Drug Addiction

Going into something like drug addiction you think it couldn’t happen to you. I knew I was different because I did have addiction in my past so I was self-aware it could happen to me. I was very outspoken to the medical community of my concerns. My Doctor gave me a plan to wean off the opiates. Being on pain killers were putting pressure onto my heart. I know how I am with addictions. I was afraid I was addicted and in my heart I knew I was addicted. Truth, I got addicted to opiates and I had to do something about it. I was taking pain killers because I had surgery on my lung and I was healing from Pneumonia and it was needed for pain control. By this time in my recovery my body needed these drugs but not for pain control. Going off the Vicodin would be a 4 week battle of withdrawal and would I even have the strength to make it? I knew going into it would be hard; I would have to find it within my being to trust in Jesus to carry me through this time in my life.

The mental endurance I had to go through was excruciating when I was getting off the physical need of Narcotics. I was in battle with my physical body because all my body new was I was lacking something it needed. I was denying something it wanted to feel better. I was choking the very need of its addiction and in doing so I was in great physical and psychological pain and I was going through heavy restlessness, irritability and I had great pains throughout my body that was intense every time I moved.

I took a lot of hot scolding baths and listened to a lot of Chris Tomlin during this time with the support of my family. I did a lot of crying to Jesus and it was him who gave me great strength to focus on his face. I also realized when the pain would feel less tense the week would be done and I had to step down on the amount of mg I was taking. Once again, I was starting all over again from the beginning. I had to remember my withdrawal was impairing my judgment, my ability to think clearly, reason and rationalize my everyday life. I was having very unpleasant and intrusive thoughts because of these opiate withdrawal symptoms.

I was aware I could have self-destructive behavior and my thoughts included suicide. I asked for Jesus to watch over me and my safety throughout my struggle. I knew I really didn’t want to commit suicide and I really didn’t want to self-destruct and I gave that control to Jesus to watch over me. I really wanted him to protect me from myself of doing something stupid. I wasn’t myself throughout this. My own thoughts were not really my own thoughts and I was struggling for clarity. I don’t think I could have done it without Jesus and my family. I had moments of complete breakdowns, complete sadness, sorrow of unbelievable proportions and the physical pain that was on my mind 24 hours a day. The comfort of love and support is what got me though the 4 weeks. It’s almost a year from the beginning of this ordeal and I could say I’m completely healed I would be lying. I still crave for Opiates and I still have physical pain I deal with on a regular basis but I wouldn't change anything because I learned something about myself and I felt the true love of Jesus Christ. It was a blessing. I hope I never have to experience that again but if I do I know I can get through it. I did it once and I'm sure I can do it again. Take care, Peace!!

New Beginnings!!

So my hubby and I looked at the ugly truth and looked at our finances last night. It was not pretty but not that bad at the same time. Yes, we were over extended like the majority of this country but we think we can get out of our credit card debt in a few years IF we are mindful of our spending. Our expenses were ugly and I think I was in shock we spent so much money at Target just turns your stomach sour. It was like we were living a rich man's lifestyle on a poor man's salary. It's the whole saying "Buy now and Pay later" but the problem with this is the paying later. I think we had good intention to just pay later but it's the vicious cycle where you plan to pay your debt back but you keep spending and then the pay later gets bumped further into your future. I think Credit is Evil!! Not worth it and it's one of those things I wish we didn't apply for credit. I think it would have been good to just have one but having several not a great idea but it's reality and so we have to change how we look at money so we can pay off those damn credit cards. Those cards are a thorn in our children's future. They got to be paid off!!! So we have a plan. Right now, it's cutting out some expenses we can live without. Not eating out as much and reining in on the grocery bill to just buy what we need to just buying a lot of junk food. All the extra nonessential spending is out meaning no more buying like we're rich at Target anymore and going back to spend the basic needs for the kids. Of course, their are expenses we have that we can't change because it's the bills like mortgage, power, water, garbage etc. No more living like we have a money tree!!! It's a process and we made a choice to look at our finances every two weeks. It's going to be tedious for a while but you know saving for our families future is worth staring at income statements and balance sheets every 2 weeks. I'm getting excited because if we're smart we can get at least 3 of our credit cards paid off in ONE year or confidently 2 cards paid off in one year. By our calculations if we just are frugal with our spending not to the point of pinching pennies but being realistic about our wants verses our needs we can live comfortably and save money. The goal is paying off those credit cards for good and going back to just having one. I think in a couple of months our 2 kids will be getting their College Funds started. That's exciting to me. I think that's an accomplishment as a Mother to give this gift to my children and actually start on the road then just talking about it and doing nothing until it's too late. I know I can do this and I have excitement I haven't felt in along time. I really want this and I know it's going to pay off. It's like the mentality of wanting to become rich by only buying Lottery Tickets. That's fine because people have won big but you could be waiting your lifetime and never win. Instead of waiting for my large payout from the Lottery I'm taking that first step to making my Lottery winnings by doing instead of waiting. No one is going to make us have financial Security and now I feel like I'm on some infomercial plugging some product for getting rich. You know maybe my family won't get rich by changing our spending but we'll be way better off then we were a month ago by not doing anything. We're taking our family back to a healthier financial living and to me that's better than just talking about change and not actually changing. We're changing for the better!! Take care, Peace!!