My Happy Place!

I GOT TO SEE CHRIS TOMLIN..........TWICE!! Music is my happy place. When life hurts I turn to music and I allow it to swallow me whole. I have surrounded myself with music so it be on my phone, my computer, and in my car and when I can't handle my difficulties I put on my headphones and I surrender myself to let my pain  listen.

I would have to say I have leaned more onto Chris Tomlin's music the most. I have been blessed to see him in Concert twice and the last time I was so close I could hear him breath. That's not creepy or anything but I  had an awesome seat and the night was amazing.

The last few months have been great because I've had more dates with my husband during the day while the kids have been in school. It's been difficult for my whole family and we got each other and no matter what this Church throws at us we're together and our family will always come first.

Music has helped with my brokenness and I turn to it so I can remember what happiness looks like. So I can remember all the good in the world and remember all the good times I had. This year has thrown me some massive shit and I kid you not it has hurt as hell. I have been emotionally beaten this year and I'm ready for a vacation, a White Flag moment to regroup cause I've been getting hit in the crossfire. Talk about Causality of War so yes, I need a break from all that stuff.

Oh Well, my music is bringing me to where I'm supposed to be not where other people think I should be. I'm on solid ground today because I'm in my happy place. Take care, Peace!

Going back to Basics!

I think I'm going to take a mental break for a while. I need a Jesus Break and in saying that I'm going to immerse myself in Music. Music is my life and when life feels like pressure I forget how it feels just to listen to the world through Music.

So I'm gonna make a playlist of all my favorite Christian Music and keep playing it on repeat until I feel a little whole again.

This is our God-Hillsong

Forever Reign-Hillsong

Glory of it all-David Crowder Band

10,000 Reasons(Bless the Lord)-Matt Redman

Lord of Lords-Hillsong

How great is our God-Chris Tomlin

Blessings-Laura Story

Your love never Fails-Jesus Culture

Surrender-Lincoln Brewster

Those are some of the songs I can think of while I sit here. I'm sure there are many more songs that would make an awesome song list. I need to be spiritually fed right now and you can't do wrong with some of the great Christian Singers out right now.

I don't know why I stop listening to music when life feels like crushing my soul. Actually I do know but I would rather not write how I feel about evil within the world. I don't want to shine light on something that's not worth the words that I write.

I need to express the love of our father and through music I can worship him for loving me.  At times, I confuse where the focus should be on. Jesus died because he loved us all. It's true when you accept Jesus into your heart you will never be the same because I felt it and now accepting what that truly means it's hard wrapping you mind behind how you can truly be loved so greater than God loves you, it's like wow and at the same time hard to understand how deep that truly goes.

People may think I have lost my mind and knowing Jesus is alive within me and when comfort is needed, it's so nice to feel like he came to rescue me here on Earth so I could live. That's the most comfort I have gotten in along time. It's a nice feeling when times are hard knowing you are loved for who you are when the world is making it impossible to love one another. That is awesome.

I searched and I found. Take care, Peace!

Eye of a Hurricane!

I prayed I would go see a Chris Tomlin concert. In December 2010 I found out Chris was coming to Portland. I was going to be there but the day my husband and I were going to buy his concert tickets the concert was sold out.  My heart hurt a little and going to Seattle which was his last city on his tour wasn't an option. I thought maybe next time and my dream to see him in concert would have to wait for another time.


Later that day I got an email saying Chris Tomlin was adding another concert in Portland for April 14th. We bought the tickets right then. Pinch me, I was one step closer to seeing Chris Tomlin. Why Chris Tomlin? His music inspires me and his songs brings me closer to Jesus.


The hurricane of my health troubles started on March 17, 2011. I fought hard to get up on my feet. I struggled and I prayed. This concert meant so much to me. I knew I had to be there. I knew it would change my life. It was like desperation and the very need to be there was pushing me to move forward. 


The day I was admitted for the third time into the Hospital I realized this time was a little more serious then the last two times in the hospital.  I still kept my faith in 10 days I'll be enjoying my time listening to Chris Tomlin....I prayed because it didn't look promising.


