The one thing about going to Therapy I'm learning to look at my feelings and understand some emotions isn't a sign of weakness. Last night I read something and it sparked within me that I get it. You know I wanted to be strong in February and I didn't want to get mad because I felt that meant I didn't care for this person or could support him cause I got mad. I'm learning that's not the case. I held onto my suppressed anger from this situation way to long because I was afraid to let it out.
I'm so angry my heart burns because this person betrayed my trust. He sprang news into my soul and then left like what the fuck was that? Nothing and I'm supposed to sit and wait until he decides to contact people. Relationships are not one sided. I'm happy he's moving on but this wait and see is what's killing me and maybe it's that part of me that doesn't like surprises, the part that hates waiting and that part that likes to be prepared. I don't know but I think it's hard to sit and wait to see if he truly cared. I think that's the hardest for me. Did he really care?
I shared the night I was raped and how it destroyed me. The only person I shared that night with was my husband so to me opening up and talking about what I went through was massive. I also talked about having an abortion because I got pregnant from being raped. In the Christian Community, having an abortion you're not very popular and so talking to my Pastor's about why I was leaving the Church and I had enough of my silent abuse. They convinced me of staying within our Church so I stayed because what they said sounded good. Two weeks later I was sitting in my Lead Pastor's Living room hearing from my site Pastor's reason for leaving and stepping down. Then the shock of giving them the respect of not contact them while they are healing. What the fuck? I'm sorry because I'm angry about that. I may process my thoughts differently than the norm but that totally rocked my world and then having no contact with him or his family I was deeply hurt again. That hurt the most for me. Only Silence!
I truly do not like having PTSD but there is nothing I can do about that. My brain is truly wired differently and sometimes my reactions are not of my control. Last Tuesday at our Monthly Leadership meeting for our Church our second location the Leadership decided to close up shop and regroup. My Westside team worked so hard and in two weeks we're done, just like that. A lot of my pain is under the surface so when I'm reacting to stuff people only see one side of things. In public I'm a closed off machine but behind closed doors I'm a mess. All my senses going off at once, my anxiety is on fire and all I want to do is to escape with drugs and alcohol. That's pissing me off too because my husband won't buy me my alcohol. I hate my addictions. In this situation it would be so nice to have had a prescription to Ativan or something. It would be nice to not be able to think for awhile.
What tears me apart is they didn't trust me enough to be there friend and I could have been there but they choose not too. I'm angry because I gave blood and tears for this Church and for what? Nothing! It just breaks my heart and as much as I'm so angry my heart hurts and I'm sad what went down and I'm trying to search for the happiness in all this. All I can do right now is try and that's all I can do and mourn the loss of something I had no control over. Tomorrow may change and all I can do is move on! Take care, Peace!
Showing posts with label memories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label memories. Show all posts
May 17, 2013
September 26, 2011
Eye of a Hurricane!
I prayed I would go see a Chris Tomlin concert. In December 2010 I found out Chris was coming to Portland. I was going to be there but the day my husband and I were going to buy his concert tickets the concert was sold out. My heart hurt a little and going to Seattle which was his last city on his tour wasn't an option. I thought maybe next time and my dream to see him in concert would have to wait for another time.
Later that day I got an email saying Chris Tomlin was adding another concert in Portland for April 14th. We bought the tickets right then. Pinch me, I was one step closer to seeing Chris Tomlin. Why Chris Tomlin? His music inspires me and his songs brings me closer to Jesus.
The hurricane of my health troubles started on March 17, 2011. I fought hard to get up on my feet. I struggled and I prayed. This concert meant so much to me. I knew I had to be there. I knew it would change my life. It was like desperation and the very need to be there was pushing me to move forward.
The day I was admitted for the third time into the Hospital I realized this time was a little more serious then the last two times in the hospital. I still kept my faith in 10 days I'll be enjoying my time listening to Chris Tomlin....I prayed because it didn't look promising.
So I had a Lung Tap, I had a blood Transfusion and oh right, I also had lung surgery all in a 5 day period. After surgery I calculated in my head I have 3 or 4 days with tubes sticking out of my body and I need to get off my IV pain medication. I needed to be discharged neither Wednesday or Thursday morning. Monday before the concert I got my tubes taken out and the IV pain medication went away on Tuesday and by Wednesday I was allowed to go home which meant I was going to the concert Thursday Night!!
Thursday Night I was listening to Chris Tomlin. I was present and soaking it all in. Who knew less than a week earlier I was in a surgery room getting my lung operated on due too an empyema pleural effusion in my right lung. I heard there were 5 other people who had the same thing I had and I was the lucky one who survived.
Even though I was still having problems breathing I sang my heart out. It felt so right and I was amazed I was actually there like it was a dream. I saw Chris Tomlin in concert. Those words I can't believe I said it. I was listening to Chris Tomlin in concert watching him and listening to him sing his beautiful songs. It was a miracle I was there when a week before I was told by my pulmonologist I would need lung surgery.
My prayers were answered and dreams really do come true. This was my eye of the hurricane because a few days later I was back on another journey of more medical problems that lasted for along time.
I needed this break and this special moment. It would push me through the very hard days, during my endless nights of depression and the sadness within my heart. It got me through my trials of pain and when I wanted to give up I would remember how I felt during the concert and it kept me moving along.
Today is near the end of September and I'm slowly learning to live again and the hurricane slowly gone with a lot of damage left behind. I will rebuild my life. I will get my heart right again and my season of depression will be a thing of the past because God is Good!!
I will remember the eye of the storm and what a blessing it had on my life. I'll never forget!
These scars got me on the road to see Chris Tomlin in concert. They may be ugly scars but to me they are my blessings and without them I would never have made it to April 14, 2011. Take care, Peace!
http://www.christomlin.com/
Later that day I got an email saying Chris Tomlin was adding another concert in Portland for April 14th. We bought the tickets right then. Pinch me, I was one step closer to seeing Chris Tomlin. Why Chris Tomlin? His music inspires me and his songs brings me closer to Jesus.
The hurricane of my health troubles started on March 17, 2011. I fought hard to get up on my feet. I struggled and I prayed. This concert meant so much to me. I knew I had to be there. I knew it would change my life. It was like desperation and the very need to be there was pushing me to move forward.
The day I was admitted for the third time into the Hospital I realized this time was a little more serious then the last two times in the hospital. I still kept my faith in 10 days I'll be enjoying my time listening to Chris Tomlin....I prayed because it didn't look promising.
So I had a Lung Tap, I had a blood Transfusion and oh right, I also had lung surgery all in a 5 day period. After surgery I calculated in my head I have 3 or 4 days with tubes sticking out of my body and I need to get off my IV pain medication. I needed to be discharged neither Wednesday or Thursday morning. Monday before the concert I got my tubes taken out and the IV pain medication went away on Tuesday and by Wednesday I was allowed to go home which meant I was going to the concert Thursday Night!!
