We have Value!

I suffer quietly with anxiety attacks and I keep quiet because I feel awkward and indifferent and when I'm in social situations I feel like I just want to hide in the corner. Sometimes I force myself to say something, smile and force myself to open up of who I am. It's never easy. It's downright hard to express my most inner secrets because I’m a product of Bullying. I have been told I’m not worth it, I’m not responsible, I’m a dirty alcoholic Indian when I was 10, I was called the “N” word when I was 6, I was called brown cow when I was 14, I was called chocolate milk that’s sour and stinks and I can go on and on of the injustice I have suffered because of who I am. I lived it and I suffered and I don’t want other children to feel like I have throughout my life. I don’t want any child to feel ashamed of who they are. This isn’t a pity party. I just want people to know their actions really do affect people they tear down just to make themselves feel better.

It’s how our society justifies Bullies by putting up a YouTube video of said situation where the video gets a million hits and who does that really serve?, not the child who’s face is plastered all over the video being harassed, beat up and embarrassed knowing millions of people are watching them get humiliated over and over for the world to see. How is that fighting against bullying? We’re no better than the people doing the bullying by watching these videos of a child being exploited by a YouTube video.

The reason I'm opening up because I'm getting tired of children killing themselves for being who they are, or hearing about racial discrimination, and sexual harassment, being discriminated because you’re a female, discriminated because you’re male, transgendered, your sexual preference, religion, and non-religious people. I’m tired of hearing about a child going into a school and shooting people because they were treated like an outcast and they couldn’t take life with their peers any longer. How tragic these children who should have a life full of love are being tormented, and who are silently hurting and are praying to die. There are kids who secretly pray to die and that is horrifying to me. These kids should have soft places to fall and to know someone truly believes they are valuable then going through life thinking no one cares for them if they are here or not. That hurts my heart knowing we have children in our world who are hurting and would rather lash out and kill other kids because their hearts are broken.

I’m tired of people fighting because they are Republican, Democrat, Tea Party, the 99%, and the 53%, Independent, Rich or Poor. What’s the point? We all are not molded the same and science has proven we are all different. So why we feel we all should act and behave equally when we are not. We all have opinions, we all have different values and we all think we know what’s right for the whole body as a whole. How can we change the next generation when we don’t have good role models for our younger generation to look up too? How can they learn when the older generation is doing the same thing on media outlets and all over our Television sets but then turn around and we tell our youth it’s not okay to behave like that? It’s all for the greater good right? Having a double standard of how to treat people is not okay and it’s shouldn’t be considered that’s what people do.

I'm tired of being singled out because of the color of my skin and get a job because I’m considered a minority and a company is only filling their quota. I’m tired of people exploiting my gender because I'm female and the “what I can't do” because I'm female. I’m getting tired of not saying anything sooner because I believe I do have value and have a voice. I’m tired I’m part of the problem because I haven’t stepped up because I think someone else will do it. So I’m going to get off the comfort train and start saying something. I’m saying that we as a society need to change if we want the injustice of bullying to stop. It starts with us, the individual to be accountable for our actions so our generation can be an example to the next generation.

What I’m trying to say is I don’t want another child to suffer because our society won’t step up and stop bullying and neither should our humanity!!

Thanks for your time!!

I got questions!!

I do my best thinking when life gives me challenges. I seek answers but sometimes I just have to put them out there. No one has all the answers except for God and who knows if he will share them and if we ever want to know all the answers.

Right now I have some hard questions about life, the questions people have been fighting, arguing about for along time. What is life? When does it really start? When does it end? Who decides when it should end? Does society dictate these answers or is it a personal choice to seek out it's answers.

Some people are afraid to ask these questions because of the ridicule and judgement they may get or people may think they are ignorant for ever questioning for an answer.

So then one might seek the answer from God if they believe in him the creator of the heavens and the universe: what is life? (NIV-Genesis 2:7) the Lord God formed the man from dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, the man became a living being.

Some people may not believe in a creator or believe there is a God and their understanding about life is different then a religious one. Then you get the argument that a baby isn't really a baby until it is born so it's okay to end its life before it gets the chance to ever have it's first breath. So who really decides when life starts?, the women who terminates her pregnancy early, the Politicians, Doctors, Society? and then you get the argument that it's the women's choice what to do with her own body. Yes, I believe a women has her free will to decide what she does with her own body. I'm a women and for someone to dictate what I can and can't do with my personal being I kind of get a little upset. So who really decides then? For the believer it's God. The unbeliever it's human rights.

So what is life? and when should it be protected? Should society protect people who want to commit suicide? If it's there choice to end their life then why shouldn't they be allowed to end their life? Or why is it so wrong for a Doctor to help one of there patients end his/her suffering? Why is that wrong? If Doctor's are there to preserve life then why not try and preserve an unborn baby? Why is suicide wrong but abortion is okay? Those are questions to think about.

What makes ones life valuable and who gets to decide the value of that life? Society? Women? Men? Religion? or is it the individual person who values ones life and then you think about the unborn child. Does this being who isn't born yet have value to life? Then when does life really began?, The moment an egg and sperm connect or when a baby is born? I don't know the answers. Maybe both are the right answers and it depends on the person.