So I had a Lung Tap, I had a blood Transfusion and oh right, I also had lung surgery all in a 5 day period. After surgery I calculated in my head I have 3 or 4 days with tubes sticking out of my body and I need to get off my IV pain medication. I needed to be discharged neither Wednesday or Thursday morning. Monday before the concert I got my tubes taken out and the IV pain medication went away on Tuesday and by Wednesday I was allowed to go home which meant I was going to the concert Thursday Night!! 


Thursday Night I was listening to Chris Tomlin. I was present and soaking it all in. Who knew less than a week earlier I was in a surgery room getting my lung operated on due too an empyema pleural effusion in my right lung. I heard there were 5 other people who had the same thing I had and I was the lucky one who survived. 


Even though I was still having problems breathing I sang my heart out. It felt so right and I was amazed I was actually there like it was a dream. I saw Chris Tomlin in concert. Those words I can't believe I said it. I was listening to Chris Tomlin in concert watching him and listening to him sing his beautiful songs. It was a miracle I was there when a week before I was told by my pulmonologist I would need lung surgery. 


My prayers were answered and dreams really do come true. This was my eye of the hurricane because a few days later I was back on another journey of more medical problems that lasted for along time. 


I needed this break and this special moment. It would push me through the very hard days, during my endless nights of depression and the sadness within my heart. It got me through my trials of pain and when I wanted to give up I would remember how I felt during the concert and it kept me moving along.


Today is near the end of September and I'm slowly learning to live again and the hurricane slowly gone with a lot of damage left behind. I will rebuild my life. I will get my heart right again and my season of depression will be a thing of the past because God is Good!!


I will remember the eye of the storm and what a blessing it had on my life. I'll never forget!

These scars got me on the road to see Chris Tomlin in concert. They may be ugly scars but to me they are my blessings and without them I would never have made it to April 14, 2011. Take care, Peace!


http://www.christomlin.com/

I love to sing but suck at it now!!

There once was a time where I could sing. I wasn't Whitney Houston but I could hold a tune. I was even in a Musical at age 23 years. It was a great moment to say I was in a Musical and something I can write off my bucket list of things to do before I die. I joined the choir my mother was involved in because I needed to do something to get over my shyness. Yes, I was extremely shy!! What better way to get over being shy then to sing in front of people. I had a great time which lead me into being asked to be involved with a Musical with our local theater. It was a great experience. After that I just sang for me. I enjoy singing and I would do it ofter but after I got really sick with my son's pregnancy 4 years ago I stopped singing as often. The anemia and other medical problems have gotten in the way but now I'm having a hard time singing. I'm so bummed. Maybe someday I will sing for my own enjoyment again but until then I will sing within my head. Take care, Peace!!

When life throws you lemons... fight back!!

Two of my favorite singers. Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston. So I enjoy this song. I enjoy getting something out of it and it gives me hope. I feel like I'm just dragging on sometimes having more self pity parties then doing something to change the crap I feel that is dragging me down. It's time I just throw that crap away.

Church has helped me heal and it seems like I've been crying more the last few months but I need it. I need to heal and going to church has made me see what I need to let go. I need to let that burden go. I need to feel whole again. I need to stop feeling like I'm not worthy.

I'm all over the place emotionally and one of these days I'll get it. The sun will come out tomorrow. Until then I'll be soaking up songs like this one to remember what's important. Take care, Peace!!

Merry Christmas!!

Sometimes I just need strength!!

I've been feeling unsettled and sad. I maybe depressed I don't know. My heart is hurting and it's not settling with me. I need something to lift me up out of this chaos of my mental destruction. My brain goes places of self mutilation of my well being. I feel weak and defeated. I'm not supposed to be like this and I don't want to be like this so why am I feeling like I'm all alone?

I want to inspire and to be the one to lift other people up instead I'm having to pick myself up off the floor wrapped with my own tears. It's a struggle of my old life colliding with my new life. It just takes me all my strength not to go back to old habits of my obsessions with my eating disorder restricting my eating or binging. It's mind consuming to keep on the straight path.

Music has always been my blanket of comfort so I'm leaning on it more the last few days to get my head on straight. I've been listening to a lot of Christian Music and it has help some. I'm run down and its heartbreaking. I feel broken and lately I'm just at the brink of just putting my hands up and say that's it. I can't do this anymore and not caring is a lot less work than caring.