Thursday Night I was listening to Chris Tomlin. I was present and soaking it all in. Who knew less than a week earlier I was in a surgery room getting my lung operated on due too an empyema pleural effusion in my right lung. I heard there were 5 other people who had the same thing I had and I was the lucky one who survived.
Even though I was still having problems breathing I sang my heart out. It felt so right and I was amazed I was actually there like it was a dream. I saw Chris Tomlin in concert. Those words I can't believe I said it. I was listening to Chris Tomlin in concert watching him and listening to him sing his beautiful songs. It was a miracle I was there when a week before I was told by my pulmonologist I would need lung surgery.
My prayers were answered and dreams really do come true. This was my eye of the hurricane because a few days later I was back on another journey of more medical problems that lasted for along time.
I needed this break and this special moment. It would push me through the very hard days, during my endless nights of depression and the sadness within my heart. It got me through my trials of pain and when I wanted to give up I would remember how I felt during the concert and it kept me moving along.
Today is near the end of September and I'm slowly learning to live again and the hurricane slowly gone with a lot of damage left behind. I will rebuild my life. I will get my heart right again and my season of depression will be a thing of the past because God is Good!!
I will remember the eye of the storm and what a blessing it had on my life. I'll never forget!
http://www.christomlin.com/
January 12, 2011
Reality!!
The joys and crappy part of motherhood. Oh my, in between screaming to my kids to stop screaming I'm cleaning up all the crumbs and spilled drinks after lunch I look around and my first thought is to run out of the house pulling at my hair of extreme proportions of what was I thinking of wanting to be a mother but then the calms comes and the house is quiet for a few minutes and I'm reminded of the joy it brings to my heart WHEN the kids are getting along and out of the blue I get I love you mommy.
On the days where I'm being referee between my kids neither one trying to poke the other one in the eye I have to remember they truly love each other. Okay, I can only dream my kids love each other. Sometimes the chaos can't be normal. Our dysfunction can't be normal and I'm just this crazy mother just getting through the day in one piece and hoping my kids won't end up writing a book about me when they get older of how I ruined their lives.
I still after almost 6 years of being a mother my house is still dirty and messy. I have been told I should just let it go because that's the way it is with children. You will never sleep again, you will get worry wrinkles and your house will never be clean again but it's all worth it. So it's worth it and sometimes I wonder if these other mothers are only kidding themselves because being glued to your table by sticky fingers isn't my idea of worth it or being puked on, or laying in an uncomfortable position when your child is sick is really worth it to be a mother. It's all the great life challenges that are worth it that brings joy to my child's face is worth it.
Standing out in the cold waiting for the school bus isn't worth the joy in motherhood but it's a joy when the bus comes and your child bounces off the bus running into your arms because they miss you is worth being a mother. Those are memories that keep me from running out the door because as much as my kids can be difficult, never listen to me or annoying the crap out of me they are still apart of me and their cuteness always reminds me of why I wanted to be a mother. Take care, Peace!!
On the days where I'm being referee between my kids neither one trying to poke the other one in the eye I have to remember they truly love each other. Okay, I can only dream my kids love each other. Sometimes the chaos can't be normal. Our dysfunction can't be normal and I'm just this crazy mother just getting through the day in one piece and hoping my kids won't end up writing a book about me when they get older of how I ruined their lives.
I still after almost 6 years of being a mother my house is still dirty and messy. I have been told I should just let it go because that's the way it is with children. You will never sleep again, you will get worry wrinkles and your house will never be clean again but it's all worth it. So it's worth it and sometimes I wonder if these other mothers are only kidding themselves because being glued to your table by sticky fingers isn't my idea of worth it or being puked on, or laying in an uncomfortable position when your child is sick is really worth it to be a mother. It's all the great life challenges that are worth it that brings joy to my child's face is worth it.
Standing out in the cold waiting for the school bus isn't worth the joy in motherhood but it's a joy when the bus comes and your child bounces off the bus running into your arms because they miss you is worth being a mother. Those are memories that keep me from running out the door because as much as my kids can be difficult, never listen to me or annoying the crap out of me they are still apart of me and their cuteness always reminds me of why I wanted to be a mother. Take care, Peace!!
December 18, 2010
When dreams smack you in the face!!
I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. I don't like that feeling like my dreams dictate my day. I was dreaming pretty good. I remember a lot of my dreams but sometimes they take a turn into reality I would rather not have to dream about certain things or someone. It bothers me and I would like to forget things in my life I'm not proud of doing. I would rather not remember and move on. Sometimes I'm not so lucky and my wonderful dreams take a turn and memories and situations come pouring out into my dreams and I wake up uneasy. I know they are just dreams but they still bother me. This morning I was dreaming about John and I just want him to get out of my head. I don't want to think about him when I'm awake or when I'm sleeping.
So this song Cheap Trick The Flame has been in my head all day. It's the song I had in my dream this morning and it was like a concert playing on continuous play that wouldn't stop. Holy, please can this self destruction ever stop in my life. I can control my thoughts when I'm awake but in my dreams...come on now. It just sucks. I don't like when things I can't control affect my life and impacts my life in a negative way especially when John hasn't been apart of my life in 7 years.
I have moved on and maybe I shouldn't be so bothered by one stupid dream and maybe I have some guilt to deal with but it's like something I would rather not have to deal with and just forget it. I want to forget about it. I want to forget about him. I am happy or maybe I'm not but frankly I need too. It's been so long ago and it's in the past. Moving on!!
What really sucks about this situation I love Cheap Trick The Flame and now I just want it out of my head. Dreams suck....I'm so frustrated!! Take care, Peace!!
November 18, 2010
My vacation!!
Well I think I'm in love with the Atlantis in Reno. http://www.atlantiscasino.com/ My husband and I just got back from an Awesome vacation to Reno to celebrate our 8 year wedding anniversary. The trip only lasted 3 days because that's all I can handle being away from my wild crazy beautiful kids. It was a much needed getaway and I so needed it.
On Monday morning we left for the airport around 5am. With all the horror surrounding the TSA agents and security when I went through was kinda boring but then again I only had a small purse with barely anything in it and I didn't have to take that much off to go through security. It was just me and my boarding pass with Identification. I always go light because I'm nice that way.
We ended up having breakfast at the Airport and I swear the lady gave me cream for my coffee because I'll just say this being Lactose Intolerant isn't fun when you travel and thank heavens for bathrooms...enough said and I can tell you this....I made my flight.
