So long 2010!!

Well it's the time of year to reflect on the old year past and look towards a New Year coming. My blues have gone. I'm not so emotionally unstable anymore. My relationship with God is a bumpy one at best but I'm slowing surrendering my control over to God but I'm not quite there yet. Maybe this year with be the year of salvation for me.

Well Christmas was wonderful and traumatic all wrapped up in one little package. My 3 year old son decided he wanted to go super fast while he was standing on a swivel computer chair which he fell off and bit threw his lower lip which we spent over 3 hours at the hospital getting him stitched up. The process of the experience was horrible watching your child screaming for the doctor to be done while he was strapped down on a board with needles being poked in his face, tubes pushed through his lip to clean out his wound. It was something I hope I never have to go through again. This happened in the evening so we still had a great morning and was able to visit the rest of the family. My poor boy was so tired after his stitches he curled up in his fathers arms and fell asleep.

Today of all days our son got his fingers caught in our bathroom door and got some skin ripped off his little fingers. He can't wait to start the New Year. The last week hasn't been nice to him.

All in all this year compared to years past wasn't so much on the shitty list. It's been a building year with my health getting better, the family going to church, getting more fellowship and the daughter starting Kindergarten, the son in his early intervention class and the hubby and I got to get away to our favorite spot Reno for a few days.  We are blessed and I'm wishing everyone a blessed 2011 and see you next year. Take care, Peace!!

Vitamin D Deficiency!!!

I don't know if I'm going to cry or laugh with joy. My body has been falling apart on me since my last pregnancy with my son. I finally got my answer today and the Doctor called saying yes, I had Vitamin D Deficiency. The blood test is called 25-hydroxyvitamin D test and 25(OH)D levels should be between 50–80 ng/ml, and my level was 10. I've started my new drug Drisdol. I take one pill once a week then in three months I go back and take the test again to see where my blood level is. I feel like I finally got some hope. I was at the end of a rope I was desperately trying to hold on too with no safely net to catch me if I fell. It was very frustrating banging my head against the wall with the medical profession I felt wasn't listening to me. So as of today, I have Diabetes (cross between type 1 and type 2), Anemia (thinks it's due two various causes), Orthostatic hypotension (irregular low blood pressure), and various complications it's two many to count. The one problem I have is dealing with severe fatigue. It is frustrating talking to my Doctor's and explaining I AM super tired ALL the TIME and lowering my way of life to the point I can barely function during the day and them telling me I shouldn't be that fatigue and my thought was something is causing me to feel this way. It's like do you think I enjoy feeling this way because it sucks and I get so frustrated and I wasn't going to sit back and accept my life would be like this for the rest of my life. I wanted answers and hope. I have a life I want to live and do things with my children instead of sitting on the sidelines. I have to work around my energy levels and hopefully I might not be doing that anymore. It's like looking at the life you want through the window but you can't touch it. I don't like feeling so sick all the time. I don't like feeling I'm not in control of my own body so today I may have gotten my prayer and answer I've been waiting so long to hear. So my new chapter to my journey starts today. I'm going to fight to get to a healthier life. This is my new beginning. I hope you will join me along the way through my good days and some of the bad. I just know life will get better for me and I can fully enjoy my life and maybe on my new journey my body will finally work for me as each day goes by. Take care, Peace!!!

Life moves on!!

Wow, I'm slowly having some time to breath. This past week has been busy and the hubby had a week of vacation we thought it would be a week of just relaxing but instead we are running around with appointments and such. I thought vacation is to rest and reflection on life to figure out how to enjoy time and family but instead we are running around. I think I'll take a break in the next decade. Oh well, at least I'm being honest about it :) I knew we should have gone to Reno for a few days. I went and found myself a new Doctor. The other one I had was nice but she couldn't help me any longer. I'll be calling tomorrow to find myself a new Hematologist also because the one I'm seeing isn't doing anything I feel is helping me so it's time to move on. I got some of my tests results back and those one's have come back in the normal range. Most of those tests were from my yearly Diabetes routine blood tests. I am waiting for the big test, a new one which I'll be waiting impatiently for. It's the 25-hydroxy vitamin D test to measure how much vitamin D is in your body. I'm being tested for Vitamin D Deficiency. I think I've been tested for everything else but not this test. I'm really hoping this is my answer to all my problems and it's treatable with drugs. I started taking drugs for my Orthostatic hypotension and it took what almost 6 months to get that taken care of. I'm not looking forward to get my A1C back because I know it will be high. The A1C test is the diabetic test to see how controlled your Diabetes have been controlled over a period of months. My last A1C was 6.5 which is okay. Doctor's like Diabetics to be around the 6 mark but under 7 is ideal. During pregnancy they want you around 5 which can be done but it's not something I could do on a forever deal. My doctor's prefer me to be between 6 and 6.5 because of my Diabetic Retinopathy(eye disease). I would rather not have to get laser treatments again and if my Diabetes is under a certain number it puts strain on my eyes so I can't be too low or of course, too high. My weight is good and has been stable for the last 9 months. Other than having a large amount of blood drawn my health is stable as in no more new medical problems to deal with. I'll write when I get my very important test back. You think what medical problems I don't have...cancer...I don't have cancer.....I am blessed I don't have cancer!!!! Well my son had his speech therapy appointment and we decided to put him in the early development program to help him with his speech. I know he's only two but he's way behind at his age and like I told the hubby it doesn't hurt to help him now before it can become a serious problem later. He was so professional at his appointment. I think it was because his sister wasn't there and it was something fun for him. He got to play with toys at this appointment and point to pictures so to him this was easy. I also made Hearing appointments for the whole family. I know the daughter has wonderful hearing but it's good to have a base hearing test for her so in the future she needs another hearing test they already will have one on file for her. The son needs one with his on going speech situation and I figured the hubby and I should get out hearing done too. Well I finally gave myself a break but soon I'll be baking a cake for my hubby. It's his 35th birthday today. Happy Birthday sweetie!!! Busy Busy Busy!!!! I'll slow down sometime in the future. Take care, Peace!!!!