I feel like one big phony because in public I have a smile on my face and pretending nothing is wrong yet at the same time I feel like breaking down and crying because I'm not okay. I don't want to show weakness to the world and show I'm a fragile person on the edge of  falling off the cliff into emotional hell. It's the continuing voice in my brain over and over again....You are Not Worthy!! I am not worthy because I'm pretending to be someone I'm not. I'm pretending to be this well rounded individual who has life on her shoulders but in reality I'm just going through the motions of getting by one day at a time pretending life is great. My image is a shattered self portrait of denial and self pity and if only I was skinny.

So I'm learning to embrace my life and accept it just the way it is to love myself in spite of my insecurities of my self destruction. I don't want to be pushed back into the darkness again. That kinda scares me. I just have to keep reminding myself what that life consisted of because I belong, I am love, and I'm worthy. Life will give you road blocks but it's what you do to push through the pain that matters. I'm pusing through and time will tell if I survived this road block in the journey I call my life.

The video I posted.... I love this song. It gives me hope. Take care, Peace!!

Meaning in your Life!!

What do you want out of your life? What does Life mean to you? Life is different for everyone. I believe in Music and it's message. I can hear a song and whatever circumstance I'm going through at the moment I find meaning of understanding I'll be okay. Lately, I've been listening to a few Christian songs. The one I'm posting is from Lincoln Brewster called Surrender.



The first time I heard this song was in Church. I was sitting down at the time but if I was standing up it would have brought me down on my knees. It broke me in a way like a force I can't explain in a good loving kinda way.

And I Surrender
All to you
All to you

I was touched like nothing I have felt before in my life. The power of the message in this song just made me have a different outlook into my life. I cried not because I felt sad..... I felt relief. I believe in receiving the message in a way you can relate too and feel comfortable with. God knows I live in the music. He knows I can relate and understand the meaning behind a song. This has never happened to me before where a great feeling over came me. It really was comforting!!

Why this song? Why in Church? Why now? I believe Gods message is what I needed to hear right now. It's my time and he knows I'm ready to listen to the word. This is my testimony. Would I have accepted this message like 7 years ago? No, because 7 years ago I wasn't ready to hear it.

I'll leave you with another song I love listening too. Chris Tomlin: How Great is our God!!



Live to love my friends, believers and unbelievers. Take care, Peace!!

Lets Dance!!

On an average day when I'm not over dramatic on my thinking I'm quite a free spirit. I'm usually the person you see in lets just say Walmart or Target dancing in the isles being all silly with my kids. I'm the one singing to the music while I'm shopping. I don't find this embarrassing at all. I see it as I'm having a good time with my family enjoy the small things life has to offer.

I would rather see a family having a good time then seeing some kid having a tantrum on isle 7 with their parent ready to pull their hair out. I also say Hi to everyone. Sometimes I get weird looks like who's this person saying Hello to me but that's who I am. I like expressing my positivity even when I could careless of being friendly. I don't like being serious all the time and so acting like a big goof laughing having a good time makes me feel good.

My kids are used to me singing so they don't think it's unusual when I start singing in stores while we are shopping. I'm sure they will think it's weird if other people who don't do it. Of course, I'm not belting out the word being disruptive when I sing and I'm no professional but it makes me feel good. I usually stop or don't sing if the store is busy. I am respectful to other shoppers. When my family is having a good time we end up having less drama. Sometimes it doesn't work and we're out of control but it reins in less drama when I start acting like a goof ball with my kids. It takes the focus off whatever meltdown they were about to have or meltdown I was about to have..lol!!

Just because I'm a Mother doesn't mean I have to be boring and act a certain way. Whatever moves you to be happy who cares how you get there!!

It's fun to not take life so serious and I enjoy being happy. Stop and smell the roses once in awhile. Take care, Peace!!

Something New!!

Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you’ll never know me
Every day, is as if I play apart
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I can not fool
My heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I am now
In a world where I have to
Hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
What’s inside my heart
And be loved for who I am

These are some of the lyrics to the Song Reflection sung by Christina Aguilera from the movie Milan. I feel like that so often wanting to show what's in my heart but feel like I have to hide who I am. I'm not afraid to tell the world anymore. I'm going to stand up and be proud to show the real me and maybe I'll need help expressing myself through one song at a time.