We got to Reno super early so our room wasn't ready. The weather was warm and sunny the whole time we were there. It's better than rain. The Room was beautiful and so big. I would post a picture of the room but I don't have mine developed yet and I could take one from the resorts website but I don't want to be sued. If you go to the Altantis Website you can see room photos. The rooms were so nice. In the afternoon we took a nap. How nice that was...so wonderful!! I did get kinda drunk Monday night with free drinks when you gamble. I had 4 corona's but it wasn't that kinda night where I had a date with the toilet. I just ended up sleeping good. I was a little green in the morning but you know it's all good!!
Tuesday we just got up when we got up which was nice. I didn't have to think about anyone but myself and for a mother that was pretty sweet. We ended up walking down to the Black Bear Diner http://www.blackbeardiner.com/ and the food was great and I had their Thick-Cut Smoked Bacon and Eggs...so good!! We even bought our kids some long johns there in the gift shop. After lunch we headed across the street to watch a movie. We went and saw Megamind in 3D. Our kids are a little too young for this movie so I'm glad we saw it first.
We had some time before Dinner which we got reservations for the Bistro Napa for our Anniversary Dinner. The Bistro Napa is concerned Casual Fine-Dining.
Here's there write up :Winner of Wine Spectator's “Award of Excellence!”
Inspired by Napa Valley...great wine, cozy atmosphere, unique & delicious entrées. It's taking Reno places it's never been before. From wood-fired baby artichokes and Kurobuta pork chops to truffled potato chips and sesame hummus. We've stepped out of the expected and created the extraordinary. This is a dining experience you won't soon forget, combining fresh quality ingredients and culinary artistry with a 4,000 bottle wine cellar and you have the newest "It" place to dine in northern Nevada. Let our sommelier help you pair the perfect wine to complete your award-winning gourmet meal.
It was an experience I will never forget. The service was outstanding. We ordered the Bistro Cioppino-Spicy Tomato Saffron Broth, Fresh Fish, King Crab, Clams, Shrimp, Scallops and I'm not much of a seafood kinda gal but I also wanted to try something new and this sounded to die for. The saffron broth you could just eat alone with bread. Everything tasted fresh and melted in your mouth. I haven't had a meal like this EVER!! I felt pampered and I will never forget this dinner. I was blown away by the service, the food and the wonderful experience. If I can ever afford to eat there again I will.
My husband and I don't gamble to win so we gave ourselves a budget and just had a good time. We won some and we lost lots but it was enough to entertain ourselves while we were there. We kinda stayed up to late on Tuesday night by watching re-runs of CSI-NY but that's vacation for you.
Our last day we took our time checking out but we also had a few hours to kill before our flight home so we gambled some more and left feeling relaxed and refreshed. When we got to the airport our flight was delayed for an hour and there's not much you can do in Reno's airport then sit and gamble waiting for your flight. So we sat and gambled some more on the Sex and the City machine and we walked away with some easy money. The perfect way to end our trip.
I'm glad to be home with my kids and the flight home was a little turbulent and my brain likes to go places it shouldn't and my husband made a point by saying God wouldn't give us a good payday and then crash the plane. That would have been messed up!! Like.... You won big but sorry sucka's!!
Well I think I need to make this trip more often and this trip brought some perspective into my life because as I sometimes feel the pressures of "just being mom" I forget I deserve to have my relaxation to unwind and enjoy some time to do things for me and trips like this one was nice. I need to make this my priority to put aside money so my husband and I can keep the flames going in our marriage and I can just be me because I'll always be Mom but sometimes I just need to feel like I have an Identity too!! Find what moves you!! Take care, Peace!!
Atlantis Casino Resort and Spa you rock and we will be back!!
On Monday morning we left for the airport around 5am. With all the horror surrounding the TSA agents and security when I went through was kinda boring but then again I only had a small purse with barely anything in it and I didn't have to take that much off to go through security. It was just me and my boarding pass with Identification. I always go light because I'm nice that way.
We ended up having breakfast at the Airport and I swear the lady gave me cream for my coffee because I'll just say this being Lactose Intolerant isn't fun when you travel and thank heavens for bathrooms...enough said and I can tell you this....I made my flight.
We got to Reno super early so our room wasn't ready. The weather was warm and sunny the whole time we were there. It's better than rain. The Room was beautiful and so big. I would post a picture of the room but I don't have mine developed yet and I could take one from the resorts website but I don't want to be sued. If you go to the Altantis Website you can see room photos. The rooms were so nice. In the afternoon we took a nap. How nice that was...so wonderful!! I did get kinda drunk Monday night with free drinks when you gamble. I had 4 corona's but it wasn't that kinda night where I had a date with the toilet. I just ended up sleeping good. I was a little green in the morning but you know it's all good!!
Tuesday we just got up when we got up which was nice. I didn't have to think about anyone but myself and for a mother that was pretty sweet. We ended up walking down to the Black Bear Diner http://www.blackbeardiner.com/ and the food was great and I had their Thick-Cut Smoked Bacon and Eggs...so good!! We even bought our kids some long johns there in the gift shop. After lunch we headed across the street to watch a movie. We went and saw Megamind in 3D. Our kids are a little too young for this movie so I'm glad we saw it first.
We had some time before Dinner which we got reservations for the Bistro Napa for our Anniversary Dinner. The Bistro Napa is concerned Casual Fine-Dining.
Here's there write up :Winner of Wine Spectator's “Award of Excellence!”
Inspired by Napa Valley...great wine, cozy atmosphere, unique & delicious entrées. It's taking Reno places it's never been before. From wood-fired baby artichokes and Kurobuta pork chops to truffled potato chips and sesame hummus. We've stepped out of the expected and created the extraordinary. This is a dining experience you won't soon forget, combining fresh quality ingredients and culinary artistry with a 4,000 bottle wine cellar and you have the newest "It" place to dine in northern Nevada. Let our sommelier help you pair the perfect wine to complete your award-winning gourmet meal.
It was an experience I will never forget. The service was outstanding. We ordered the Bistro Cioppino-Spicy Tomato Saffron Broth, Fresh Fish, King Crab, Clams, Shrimp, Scallops and I'm not much of a seafood kinda gal but I also wanted to try something new and this sounded to die for. The saffron broth you could just eat alone with bread. Everything tasted fresh and melted in your mouth. I haven't had a meal like this EVER!! I felt pampered and I will never forget this dinner. I was blown away by the service, the food and the wonderful experience. If I can ever afford to eat there again I will.
My husband and I don't gamble to win so we gave ourselves a budget and just had a good time. We won some and we lost lots but it was enough to entertain ourselves while we were there. We kinda stayed up to late on Tuesday night by watching re-runs of CSI-NY but that's vacation for you.
