New changes are coming my way. I was knocked down pretty hard and sometimes I don't want to ask why but I do want to know the answer for why. I'm not going to live my life in the dark, I'm not going to allow my heart to be crushed and I'm going to try my hardest to stand on my own two feet when the wind blows.
I'm going to make more room to for what makes me happy, I'm going to look through the eyes of pure love then if the world is hating me. I know it's going to be better for me. When you have seen the darkest of lows you know what's staring you straight in the face if it's good for you or not. Changes are coming and it's like an fuck you to the devil and I'm not going to allow him to steal my happiness.
It's been along road of destruction in my life. I'm dealing with a heavy blow to my inner peace but I'm slowly coming back from that. I'm going to make some serious changes to my life. I'm working on fixing a lot of me that's still broken. I'm working on the inner me because my children are worth it and my relationship with my husband is very important to me and he's worth it to me.
I can't promise anything but I know that I can only go is up because living in darkness sucks and as much as I felt pressured to become an idea of what a Christian I should be it has hurt me. I decided to be who I am because that's all I can be. I don't need a label to tell me what I'm not but be the person God has intended me to be. I just want to treat people like I want to be treated. I may be a shy and quiet person but I have a lot to say and I'm ready to shine a light in this world.
Love and Peace!
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
April 30, 2013
January 10, 2013
When Life Stops!
I truly understand how my Hubs must of felt when his world stopped when I got Pneumonia almost two years ago and I was in and out of the Hospital.
Yesterday was my turn. I woke up like I always did and my hubs was home telling me we needed to go to the Emergency Room. His whole left side was numb, his upper back hurt and various other symptoms. I was upset he didn't wake me up sooner. I slept in until 10:30 am and he took the kids to school at 8:25 am. I was not pleased he waited that long because I was thinking blood clot or stroke.
We got to the Emergency Room checked in and I told him to call his Mother and let her know and she would have to pick the kids up after school and take care of them until we got any news back. When they took his vitals his blood pressure was high and that worried me.
When they called him back it took awhile until we saw the Doctor and when he did finally come to see my Hubs he decided to order a Chest X-ray, blood tests, an MRI and the ER Doctor wanted to consult the Stroke Team. Heart Problems is high in my Hubs family Medical History. It scared me and I tried keeping it together.
So during various trips to get food or a drink I kept reports going on Facebook and I texted his Pastor. I haven't gone through something so scary before. He's the love of my life, he's my Rock, he's everything to me and I'm waiting for bad news, I'm preparing for the worst and what I'll be facing. I can do this, I can be his Rock now. I needed Jesus to get me through this. I need him to carry me through this so I can be there for my Hubs. I had to be strong for him because he did it for me. Life may get hard and I was preparing for that. I will be strong.
After 5 hrs and a bunch of tests later he will not be dying anytime soon but he will need to see his Primary Doctor for more tests to find the cause for his numbness. He didn't have a Stroke, he didn't have any blood Clots and his Heart is Healthy, his Lungs were Healthy and his blood work came out really good. Thank you Jesus. I can breath now. Take care Peace!
Yesterday was my turn. I woke up like I always did and my hubs was home telling me we needed to go to the Emergency Room. His whole left side was numb, his upper back hurt and various other symptoms. I was upset he didn't wake me up sooner. I slept in until 10:30 am and he took the kids to school at 8:25 am. I was not pleased he waited that long because I was thinking blood clot or stroke.
We got to the Emergency Room checked in and I told him to call his Mother and let her know and she would have to pick the kids up after school and take care of them until we got any news back. When they took his vitals his blood pressure was high and that worried me.
When they called him back it took awhile until we saw the Doctor and when he did finally come to see my Hubs he decided to order a Chest X-ray, blood tests, an MRI and the ER Doctor wanted to consult the Stroke Team. Heart Problems is high in my Hubs family Medical History. It scared me and I tried keeping it together.