I believe in being inspired by love, honor and just believing in yourself. I may not have the answers and I get discouraged but I know I have mended a broken heart, seen horrible things in my lifetime but I want to share all the good too. Life can be great and our world could be great. We just need to accept life!!

That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence

Love - Devotion
Feeling - Emotion
Love - Devotion
Feeling - Emotion

Don't be afraid to be weak
Don't be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence

If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny
Don't care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don't give up and use the chance
To return to innocence

That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence

This song from Enigma touches my heart. I cry each time I hear it. I feel empowered with a sense of belonging to the truth and just following your own way in the world. The message is so powerful and speaks from the heart. The return to innocence. I can never turn back time but I can only move forward. I want to return to innocence and to believe in my destiny.



Life is what you make of it. I want my life to be the best it can be. Take care, Peace!!

Positive Living!!

I don't know if I'm making a difference in this world. I'll never know but I'm sure enjoying my writing and I'll talk about my passions on life as long as I have breath to take. I saw this video on a blog I regularly read. I found it amazing and a beautiful piece of art.



Always believe in yourself and stand up for what's right. Take care, Peace!!

Beautiful People!!

I have some extra time today. The daughter is playing her Wii Fit and the son is taking his nap. My, when I'm on my music kick I can't stop myself.

Certain music makes me thinking about attractions of the opposite sex. I don't think that's any thing to be worried about. I was having a conversion recently with a friend and I don't think being a married women there is anything wrong with having attraction to the opposite sex when you're in a committed relationship.  I enjoy looking at good looking people.



I love feeling sexy.  I may not pull it off at times because I'm one big goof but I try and that's the important part I think. I told my hubby I may need hair extensions because I have a bob do right now. He likes long hair on me. I had long hair when we met but I chopped it off shortly there after. I grew it out after my daughter was born but then I got sick and sadly had to chop my hair all off. I feel more sexy with long hair. That's just me.

I got a few attractions to men right now.  I guess the major one right now is Joe Flanigan. I also like Ben Affleck. He was so hot in Armageddon. I have to thank my hubby on that one. Ben wouldn't have been on my radar if it wasn't for that movie. Over the years I kinda had a preference of whom I was attracted too and my hubby is the opposite to that. He's sandy brown hair and hazel eyes. I liked tall dark haired guys. Eye color didn't matter to me yet they had to have nice eyes. I knew this guy when I was younger and I thought he was so hot until he took off his sunglasses and the attraction went right out the door.

I even had attractions towards women too. Big shocker!! Not really. I can admit liking beautiful women. Jessica Alba for one. I just think she's hot. I think someone hijacked my music player. Music I downloaded isn't the same right now then when I picked them. Man, that sucks. I have to go fix that. Okay, back to feeling flirtatious. My hubby thinks there isn't any hope for me. :) I blame him really. I didn't know who Joe Flanigan was until Stargate Atlantis. Thanks to my hubby for introducing me to SyFy. It's all his fault!!

He knows I choose him. We're best friends and we know we're important to each other. When my hubby and I first met we used to flirt all the time. Those were good time or more like we still do it. Memories!! My hubby is a sexy babe like all the other guys I'm attracted too. The list goes on and on!! Why I'm going to post this blog entry is beyond me. I must have gone mad!! Take care, Peace!!

Getting back into Music!!

I just love You Tube. I can find music and my all time favorites on there. I love Chicago. I have their greatest hits. I used to listen to this group over and over again.  I found the video of one of my favorites from them.



I have no sappy sad story behind this song. I just love this song. I could make up a story about this song but nothing. I enjoy great music. I didn't care they were a bunch of old guys. I just like their music. Like I got my son into Journey. He loves their music. I can put on Journey and he gets full of smiles and my daughter likes grooving to Abba. I'm feeling like today is going to be a great music day. I'm pulling out all the old tunes of my youth. Here's my all time favorite Whitney Houston song!!