Our last day we took our time checking out but we also had a few hours to kill before our flight home so we gambled some more and left feeling relaxed and refreshed. When we got to the airport our flight was delayed for an hour and there's not much you can do in Reno's airport then sit and gamble waiting for your flight. So we sat and gambled some more on the Sex and the City machine and we walked away with some easy money. The perfect way to end our trip.
I'm glad to be home with my kids and the flight home was a little turbulent and my brain likes to go places it shouldn't and my husband made a point by saying God wouldn't give us a good payday and then crash the plane. That would have been messed up!! Like.... You won big but sorry sucka's!!
Well I think I need to make this trip more often and this trip brought some perspective into my life because as I sometimes feel the pressures of "just being mom" I forget I deserve to have my relaxation to unwind and enjoy some time to do things for me and trips like this one was nice. I need to make this my priority to put aside money so my husband and I can keep the flames going in our marriage and I can just be me because I'll always be Mom but sometimes I just need to feel like I have an Identity too!! Find what moves you!! Take care, Peace!!
Atlantis Casino Resort and Spa you rock and we will be back!!
August 25, 2010
Beautiful People!!
I have some extra time today. The daughter is playing her Wii Fit and the son is taking his nap. My, when I'm on my music kick I can't stop myself.
Certain music makes me thinking about attractions of the opposite sex. I don't think that's any thing to be worried about. I was having a conversion recently with a friend and I don't think being a married women there is anything wrong with having attraction to the opposite sex when you're in a committed relationship. I enjoy looking at good looking people.
I love feeling sexy. I may not pull it off at times because I'm one big goof but I try and that's the important part I think. I told my hubby I may need hair extensions because I have a bob do right now. He likes long hair on me. I had long hair when we met but I chopped it off shortly there after. I grew it out after my daughter was born but then I got sick and sadly had to chop my hair all off. I feel more sexy with long hair. That's just me.
I got a few attractions to men right now. I guess the major one right now is Joe Flanigan. I also like Ben Affleck. He was so hot in Armageddon. I have to thank my hubby on that one. Ben wouldn't have been on my radar if it wasn't for that movie. Over the years I kinda had a preference of whom I was attracted too and my hubby is the opposite to that. He's sandy brown hair and hazel eyes. I liked tall dark haired guys. Eye color didn't matter to me yet they had to have nice eyes. I knew this guy when I was younger and I thought he was so hot until he took off his sunglasses and the attraction went right out the door.
I even had attractions towards women too. Big shocker!! Not really. I can admit liking beautiful women. Jessica Alba for one. I just think she's hot. I think someone hijacked my music player. Music I downloaded isn't the same right now then when I picked them. Man, that sucks. I have to go fix that. Okay, back to feeling flirtatious. My hubby thinks there isn't any hope for me. :) I blame him really. I didn't know who Joe Flanigan was until Stargate Atlantis. Thanks to my hubby for introducing me to SyFy. It's all his fault!!
He knows I choose him. We're best friends and we know we're important to each other. When my hubby and I first met we used to flirt all the time. Those were good time or more like we still do it. Memories!! My hubby is a sexy babe like all the other guys I'm attracted too. The list goes on and on!! Why I'm going to post this blog entry is beyond me. I must have gone mad!! Take care, Peace!!
Certain music makes me thinking about attractions of the opposite sex. I don't think that's any thing to be worried about. I was having a conversion recently with a friend and I don't think being a married women there is anything wrong with having attraction to the opposite sex when you're in a committed relationship. I enjoy looking at good looking people.
I love feeling sexy. I may not pull it off at times because I'm one big goof but I try and that's the important part I think. I told my hubby I may need hair extensions because I have a bob do right now. He likes long hair on me. I had long hair when we met but I chopped it off shortly there after. I grew it out after my daughter was born but then I got sick and sadly had to chop my hair all off. I feel more sexy with long hair. That's just me.
I got a few attractions to men right now. I guess the major one right now is Joe Flanigan. I also like Ben Affleck. He was so hot in Armageddon. I have to thank my hubby on that one. Ben wouldn't have been on my radar if it wasn't for that movie. Over the years I kinda had a preference of whom I was attracted too and my hubby is the opposite to that. He's sandy brown hair and hazel eyes. I liked tall dark haired guys. Eye color didn't matter to me yet they had to have nice eyes. I knew this guy when I was younger and I thought he was so hot until he took off his sunglasses and the attraction went right out the door.
I even had attractions towards women too. Big shocker!! Not really. I can admit liking beautiful women. Jessica Alba for one. I just think she's hot. I think someone hijacked my music player. Music I downloaded isn't the same right now then when I picked them. Man, that sucks. I have to go fix that. Okay, back to feeling flirtatious. My hubby thinks there isn't any hope for me. :) I blame him really. I didn't know who Joe Flanigan was until Stargate Atlantis. Thanks to my hubby for introducing me to SyFy. It's all his fault!!
He knows I choose him. We're best friends and we know we're important to each other. When my hubby and I first met we used to flirt all the time. Those were good time or more like we still do it. Memories!! My hubby is a sexy babe like all the other guys I'm attracted too. The list goes on and on!! Why I'm going to post this blog entry is beyond me. I must have gone mad!! Take care, Peace!!
Getting back into Music!!
I just love You Tube. I can find music and my all time favorites on there. I love Chicago. I have their greatest hits. I used to listen to this group over and over again. I found the video of one of my favorites from them.
I have no sappy sad story behind this song. I just love this song. I could make up a story about this song but nothing. I enjoy great music. I didn't care they were a bunch of old guys. I just like their music. Like I got my son into Journey. He loves their music. I can put on Journey and he gets full of smiles and my daughter likes grooving to Abba. I'm feeling like today is going to be a great music day. I'm pulling out all the old tunes of my youth. Here's my all time favorite Whitney Houston song!!
So many nights listening to this song and my gosh, I used to sing this song like crazy. It never gets old. I used to sing this song for my son when he was a little baby. It used to calm him down before bed time. The Bodyguard was a great movie and Kevin Costner was sexy in this movie. I can't believe I just said that. No one needs to know I found Kevin Costner sexy. I kinda think men in Uniform are just sexy. That's how I roll :)
Oh my, look what song I just found. BRIAN ADAMS. Lets not mention he forgot the words to the "Oh Canada" during the World Series years ago. We may forgive but never forget. It was quite embarrassing. Okay, I just love this song and I even like DJ Sammy's version of it too. Here's Heaven!!
Okay, Yes I also loved the BackStreet Boys. Kevin was my favorite out of them all. Oh Kevin, and no I don't have a thing for guys named Kevin. Ha Ha!! I bet you would guess I loved the New Kids on the Block. What 14 year old girl didn't love the NKOTB? I bought my first cassette tape in Montreal Canada and months later I had to buy another because I played it so much it wore out. Yes, I said cassette tape!! We didn't have the fancy CD's we have now back in the late 80's. Okay, here's one of my favorite Backstreet Boy's songs. I have a few I enjoy.