Then is it really wrong for someone to commit suicide or for someone to help in ending a life from medical suffering, or for someone on death row, for a women to abort an unborn baby. Whatever is right or wrong of what you believe when life begins....then who decides the right answers? Who's right? Who's wrong? Who gets to decide when life should be saved and when life should end? Who deserves life? and what about unborn babies who never gets a chance of living? Do they even have value?

So we place judgement on people with opposition on what we believe is right to life. Maybe we should think about what's right to the individual and let the person decide how they value life and when a women should end a pregnancy. We all have our own beliefs, we all have our own journey in life and we all value life differently so then why should anyone place judgement on someone who thinks and feels differently than yourself?  We all can't be right or are we?  Take care, Peace!!

Powering your Mind!!

I love reading books. I keep telling my children "Mommy's book collection is my legacy to you". The love of reading is a passion for me just like Music is apart of my soul and well being. I like soaking my brain full of knowledge. I typically have an open mind when it comes to books. No subject is off limits to me. I have a vast collection of books about the Holocaust. I have political books, books about faith, books about History, books that are fiction, non fiction and books which celebrities have written.

I make time in my schedule to read. I have 8 books ready for me to dig right in. I'm sure if I had free rein I would put my family into the poor house because of my love of reading. I have to use self control when it comes to buying books.

When I stop being lazy I may set up something on my blog of the books I have read. I don't know yet but we'll see. Here's my fall reading list and I'm hoping to finish these books before Winter starts.

The Roots of Obama's Rage-Dinesh D'Souza
Barefoot in Baghdad-Manal M. Omar
The Confirmation-Ralph Reed
Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass an American Slave
The Communist Manifesto and Other Writings-Karl Marx and Freidrich Engels
The Federalist-Alexander Hamilton, James Madison, and John Jay

Coming later is Rules for Radicals and Propaganda. My husband couldn't get these two books at the bookstore yesterday because they didn't have them so I'm going to order these two off the Internet. It's like I need to know.

I don't agree with the Presidents ideology and it doesn't make me a racist but I also want to know where he comes from as a man. I want to know because maybe I'll get a better understanding of where his character is pushing for his policies. I'll be getting his books this winter.

Most of the books I have read in the last 6 months usually are not books I would choose to read but I feel it's important I read books out of my interests range so I know what's going on in the world around me. Would I typically read The Communist Manifesto? No, but I do want to understand Marxists and Communists. I normally wouldn't even read the Federalist neither but I feel obligated to read about USA History for my children's sake so they learn the truth about their Countries History then what the Progressives in this Country want you to learn. I'm learning more on Woodrow Wilson. Mr. Wilson was the first huge push on the Progressives in this Country. I would like to know how they think.

I always want to find the truth for myself. I want to understand more and learn more. You want to know a book that would blow your mind. Read Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. The book horrified me. Lets just say after reading this book I'm awake now as in I will be more vigilant in what the Government is doing and if that means I have to stretch my mind to insanity I will. Take care, Peace!!

Holding on!!

I'm feeling a little discouraged today. My emotions are all over the place so I thought I would use today as a writing base for a therapy session free of charge. It's not like I woke up today thinking I'm just emotionally broken. I see the world right now and it frightens me. I don't want to give up or I don't want to be afraid to speak my mind or feel like I'm a horrible person because I have different values than you do. I don't want to change any one's mind. I just know what I believe in and what I want. I can see good in a world of chaos and I'm holding on as tight as I can.

Yes, one of my fears is speaking my mind on what I believe. Can you imagine I'm shy? and sometime my fear makes me overly shy. I've been working on this fear for more than 10 years. I was never the person to have conversations on religion or politics but lately in the last several years I kinda started too. I was afraid too speak my mind before because of what people would think of me and I never wanted to rock the boat. I didn't want to argue with someone because I have seen heated discussions already from my past about politics and it had gotten ugly. I don't like watching two people who are passionate turn the conversation personal because they both have different ideology. Of course. when I was younger I never talked about religion because frankly I was never religious and had nothing to say really. It was a whatever attitude about religion.

Now as an adult if I don't speak my mind and stand up for what I believe is right by respecting the other point of view then I'm part of the problem. My time on the side lines sadly is over. I want to respect people even when I don't agree with what they have to say. I want to express my views in a way without attacking the other side. I want to show by example.

I know I'm a good person and I know I'm not a racist. My belief if you call it is individualism if that's a word. Yes, it's an ideology. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Individualism ]

Individuality is the state or quality of being an individual; a person separate from other persons and possessing his or her own needs, goals, and desires.

 I didn't read everything on wikipedia yet about individualism to make up my opinion but the basis of individualism is more to my belief structure than being a Progressive, Marxist, etc. which in turn I don't believe in Collective Salvation. I can't help you find God more than you can tell me God doesn't exist because you are different than me and I'm different than you. We can co-exist if we all respect we are all different and can understand we are all different.



It's so easy to infringe on someones life then to infringe upon your own life. We judge and I'm guilty of it too because we are imperfect and we make mistakes. It's our nature!! Take care, Peace!!