So many nights listening to this song and my gosh, I used to sing this song like crazy. It never gets old. I used to sing this song for my son when he was a little baby. It used to calm him down before bed time.  The Bodyguard was a great movie and Kevin Costner was sexy in this movie. I can't believe I just said that. No one needs to know I found Kevin Costner sexy. I kinda think men in Uniform are just sexy. That's how I roll :)

Oh my, look what song I just found. BRIAN ADAMS. Lets not mention he forgot the words to the "Oh Canada" during the World Series years ago. We may forgive but never forget. It was quite embarrassing. Okay, I just love this song and I even like DJ Sammy's version of it too. Here's Heaven!!



Okay, Yes I also loved the BackStreet Boys. Kevin was my favorite out of them all. Oh Kevin, and no I don't have a thing for guys named Kevin. Ha Ha!! I bet you would guess I loved the New Kids on the Block. What 14 year old girl didn't love the NKOTB? I bought my first cassette tape in Montreal Canada and months later I had to buy another because I played it so much it wore out. Yes, I said cassette tape!! We didn't have the fancy CD's we have now back in the late 80's. Okay, here's one of my favorite Backstreet Boy's songs. I have a few I enjoy.



Okay, two more songs. Here's a blast from my past. Reminds me of Puppy Love. Oh those were the days of crazy days and nights. I had to choose between these two Belinda Carlisle songs "Mad about you" and "I get Weak". They both are great but I choose Mad about you!!



STARSHIP: I loved this group. Man, I didn't realize how much I have aged myself. Oh who cares, great music is great music. So much cool music to pick from but I have to stop sometime. Maybe I'll do another music blog and post my all time favorites. Oh my, I'm all giddy!! Music is inbreed in my soul. Here's Starship:



I feel at peace today. I enjoy sharing the music I love. Makes me remember what's important in life. Take care, Peace!!

This girl rocks!!

I'm so proud of this Girl with talent and grace. I know she's going to go far with her career. I hope she surrounds herself with great people who will keep her grounded and not let her be a spoiled Diva. Charice is a beautiful girl and I wish her all the best. Love this songs!! Take care, Peace!!

Lost Souls of the World!!

This song means a lot to me. I want to share this video and song to the world to you all out there who need some inspiration and some hope with your life. This song has carried me through a lot of hard times. Even though I don't know some of you personally I understand your pain. I understand where you are coming from. Life isn't easy but somewhere and sometime in your struggle with difficultly I care. I care you can achieve a great life like I was blessed with. There is hope for a better life even when you lost the most personal part, your heart. I've seen broken dreams, abuse, self destruction and I made it. You can too because you're never alone even when you feel like you are. Other people has felt your pain. People do care like I do. I care!! The Pretender's with I'll Stand by you!!



There is always hope if you just reach out your hand. It may not be today but sometime someone will reach out and touch your hand and help carry you through those tough times. Take care, Peace!!

Songs that define my life the easy way!!

So I've been on some music train the last few days. I was thinking last night what three songs would sum up who I am about. It was a difficult choice because I love all kinds of music and the choices were hard but I managed to do it. There are some I want to share but maybe in another post sometime later.

I choose these three because they have meaning to me in a way I can't explain but I'll try. The first song was easy because I had many nights just playing this song over and over again. I get inspired by this song. When I was hurting like crazy, crying with sorrow in my heart, not feeling like I can move forward I would put this song on and feel like I can just survive. I really was just surviving and trying to figure out my life. I had many sleepless nights of trying to make sense of the life I was given. I was a lost soul. This song gave me strength put one foot forward. Here's Hero by Mariah Carey. Enjoy!!


The next song is from Brittany Spears. I love this song because my heart has been hurt many times by the people who were supposed to love me and protect me. I lost all faith with the matters of the heart and I just wanted a chance so be patient with me. Love took time for me to believe in. I was a damaged soul who just needed the chance to grow and flourish. Enjoy!!!



The last song gives me inspiration. The need to be raised up from all that pain. I so relate to his song. I had many nights just listening to this song. I just love it. I know how it feels to have no hope. I understand when you have no where to go. There are people in my life I thank because I had many days where I'm thankful they raised me up to see I was worth it. I was worth living to them and I was special to be here. There were days in my life I just couldn't bare feeling the hurt, sorrow and pain. I was emotionally broken. I thought my parents killed my soul and their were days I just didn't know if I could do it. I didn't know if I could deal with all the pain. I didn't want to kill myself but I didn't know if I had any strength left to live. It was a very difficult time in my life. It's not some place I ever want to go back too. I learned so much about myself from that time in my life. I've been to hell and back and I'm grateful for all the support I've gotten over the years from my friends. This songs raises me up. Here's Josh Groban You raise me up. Enjoy!!