Okay, two more songs. Here's a blast from my past. Reminds me of Puppy Love. Oh those were the days of crazy days and nights. I had to choose between these two Belinda Carlisle songs "Mad about you" and "I get Weak". They both are great but I choose Mad about you!!
STARSHIP: I loved this group. Man, I didn't realize how much I have aged myself. Oh who cares, great music is great music. So much cool music to pick from but I have to stop sometime. Maybe I'll do another music blog and post my all time favorites. Oh my, I'm all giddy!! Music is inbreed in my soul. Here's Starship:
I feel at peace today. I enjoy sharing the music I love. Makes me remember what's important in life. Take care, Peace!!
I have no sappy sad story behind this song. I just love this song. I could make up a story about this song but nothing. I enjoy great music. I didn't care they were a bunch of old guys. I just like their music. Like I got my son into Journey. He loves their music. I can put on Journey and he gets full of smiles and my daughter likes grooving to Abba. I'm feeling like today is going to be a great music day. I'm pulling out all the old tunes of my youth. Here's my all time favorite Whitney Houston song!!
So many nights listening to this song and my gosh, I used to sing this song like crazy. It never gets old. I used to sing this song for my son when he was a little baby. It used to calm him down before bed time. The Bodyguard was a great movie and Kevin Costner was sexy in this movie. I can't believe I just said that. No one needs to know I found Kevin Costner sexy. I kinda think men in Uniform are just sexy. That's how I roll :)
Oh my, look what song I just found. BRIAN ADAMS. Lets not mention he forgot the words to the "Oh Canada" during the World Series years ago. We may forgive but never forget. It was quite embarrassing. Okay, I just love this song and I even like DJ Sammy's version of it too. Here's Heaven!!
Okay, Yes I also loved the BackStreet Boys. Kevin was my favorite out of them all. Oh Kevin, and no I don't have a thing for guys named Kevin. Ha Ha!! I bet you would guess I loved the New Kids on the Block. What 14 year old girl didn't love the NKOTB? I bought my first cassette tape in Montreal Canada and months later I had to buy another because I played it so much it wore out. Yes, I said cassette tape!! We didn't have the fancy CD's we have now back in the late 80's. Okay, here's one of my favorite Backstreet Boy's songs. I have a few I enjoy.
Okay, two more songs. Here's a blast from my past. Reminds me of Puppy Love. Oh those were the days of crazy days and nights. I had to choose between these two Belinda Carlisle songs "Mad about you" and "I get Weak". They both are great but I choose Mad about you!!
STARSHIP: I loved this group. Man, I didn't realize how much I have aged myself. Oh who cares, great music is great music. So much cool music to pick from but I have to stop sometime. Maybe I'll do another music blog and post my all time favorites. Oh my, I'm all giddy!! Music is inbreed in my soul. Here's Starship:
I feel at peace today. I enjoy sharing the music I love. Makes me remember what's important in life. Take care, Peace!!
August 17, 2010
All things come to an end!!
Summer Break is slowly coming to an end. I'm kinda feeling a little emotional about it. A new chapter for my family. My 5 year old is starting her school career in Kindergarten after Labor Day. We just signed her up for Gymnastics for the year and my son starts his new class in a few weeks for his Early Intervention program.
Right now, we're being lazy and not doing much just living our lives without the chaos. It's actually nice not being so busy running around with tight schedules and all. I finished school shopping for the daughter. She's all set to go so now we're just enjoying the free time we have left.
We didn't take a vacation this year like I wanted. At first, I was kinda a sad about it but being responsible is the way to go. We want what's best for our family so we can give our kids a good life and have money to let them do things without going further into debt.
It's good to slow down and just be lazy and make memories!! Take care, Peace!!
Right now, we're being lazy and not doing much just living our lives without the chaos. It's actually nice not being so busy running around with tight schedules and all. I finished school shopping for the daughter. She's all set to go so now we're just enjoying the free time we have left.
We didn't take a vacation this year like I wanted. At first, I was kinda a sad about it but being responsible is the way to go. We want what's best for our family so we can give our kids a good life and have money to let them do things without going further into debt.
It's good to slow down and just be lazy and make memories!! Take care, Peace!!
July 24, 2010
I'm a Work in Progress!!
I haven't gotten this far in my enlightenment by myself. I have surrounded myself by good people in my life. We can be selfish in what we want for ourselves but we also need to have good support from the people around us. You as an individual need to help yourself and have a strong moral foundation before you can start helping others.
I have picked my own broken self off the ground may of times in my lifetime. Sometimes I didn't know if I could pick myself back up. It was a struggle. It was pure uncontrollable pain of self despair. I don't know how many times I had to convince myself to keep moving forward. I found hope in my heart even though I didn't believe it. Somewhere deep down in my soul I got the strength to keep going. To keep the hope within my life I had to fight my self doubt I could be happy someday. Someday I can be happy. Someday my dreams can come true. Someday I will understand what love feels like. It was something I held onto even if I was afraid to trust it.
There are many good people in this world. I know it's hard trusting in yourself let alone trust in other people when you're in a state like that. Feeling damaged and changing your situation is the hardest thing you can do. I know I fought changing and giving up some of the control a very hard thing to do. It took me years to finally realize I had to change my outlook in life. I had to start trusting people who truly wanted to support me on my emotional healing. It was hard and it took me along time to just give trust a try.
Now I understand I have gotten to a place in my life where I can look back and learn from it. I learned no matter how hard you try to carry on with life it's hard work. You work on your life. If things are not the way you want them so go change it. I will keep working on my life. I will try and make good judgements and decisions to better my emotional self. If I make a mistake then I'll pick myself back up and start over again. I will learn and make things better. You do what you have to do with what you have at the time. Sometimes it's not going to be easy but knowing you are working towards a healing soul then it's all worth it in the end you made progress to achieve happiness.
I was lifted up by the people I surround myself with. I lean when I need to and I express my feelings when life gets hard. I ask for help and I ask for people to listen. I read books and get inspirational advice and to keep me moving forward. I don't know about you, struggling with life is exhausting, tiring and energy draining. I don't want that. I just know I learned about what I want in life. I learned what makes me happy and I also learned who I want to become. I learned to get to know..me!!