Tomorrow's Test!

Well after all these Doctor's visits over the months and getting blood drawn for various tests I have my EEG tomorrow. I'm scared to death with a lot of anxiety and afraid they will find something yet at the same time I'm hoping they will find something so the Doctor's can fix me. I don't know how many times I can say I don't feel well and feel run down, fatigue and all other sorts. It's been really bad lately and my good days are getting farther in between. I keep it together because of the kids. It's bad enough my 3 year old knows Momma doesn't feel well all the time and it takes a lot of energy to get things done. The hubby has helped with cleaning and running down to the nearest McD's for dinner because I don't have the energy to make dinner some nights. I know lately the home cooked meals don't happen as often as I want but I don't want to burn out for my kids sake. You do what you have to do in a time like this. Even though it can be frustrating being so sick and rundown all the time but my kids need me to be there for them then sitting around feeling sorry for myself.

Oh well, maybe going down the Neurology aspect will get me some answers this time around of testing because my Hematologist needs to get his head out of the clouds and do more than watching my CBC numbers each month. Every few months I hear from him saying my anemia is stable and I'm thinking this guy is a moron and the reason I'm stable because I'm on a drug called Procrit. He's an idiot and will give him one last chance for him to give me answers. I will find a Hematologist who will listen to me and give me answers then being told I will have to live with this condition for the rest of my life because I say the (blank) with that. No way will I accept living my life like this for the rest of my life. I just need a smart Doctor to figure out what is wrong with me like Doctor House but without all the surgeries... :)

Oh, the bead business is coming along. I'm hoping to get some books this week about making jewelry and even getting some magazines. I'm really excited about going down this road and it will be a lot of fun. Okay, it will be a fun adventure. I promise to post some of my pieces here when I finish some. I guess when I have to sit and rest I won't be bored. Their is so much of Dr. Phil and Oprah you can watch when the kids are sleeping. Take care!

My rock bottom!

This was my rock bottom and this is when I decided to change my life around. I was tired and new I needed to change and didn't know where to start. I didn't know what to do and it felt like I had no where to go. It was the end of my road. I couldn't go any deeper and this was it. I was shattered and broken. I was defeated emotionally, physically and I needed hope in my life. I just found out I was pregnant sitting in the Doctor's exam room on my second appointment and wondering what I was doing. It was a scary place to be all alone and wondering if I could be strong and handle what was before me. It felt like I didn't have anything more to give. I was carrying a gift I knew in my heart at the time I didn't deserve. I needed help fast and I didn't have anything to lose...this was my end! When my RN came into the room and introduced herself to me I cried and told her everything. I was putting my feelings on the line to a stranger but this time it felt right. I couldn't handle my life anymore. I needed help. I felt like I had peace when she said she would help me because she took some of my burden away. I trusted her knowing she would do everything she could to get me though this journey. I knew I had along ways to go and with her on my side week after week she pulled me though my pregnancy. She made sure I was safe and got me medical staff on my side covering every angle to make sure I was taken care of. I grew up a lot during this time. I saw a different aspect of my life, my marriage and the love growing for this baby inside. I let my heart heal. I became an adult when I realized this pregnancy was the thing that saved my life. I believe it was a gift from God to show me I was worth it. Seeing her little face holding my daughter for the first time I knew I made it. I had my healthy beautiful baby girl. A new change in my life for the better. I want a different life for her and she deserves a strong mother to love her and keep her safe. She was the gift I needed to show me she was worth fighting for. My family needs me and I need them. Thanks so much my sweet little girl! Thanks to my husband for staying by me in my time of struggles and my RN who helped me get through this scary time. I appreciate it all. God bless!