So those are the three songs I would have to sum up who I am. I am a hero with in myself, I need sometime to come around and I've been raised up by the people who love me. Enjoy the love you have within you. Take care, Peace!!

Where do Broken Hearts Go?

I had some spare time tonight so what do I do? I've been listening to my music because their is nothing on TV and I needed some down time from the crazy wild day with the kids. I survived is putting it mildly. I found some video's of the music I'll be talking about. I hope I don't mess this up. I'm new to putting video's in my posts. I can't figure some of this stuff out with blogger html and sometimes it gets a little hairy and I can't ask the hubby because he isn't here. He's my to go guy when it comes to computer language and all. So bare with me here if I mess this all up.

So I was surfing You Tube finding some of the video's I wanted for this post and found them all. So I love music and I can repeat over and over how I love music. Haven't you guessed that out yet? The first song on the list is when I was back in Junior High in the late 80's. I know I'm old like 35 years old..old!! This song I love because it reminds me of my first crush. I mean obsessive crush like my life is over crush but you have to understand I was a 14 year old girl. Everything I did back then was over the top drama and everything was like I was going to die. Just like my life today but a little more over the top. I thought I was madly in love with this guy. Oh my, I couldn't get over him for years and when I was in my early 20's I would dream about him and it would drive me crazy. I don't think you get over your first crush. This song is dedicated to my Junior High Crush!! Enjoy to everyone else!!


The next song is to my other guy who broke my heart. I shouldn't be talking about him but it was in my history and every time I hear this song I think about him. He was the hardest guy to get over and I care about his well being where ever he is today. This next song has meaning to me whenever I listen to it like the rejection just stings you and you have a hard time getting passed that. It took along time to mend my broken heart from this guy. Sometimes today I think about him. I wonder what he's doing and as much as this sounds weird I wonder if he thinks of me. I know that sounds so fucked up but I have to be honest about it. I do wonder about it. I kinda sound so conceited. It was a strange relationship but I can't change the fact my heart got shattered. It hurt like crazy and I slowly moved on. I had a really hard time with it and my hubby understood and to this day I don't understand he was so supportive and forgiving. It was his best friend yet my hubby supported me. Not a lot of people would willingly do that. I don't know if I could be so forgiving but we moved on and that's the most important part. Okay, this sounds so weird but this song is dedicated to my hubby's old best friend. Everyone else...enjoy!!


Okay I left the best for last. This next song is also from Savage Garden. When my hubby and I met we lived miles apart in two different countries. We fell in love with each other not knowing what each other looked liked. We got to know each other by what was in our hearts. I'm sure that's why we have that spark in our marriage. It wasn't the physical attraction in the beginning of our relationship that drew us together. I think that's special. The physical attraction came later when we did finally meet. This next song reminds me of the love I had for my hubby before we met each other in person for the first time like this song was written for us. He was my prayer and he came into my life at the right moment. The universe doing it's magic. This song is dedicated to my hubby, the missing piece I have been looking for. I had lots of bumps in the road before I realized he was the real deal. He's my gift to make me see life's wonderful if you let it. My Best Friend and Husband. I love you!!!


Okay those 3 songs are a few I can't seem to get through without A) neither crying B) neither crying. I typically don't have any way of getting though those songs without crying. They bring out some serious emotions out of me. I decided to share them with you. Not that I'm bringing up old wounds or anything. I just came to realize my past is my past and broken hearts really never go away but you learn to live with it. Take care, Peace!!

Love is the Best!!