Getting to know who you are will give you a better understanding of what you emotionally need and want. It's a progress and sometimes I just didn't want to work on the effort because it's sometimes hard looking into yourself and see all the mess within you. My inner soul was ugly and I had a hard road a head of me but slowly I worked on myself. When it got difficult to face I gave myself a break and worked on other things and then came back to the most difficult situations I couldn't get passed. Slowly over time things didn't hurt as much, things started to look better. Learning to just let go was hard for me. It's hard when that's the only thing you know how to survive but I saw what I could have and it give me a better understanding I can do this. The pain of healing is a lot better than the pain from self destruction. You slowly learn to love yourself and when you do you realize life starts awaking for you like watching a flower bloom. It's beautiful.
It's the best peaceful and emotional part of wanting a better life. It's like looking at the world with different new eyes and coming out of the dark is amazing. It's like going outside and feeling the sun on your face for the first time and breathing the fresh air. How refreshing it feels. You walk with confidence knowing you can conquer anything you put your mind to. That's life and a pure blessing!! Take care, Peace!!
I have picked my own broken self off the ground may of times in my lifetime. Sometimes I didn't know if I could pick myself back up. It was a struggle. It was pure uncontrollable pain of self despair. I don't know how many times I had to convince myself to keep moving forward. I found hope in my heart even though I didn't believe it. Somewhere deep down in my soul I got the strength to keep going. To keep the hope within my life I had to fight my self doubt I could be happy someday. Someday I can be happy. Someday my dreams can come true. Someday I will understand what love feels like. It was something I held onto even if I was afraid to trust it.
There are many good people in this world. I know it's hard trusting in yourself let alone trust in other people when you're in a state like that. Feeling damaged and changing your situation is the hardest thing you can do. I know I fought changing and giving up some of the control a very hard thing to do. It took me years to finally realize I had to change my outlook in life. I had to start trusting people who truly wanted to support me on my emotional healing. It was hard and it took me along time to just give trust a try.
Now I understand I have gotten to a place in my life where I can look back and learn from it. I learned no matter how hard you try to carry on with life it's hard work. You work on your life. If things are not the way you want them so go change it. I will keep working on my life. I will try and make good judgements and decisions to better my emotional self. If I make a mistake then I'll pick myself back up and start over again. I will learn and make things better. You do what you have to do with what you have at the time. Sometimes it's not going to be easy but knowing you are working towards a healing soul then it's all worth it in the end you made progress to achieve happiness.
I was lifted up by the people I surround myself with. I lean when I need to and I express my feelings when life gets hard. I ask for help and I ask for people to listen. I read books and get inspirational advice and to keep me moving forward. I don't know about you, struggling with life is exhausting, tiring and energy draining. I don't want that. I just know I learned about what I want in life. I learned what makes me happy and I also learned who I want to become. I learned to get to know..me!!
Getting to know who you are will give you a better understanding of what you emotionally need and want. It's a progress and sometimes I just didn't want to work on the effort because it's sometimes hard looking into yourself and see all the mess within you. My inner soul was ugly and I had a hard road a head of me but slowly I worked on myself. When it got difficult to face I gave myself a break and worked on other things and then came back to the most difficult situations I couldn't get passed. Slowly over time things didn't hurt as much, things started to look better. Learning to just let go was hard for me. It's hard when that's the only thing you know how to survive but I saw what I could have and it give me a better understanding I can do this. The pain of healing is a lot better than the pain from self destruction. You slowly learn to love yourself and when you do you realize life starts awaking for you like watching a flower bloom. It's beautiful.
It's the best peaceful and emotional part of wanting a better life. It's like looking at the world with different new eyes and coming out of the dark is amazing. It's like going outside and feeling the sun on your face for the first time and breathing the fresh air. How refreshing it feels. You walk with confidence knowing you can conquer anything you put your mind to. That's life and a pure blessing!! Take care, Peace!!
July 22, 2010
Work Hard and you will Achieve!!
Yesterdays entry I said "I'm on a quest and journey I never thought I would be going on." I've been doing a lot of soul searching wanting to get the best out of my life as I can. I don't think it would have happened 10 years ago or even last year for that matter. It's a time in my life I'm finally realizing I have a purpose and a gift to share with the rest of the world.
We have experiences in our lives which change who we become. We experience choices and make decisions which can effect our outcome. I truly believe things happen for a reason. I'm coming self aware of this process. Things have fallen into place like it's just freaking me out at times. I shouldn't be freaked out about finding my life could be set in stone way before I was born. I don't know and I've been on this new quest to find out. It intrigues me and I'm curious to know what my journey holds.
Things that have taken place in my lifetime and all the good and the bad choices I have made lead me down this path. I experienced things I wish I had never experienced yet at the same time those things have shaped who I became. I'm not proud of my life choices which caused me pain but if I didn't experience and went though them I don't think I would appreciate my life right now.
I remember back in my most darkest times. I've talked about it before on my blog of self destruction and my feelings about it with my eating disorder, when I was raped, my childhood abuse, in my first abusive relationship in my late teens. I have touched a little about that time. I would like to share more. It was a difficult time for me and I struggled with that period in my life until I started looking at the bigger picture of my life.
It's the feeling like you're a victim. I was a victim of life of my own doing. I choose not to be a victim. When you allow yourself to be in a state of personal despair and allow yourself to crumble at every corner of your life when tough decisions need to be made because you can't deal I call that being a victim. Yes, I allowed myself to be the victim because it was easier to cry as a victim then face the hard truth of my surroundings.
Being a child of abuse you don't really realize you have choices because they were chosen for you and you do the best you can do to survive to live through it. I have done unspeakable things to survive. I would share them and my experiences with you but for the safety of my family and my sisters I will not disclose them to you. The reason I won't disclose this part of my life because I'm not here to punish anyone and I'm not here to cause any more pain. I want to express the hope everyone can over come darkness. I will talk about the emotional aspect of what I went through to share and let people understand being a victim only furthers your own personal pain and as long as you don't forgive and allow yourself to move forward you will never heal your own heart.
I never wish pain and destruction on anyone. I would hope my children's journey will never have to deal with what I went through as a child, teenager and when I was in young adulthood. Some of the things I have witnessed and experienced to me were horrible and outright evil. That is something I would rather share that no matter what life throws at you, you have choices to deal with and be healed.
I think for 4 straight years I cried myself to sleep when I was in my teenage years. I was in so much pain it was hard to breath. I didn't want the day to end because the next day would be another day of hell. It was the feeling like my life was slowly being squeezed out of me and I didn't know when the day would come when I didn't know if I could take that one small step to move forward. It was crushing and devastating to know that I felt like no one was listening. I was living in an empty shell of my own existence. You feel so alone like no one can truly understand your thoughts and feelings like the old saying goes "shit happens". Shit does happen but it doesn't mean we can take it as it is. We can take that shit and throw it away.
