Drug Addiction

Going into something like drug addiction you think it couldn’t happen to you. I knew I was different because I did have addiction in my past so I was self-aware it could happen to me. I was very outspoken to the medical community of my concerns. My Doctor gave me a plan to wean off the opiates. Being on pain killers were putting pressure onto my heart. I know how I am with addictions. I was afraid I was addicted and in my heart I knew I was addicted. Truth, I got addicted to opiates and I had to do something about it. I was taking pain killers because I had surgery on my lung and I was healing from Pneumonia and it was needed for pain control. By this time in my recovery my body needed these drugs but not for pain control. Going off the Vicodin would be a 4 week battle of withdrawal and would I even have the strength to make it? I knew going into it would be hard; I would have to find it within my being to trust in Jesus to carry me through this time in my life.

The mental endurance I had to go through was excruciating when I was getting off the physical need of Narcotics. I was in battle with my physical body because all my body new was I was lacking something it needed. I was denying something it wanted to feel better. I was choking the very need of its addiction and in doing so I was in great physical and psychological pain and I was going through heavy restlessness, irritability and I had great pains throughout my body that was intense every time I moved.

I took a lot of hot scolding baths and listened to a lot of Chris Tomlin during this time with the support of my family. I did a lot of crying to Jesus and it was him who gave me great strength to focus on his face. I also realized when the pain would feel less tense the week would be done and I had to step down on the amount of mg I was taking. Once again, I was starting all over again from the beginning. I had to remember my withdrawal was impairing my judgment, my ability to think clearly, reason and rationalize my everyday life. I was having very unpleasant and intrusive thoughts because of these opiate withdrawal symptoms.

I was aware I could have self-destructive behavior and my thoughts included suicide. I asked for Jesus to watch over me and my safety throughout my struggle. I knew I really didn’t want to commit suicide and I really didn’t want to self-destruct and I gave that control to Jesus to watch over me. I really wanted him to protect me from myself of doing something stupid. I wasn’t myself throughout this. My own thoughts were not really my own thoughts and I was struggling for clarity. I don’t think I could have done it without Jesus and my family. I had moments of complete breakdowns, complete sadness, sorrow of unbelievable proportions and the physical pain that was on my mind 24 hours a day. The comfort of love and support is what got me though the 4 weeks. It’s almost a year from the beginning of this ordeal and I could say I’m completely healed I would be lying. I still crave for Opiates and I still have physical pain I deal with on a regular basis but I wouldn't change anything because I learned something about myself and I felt the true love of Jesus Christ. It was a blessing. I hope I never have to experience that again but if I do I know I can get through it. I did it once and I'm sure I can do it again. Take care, Peace!!