Lyrics Give Me Forever (I Do) - James Ingram and John Tesh

Looking out, I see
And I know just how much
You're a part of me

I see you and I together in life
So there's nothing I wouldn't do
To make you my wife

Won't you give me forever
To show all of the love
I have here for you
And if you give me
My reason for living
To love you, I love you, I do

With this ring
I'm bound and I promise
I'll never let you down

To family and friends
And the Lord up above
I swear I'll be true to you
And give you my love

Won't you give me forever
To show all of the love
I have here for you
And if you give me
My reason for living
To love you, I love you, I do

Oh, baby, I'll love you
Forever and forever
Oh, I do, oh

Won't you give me forever
To show all of the
Love I have for you
All the love I
Have for you, baby
And if you give me
My reason for living
To love you, I love you, I do To love you, I love you, I do To love you, I love you, I do

I love this song. So my hubby has been gone for awhile. I dedicate this song today to my hubby with all my heart. I miss him because he's my Best Friend. The universe brought us together. It's like my heart aches for him and my stomach has butterflies when I think about him. I have different love for my children but for my hubby it's different. I'm happy he choose me to be his wife. Forever I do!! Life is special and finding someone to share life with is a blessing. Life is too short to have a hard heart. Take care, Peace!!

I feel Inspired!!

Whenever I listen to music I just feel a sense of peace. Music brings out some powerful feelings within me. I kinda need this energy and like I have said in some other blog entries I don't know where I would be if it wasn't for music. I'm happy to give this gift to my children. They love listening to the radio with me. They like to dance and groove like my daughter calls it. Music just makes me happy even when I'm sad and having a self pity party. I have a different prospective to life. It's refreshing!!

When I listen to music that came out around the time I met my hubby and listen to it today it reminds me why I fell in love with him. Sometimes life gets in the way and days goes by and I'm frustrated in the moment and listening to music makes me stop and remember what really matters. He's my rock and the love of my life even though he can drive me up the wall with his organized mess I still remember the love we have for each other. Love is so simple yet can be so complicated at the same time.

Madly Truly Deeply - Savage Garden (love this song)

I'll be your dream
I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy
I'll be your hope
I'll be your love
Be everything that you need
I'll love you more with every breath
Truly, madly, deeply do
I will be strong
I will be faithful
'cause I'm counting on
A new beginning
A reason for living
A deeper meaning, yeah

I want to stand with you on a mountain
I want to bath with you in the sea
I want to lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me

And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky,
I'll make a wish send it to heaven
Then make you want to cry
The tears of joy for all the pleasure in the certainty
That we're surrounded by the comfort and protection of
The highest powers
In lonely hours
The tears devour you

Oh can you see it baby?
You don't have to close your eyes
'Cause it's standing right here before you
All that you need with surely come

The hubby got to see Savage Garden in Concert back in the Summer of 1998 when they were in Portland. I was so jealous he got to hear them in concert. Now Savage Garden split up so I just listen to them by CD. This song was one of my favorites of the time. A long distance relationship is hard and it's one of those relationships you neither have to take it to the next level or break up. As you guessed we didn't break up. We think it was worth it. This song is dedicated to my hubby tonight for all our wonderful memories. I love you babe!!Take care, Peace!!

All I need is Music!!!

I sure love listening to music. Know matter what's going on in my life I can listen to music and everything seems like all the pressure of life just makes me feel like everything is going to be okay. Lately I've been putting more music into my life. I don't know why I go though days without listening to some form of music. My kids love listening to music with me. I tell them to just move with the songs and sometimes we just dance and move with the melody. We might go to see The Imagination Movers in Concert in December. I hope we can make that work but it's so close to Christmas so we'll have to see. I'm also planning the family vacation trip for next summer and I'm so hoping for Canada. I haven't been back for so many years. I miss my family and that's the one sad thing about moving away from my family and friends is I never get to see them. I just have to understand I moved away for love. It sure makes me sad though no matter how I try to make myself feel better about moving away. The family(friends who became my family) was there for me when I needed a rock and an anchor in my darkest times and I appreciate the love and support. How crazy it must of been like to let me go like that but that's what I needed at the time. Looking back now, it was the best thing I needed to do for myself. Wow, it's been 11 years since the hubby and I met in person. I was a 23 year old University Student working at a Hotel just decided to buy a plane ticket and go after my destiny. I could have been just a little crazy but I did it and it's apart of my history. It's crazy how life happens sometimes and now I'm listening to music remembering all my crazy times, stupid things I've done and all the wonderful moments of my life like giving birth to my two children. I sure lived a wild life. I remember a time when Dirty Dancing was so popular and it was the summer before the 7th or 8th grade. Was I 12 or 13? I can't remember but anyway Dirty Dancing was popular and my friends would sing and dance from the soundtrack for hours. I remember my parents wouldn't let me listen to certain music(everything that was there kind of music) which was everything popular and I would put headphones on and I had this crappy music player but I would get this radio station from Boston and I could only get it at night and it was like the top 100 songs or something like that. I felt like a rebel doing something I wasn't allowed doing but when I heard my mother doing laundry I would put something else on so she wouldn't catch me listening to something I wasn't supposed too. That sounds so crazy but you would have to know how my mother was at the time. She wasn't all that nice of a person to me back then. She had to control everything but she tried so hard with me but I fought her hard and I just learned how to be sneaky, secretive and closed down when I was around my mother. I wished many nights of why I was adopted and if I could have another mother but that's what happens when you're living with an alcoholic. My mother denies to this day she was a bad mother but when you're being controlled my alcohol you most likely don't remember half the shit you did. I fought hard to stay clean and my wake up call was when I broke my arm to realized I had a problem back in 2003. I didn't want to end up being like my mother. I'm almost 35 years old and I feel like I've already lived a lifetime. My kids lives are going to be different then my childhood. I would be happy if they learned of my life but only experience maybe a quarter of it. I did have great moments in my life especially with friends. Wild times!!! Never forget about your past but live in the present and work towards the future. Take care, Peace!!!!