My journey so far has been a process of up and downs. Right now, I'm self aware of my life choices. I have seen miracles in my life, I have surrounded myself with wonderful good hearted people and I have forgiven the people who have done the greatest harm to my being. There were reasons I went through those tough years. I didn't understand while I was going through it at the time because I was too broken to see the reasons why I needed to live through it. Sometimes when you're in a dark place it's hard to see that life is beautiful because everything in your being is diseased with only the hardship of your surroundings.
I truly believe now I went though those bad destructive times so I can have a better understand of life. I needed to understand the emotions, the pain and the sorrow to truly appreciate life is truly beautiful. I do have a voice and to voice my life through this means of expression to share what I know to people who are needing support or who want a better understanding to peoples humanity. I see life as a gift and to treasure the gift I was given. Love and acceptance of others because we're all human.
I didn't get this far in my 35 years of life by not working hard. I worked my ass off because I knew if I didn't then it would be a travesty. I would waste a perfectly good life because I didn't want to work hard and to learn and to grow. I have learned to love myself in my heart. I have learned to let go of the hardships that were keeping me in chains of self destruction. It wasn't easy. My journey wasn't easy and I have struggled just to let go. I have had long nights just feeling the hurt feelings from my life. I went though self pity until I faced what was keeping me from moving forward.
I accepted my life can be great if I just let go. My greatest gift is understanding hard work and in the end I will achieve an existence of the greatest life of all...love, hope and acceptance of each other. Take care, Peace!!
We have experiences in our lives which change who we become. We experience choices and make decisions which can effect our outcome. I truly believe things happen for a reason. I'm coming self aware of this process. Things have fallen into place like it's just freaking me out at times. I shouldn't be freaked out about finding my life could be set in stone way before I was born. I don't know and I've been on this new quest to find out. It intrigues me and I'm curious to know what my journey holds.
Things that have taken place in my lifetime and all the good and the bad choices I have made lead me down this path. I experienced things I wish I had never experienced yet at the same time those things have shaped who I became. I'm not proud of my life choices which caused me pain but if I didn't experience and went though them I don't think I would appreciate my life right now.
I remember back in my most darkest times. I've talked about it before on my blog of self destruction and my feelings about it with my eating disorder, when I was raped, my childhood abuse, in my first abusive relationship in my late teens. I have touched a little about that time. I would like to share more. It was a difficult time for me and I struggled with that period in my life until I started looking at the bigger picture of my life.
It's the feeling like you're a victim. I was a victim of life of my own doing. I choose not to be a victim. When you allow yourself to be in a state of personal despair and allow yourself to crumble at every corner of your life when tough decisions need to be made because you can't deal I call that being a victim. Yes, I allowed myself to be the victim because it was easier to cry as a victim then face the hard truth of my surroundings.
Being a child of abuse you don't really realize you have choices because they were chosen for you and you do the best you can do to survive to live through it. I have done unspeakable things to survive. I would share them and my experiences with you but for the safety of my family and my sisters I will not disclose them to you. The reason I won't disclose this part of my life because I'm not here to punish anyone and I'm not here to cause any more pain. I want to express the hope everyone can over come darkness. I will talk about the emotional aspect of what I went through to share and let people understand being a victim only furthers your own personal pain and as long as you don't forgive and allow yourself to move forward you will never heal your own heart.
I never wish pain and destruction on anyone. I would hope my children's journey will never have to deal with what I went through as a child, teenager and when I was in young adulthood. Some of the things I have witnessed and experienced to me were horrible and outright evil. That is something I would rather share that no matter what life throws at you, you have choices to deal with and be healed.
I think for 4 straight years I cried myself to sleep when I was in my teenage years. I was in so much pain it was hard to breath. I didn't want the day to end because the next day would be another day of hell. It was the feeling like my life was slowly being squeezed out of me and I didn't know when the day would come when I didn't know if I could take that one small step to move forward. It was crushing and devastating to know that I felt like no one was listening. I was living in an empty shell of my own existence. You feel so alone like no one can truly understand your thoughts and feelings like the old saying goes "shit happens". Shit does happen but it doesn't mean we can take it as it is. We can take that shit and throw it away.
My journey so far has been a process of up and downs. Right now, I'm self aware of my life choices. I have seen miracles in my life, I have surrounded myself with wonderful good hearted people and I have forgiven the people who have done the greatest harm to my being. There were reasons I went through those tough years. I didn't understand while I was going through it at the time because I was too broken to see the reasons why I needed to live through it. Sometimes when you're in a dark place it's hard to see that life is beautiful because everything in your being is diseased with only the hardship of your surroundings.
I truly believe now I went though those bad destructive times so I can have a better understand of life. I needed to understand the emotions, the pain and the sorrow to truly appreciate life is truly beautiful. I do have a voice and to voice my life through this means of expression to share what I know to people who are needing support or who want a better understanding to peoples humanity. I see life as a gift and to treasure the gift I was given. Love and acceptance of others because we're all human.
I didn't get this far in my 35 years of life by not working hard. I worked my ass off because I knew if I didn't then it would be a travesty. I would waste a perfectly good life because I didn't want to work hard and to learn and to grow. I have learned to love myself in my heart. I have learned to let go of the hardships that were keeping me in chains of self destruction. It wasn't easy. My journey wasn't easy and I have struggled just to let go. I have had long nights just feeling the hurt feelings from my life. I went though self pity until I faced what was keeping me from moving forward.
I accepted my life can be great if I just let go. My greatest gift is understanding hard work and in the end I will achieve an existence of the greatest life of all...love, hope and acceptance of each other. Take care, Peace!!
June 22, 2010
Where do Broken Hearts Go?
I had some spare time tonight so what do I do? I've been listening to my music because their is nothing on TV and I needed some down time from the crazy wild day with the kids. I survived is putting it mildly. I found some video's of the music I'll be talking about. I hope I don't mess this up. I'm new to putting video's in my posts. I can't figure some of this stuff out with blogger html and sometimes it gets a little hairy and I can't ask the hubby because he isn't here. He's my to go guy when it comes to computer language and all. So bare with me here if I mess this all up.
So I was surfing You Tube finding some of the video's I wanted for this post and found them all. So I love music and I can repeat over and over how I love music. Haven't you guessed that out yet? The first song on the list is when I was back in Junior High in the late 80's. I know I'm old like 35 years old..old!! This song I love because it reminds me of my first crush. I mean obsessive crush like my life is over crush but you have to understand I was a 14 year old girl. Everything I did back then was over the top drama and everything was like I was going to die. Just like my life today but a little more over the top. I thought I was madly in love with this guy. Oh my, I couldn't get over him for years and when I was in my early 20's I would dream about him and it would drive me crazy. I don't think you get over your first crush. This song is dedicated to my Junior High Crush!! Enjoy to everyone else!!
