With my journey in life I always wonder if this is where I need to be. Am I doing enough?, Am I praying enough, Am I giving enough?, Am I using my talents to my best of my ability?
Sometimes I question what is it that life wants from me because at times I feel like I'm falling short. I get discouraged and feel like I'm just one big failure. At times, I feel like I'm at top of the world until I get knocked down a peg and feel less the ideal.
I'm just one person in this vast Universe and I know I'm just small compared to all that. I would like to know that my life meant something and I made a small difference at least.
Sometimes I want to scream out loud and I just want to feel something other than "your not good enough". I was thinking the other day my little boy is turning 5 years old this year and then I was thinking how much I lived and dealt with at such a young age. My son lives in a much different life then I did when I was his age. His worries are much different then mine were. I was in Foster Care wondering if my birth mother wanted me and his worries are so not that.
Sometimes I feel like asking "Can anyone hear me?", Maybe I'm not the me listening. I do know that this season is full of crap built up from this past year I'm ready for a vacation and I mean like Disneyland...where if your are feeling like shit you're happy anyway because you're at Disneyland!!!
I was thinking of maybe asking my Doctor for some happy pills for awhile to chemically alter my brain for the fake happiness but then that beats the purpose of accepting life for what it is and my life right now is a season I need to learn from. I just wish I was smart enough to figure it out so I can move on!! Take Care, Peace!!!!