Music is my saving grace!!

Life can get to dang crazy at time and the only way I can clear my head is listen to music. I've been feeling overwhelmed lately over nothing really. I put the kids down for their nap today and I felt like an anxiety attack coming on. I felt like I was suffocating so I decided to put my headphones on and listen to some music. It helped me in so many ways it's hard to explain. All the tension I've been feeling kind of just lifted off my shoulders. I should put my music back into my daily life again. I keep forgetting how much I appreciate my time just listening to music. No one can take this away, not even bad music. Most of the music I have on my blog I listen too and I should do it more often because even though some of the songs I feel like balling my eyes out or getting up and singing my heart out I love the meaning behind the songs. It helps me get out all the emotions I have within myself and it's like a release. I'm glad I have a healthy way to release all the tension because really I know from experience it's not good to keep things all kept tight in your soul. Music is my therapy and sometimes I feel sad listening to a song because it reminds me of a moment in time and then I'll listen to music being reminded why life's great. When I'm done I feel so refreshed and the feeling feels great like my own personal high. I just want to get up and do something and whatever struggle I have seems to not be so huge before I started listening to music. The end is good and some of the songs it reminds me how lucky I am to have a great husband and family. I have a wonderful support system who have my back. I have a lot of love in my life. So I'm sharing this with you. When life seems so hard just listen to some music, so be in your car on the way home from work or after the children go to bed. Find some time to just be by yourself and just crank up the tunes. Sing or don't sing but let the music go through you. Cry if you need to or scream your head off but let all that tension out. One thing about music is it doesn't judge, doesn't talk back and it's just you and the music. You can even control your emotions by music so if you're sad because of a breakup or you lost your job then listen to sad and depressing music then turn it around to inspirational music to upbeat music. Music can be a tool to get out all the emotions you need to get out to just release it to the universe. No one has to know about it. For example I needed Cindy Lauper today True Colors exactly. Here are some of the lyrics: You with the sad eyes Don't be discouraged Oh I realize Its hard to take courage In a world full of people You can lose sight of it all And the darkness inside you Can make you feel so small But I see your true colors Shining through I see your true colors And that's why I love you So don't be afraid to let them show Your true colors True colors are beautiful, Like a rainbow Show me a smile then, Don't be unhappy, can't remember When I last saw you laughing If this world makes you crazy And you've taken all you can bear You call me up Because you know I'll be there This song touches my soul because I needed this song today to remind me life gets hard at times and no matter if things get so crazy it's okay to feel crazy but in the end everything will be all right so be crazy for awhile because life is wonderful and you just have to believe in yourself and ask to for support when you can't bare to be you. Leaning on something greater than you when you just can't at time doesn't make you weak but makes you a stronger person then most. There is no shame in asking for support even if that means just being by yourself for awhile listening to music you love. Take care, Peace!!!!