The next song is to my other guy who broke my heart. I shouldn't be talking about him but it was in my history and every time I hear this song I think about him. He was the hardest guy to get over and I care about his well being where ever he is today. This next song has meaning to me whenever I listen to it like the rejection just stings you and you have a hard time getting passed that. It took along time to mend my broken heart from this guy. Sometimes today I think about him. I wonder what he's doing and as much as this sounds weird I wonder if he thinks of me. I know that sounds so fucked up but I have to be honest about it. I do wonder about it. I kinda sound so conceited. It was a strange relationship but I can't change the fact my heart got shattered. It hurt like crazy and I slowly moved on. I had a really hard time with it and my hubby understood and to this day I don't understand he was so supportive and forgiving. It was his best friend yet my hubby supported me. Not a lot of people would willingly do that. I don't know if I could be so forgiving but we moved on and that's the most important part. Okay, this sounds so weird but this song is dedicated to my hubby's old best friend. Everyone else...enjoy!!
Okay I left the best for last. This next song is also from Savage Garden. When my hubby and I met we lived miles apart in two different countries. We fell in love with each other not knowing what each other looked liked. We got to know each other by what was in our hearts. I'm sure that's why we have that spark in our marriage. It wasn't the physical attraction in the beginning of our relationship that drew us together. I think that's special. The physical attraction came later when we did finally meet. This next song reminds me of the love I had for my hubby before we met each other in person for the first time like this song was written for us. He was my prayer and he came into my life at the right moment. The universe doing it's magic. This song is dedicated to my hubby, the missing piece I have been looking for. I had lots of bumps in the road before I realized he was the real deal. He's my gift to make me see life's wonderful if you let it. My Best Friend and Husband. I love you!!!
Okay those 3 songs are a few I can't seem to get through without A) neither crying B) neither crying. I typically don't have any way of getting though those songs without crying. They bring out some serious emotions out of me. I decided to share them with you. Not that I'm bringing up old wounds or anything. I just came to realize my past is my past and broken hearts really never go away but you learn to live with it. Take care, Peace!!
So I was surfing You Tube finding some of the video's I wanted for this post and found them all. So I love music and I can repeat over and over how I love music. Haven't you guessed that out yet? The first song on the list is when I was back in Junior High in the late 80's. I know I'm old like 35 years old..old!! This song I love because it reminds me of my first crush. I mean obsessive crush like my life is over crush but you have to understand I was a 14 year old girl. Everything I did back then was over the top drama and everything was like I was going to die. Just like my life today but a little more over the top. I thought I was madly in love with this guy. Oh my, I couldn't get over him for years and when I was in my early 20's I would dream about him and it would drive me crazy. I don't think you get over your first crush. This song is dedicated to my Junior High Crush!! Enjoy to everyone else!!
The next song is to my other guy who broke my heart. I shouldn't be talking about him but it was in my history and every time I hear this song I think about him. He was the hardest guy to get over and I care about his well being where ever he is today. This next song has meaning to me whenever I listen to it like the rejection just stings you and you have a hard time getting passed that. It took along time to mend my broken heart from this guy. Sometimes today I think about him. I wonder what he's doing and as much as this sounds weird I wonder if he thinks of me. I know that sounds so fucked up but I have to be honest about it. I do wonder about it. I kinda sound so conceited. It was a strange relationship but I can't change the fact my heart got shattered. It hurt like crazy and I slowly moved on. I had a really hard time with it and my hubby understood and to this day I don't understand he was so supportive and forgiving. It was his best friend yet my hubby supported me. Not a lot of people would willingly do that. I don't know if I could be so forgiving but we moved on and that's the most important part. Okay, this sounds so weird but this song is dedicated to my hubby's old best friend. Everyone else...enjoy!!
Okay I left the best for last. This next song is also from Savage Garden. When my hubby and I met we lived miles apart in two different countries. We fell in love with each other not knowing what each other looked liked. We got to know each other by what was in our hearts. I'm sure that's why we have that spark in our marriage. It wasn't the physical attraction in the beginning of our relationship that drew us together. I think that's special. The physical attraction came later when we did finally meet. This next song reminds me of the love I had for my hubby before we met each other in person for the first time like this song was written for us. He was my prayer and he came into my life at the right moment. The universe doing it's magic. This song is dedicated to my hubby, the missing piece I have been looking for. I had lots of bumps in the road before I realized he was the real deal. He's my gift to make me see life's wonderful if you let it. My Best Friend and Husband. I love you!!!
Okay those 3 songs are a few I can't seem to get through without A) neither crying B) neither crying. I typically don't have any way of getting though those songs without crying. They bring out some serious emotions out of me. I decided to share them with you. Not that I'm bringing up old wounds or anything. I just came to realize my past is my past and broken hearts really never go away but you learn to live with it. Take care, Peace!!
June 21, 2010
I feel Inspired!!
Whenever I listen to music I just feel a sense of peace. Music brings out some powerful feelings within me. I kinda need this energy and like I have said in some other blog entries I don't know where I would be if it wasn't for music. I'm happy to give this gift to my children. They love listening to the radio with me. They like to dance and groove like my daughter calls it. Music just makes me happy even when I'm sad and having a self pity party. I have a different prospective to life. It's refreshing!!
When I listen to music that came out around the time I met my hubby and listen to it today it reminds me why I fell in love with him. Sometimes life gets in the way and days goes by and I'm frustrated in the moment and listening to music makes me stop and remember what really matters. He's my rock and the love of my life even though he can drive me up the wall with his organized mess I still remember the love we have for each other. Love is so simple yet can be so complicated at the same time.
Madly Truly Deeply - Savage Garden (love this song)
I'll be your dream
I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy
I'll be your hope
I'll be your love
Be everything that you need
I'll love you more with every breath
Truly, madly, deeply do
I will be strong
I will be faithful
'cause I'm counting on
A new beginning
A reason for living
A deeper meaning, yeah
I want to stand with you on a mountain
I want to bath with you in the sea
I want to lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me
And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky,
I'll make a wish send it to heaven
Then make you want to cry
The tears of joy for all the pleasure in the certainty
That we're surrounded by the comfort and protection of
The highest powers
In lonely hours
The tears devour you
Oh can you see it baby?
You don't have to close your eyes
'Cause it's standing right here before you
All that you need with surely come
The hubby got to see Savage Garden in Concert back in the Summer of 1998 when they were in Portland. I was so jealous he got to hear them in concert. Now Savage Garden split up so I just listen to them by CD. This song was one of my favorites of the time. A long distance relationship is hard and it's one of those relationships you neither have to take it to the next level or break up. As you guessed we didn't break up. We think it was worth it. This song is dedicated to my hubby tonight for all our wonderful memories. I love you babe!!Take care, Peace!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)