So during various trips to get food or a drink I kept reports going on Facebook and I texted his Pastor. I haven't gone through something so scary before. He's the love of my life, he's my Rock, he's everything to me and I'm waiting for bad news, I'm preparing for the worst and what I'll be facing. I can do this, I can be his Rock now. I needed Jesus to get me through this. I need him to carry me through this so I can be there for my Hubs. I had to be strong for him because he did it for me. Life may get hard and I was preparing for that. I will be strong.
After 5 hrs and a bunch of tests later he will not be dying anytime soon but he will need to see his Primary Doctor for more tests to find the cause for his numbness. He didn't have a Stroke, he didn't have any blood Clots and his Heart is Healthy, his Lungs were Healthy and his blood work came out really good. Thank you Jesus. I can breath now. Take care Peace!
August 27, 2012
This is for my Dad!
Dear Dad,
This letter has been along time coming and for the last couple of months it's been a focus on my heart to reach out and say something. I know when I walked out of your life the summer of 2001 I knew my life would be different. I chose to end a relationship with my father and it hurt me deeply because I lost you as my Dad. I walked away for a life I knew I deserved but didn't know if I was truly worthy of it.
I had to save myself from the hurt, the pain and the feeling that I was chancing a dream that I would never get from you. It needed to end, the abuse and the struggle by the lack of emotional emptiness I was getting from you. All I ever wanted was to be loved by you like one's father loves his daughter. For that reason, I had to say goodbye.
When I left your life I was emotionally broken and I had to learn to live without you. I had to look at my life differently and when people asked about you it was difficult to explain I have a Father but he's not in my life anymore.
This morning my prayer was answered and I was given words to express my longing to communicate with you. By words of faith that Jesus lives in me and through his grace I'm forgiving you and love you just how Jesus loves me and has forgiving me of my sins. 1John 4:10-12 This is Love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
The love of God changes people and he is changing me and I know that I'm a princess/daughter of the Highest King like you are a prince/son of the same Highest King. Hebrews 12:2 Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter, of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
I found my life in Jesus and I embraced his open arms and through his transformation of my heart I know I'm worthy. I also know through Jesus I Am God-Designed, Purpose-Intended, Significant, Lavishly-Loved, Princess/Daughter of the King of the Universe.
This is for God's glory and I'm praising him for giving me the strength to be set free from the chains I put within my heart that bound me up by the notion of rejection by you. I truly love you and you may not be in my life any longer but I hope you have a great life and you find peace within you.
Much Love,
Darlene
This letter has been along time coming and for the last couple of months it's been a focus on my heart to reach out and say something. I know when I walked out of your life the summer of 2001 I knew my life would be different. I chose to end a relationship with my father and it hurt me deeply because I lost you as my Dad. I walked away for a life I knew I deserved but didn't know if I was truly worthy of it.
I had to save myself from the hurt, the pain and the feeling that I was chancing a dream that I would never get from you. It needed to end, the abuse and the struggle by the lack of emotional emptiness I was getting from you. All I ever wanted was to be loved by you like one's father loves his daughter. For that reason, I had to say goodbye.
When I left your life I was emotionally broken and I had to learn to live without you. I had to look at my life differently and when people asked about you it was difficult to explain I have a Father but he's not in my life anymore.
This morning my prayer was answered and I was given words to express my longing to communicate with you. By words of faith that Jesus lives in me and through his grace I'm forgiving you and love you just how Jesus loves me and has forgiving me of my sins. 1John 4:10-12 This is Love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
The love of God changes people and he is changing me and I know that I'm a princess/daughter of the Highest King like you are a prince/son of the same Highest King. Hebrews 12:2 Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter, of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
I found my life in Jesus and I embraced his open arms and through his transformation of my heart I know I'm worthy. I also know through Jesus I Am God-Designed, Purpose-Intended, Significant, Lavishly-Loved, Princess/Daughter of the King of the Universe.
This is for God's glory and I'm praising him for giving me the strength to be set free from the chains I put within my heart that bound me up by the notion of rejection by you. I truly love you and you may not be in my life any longer but I hope you have a great life and you find peace within you.
Much Love,
Darlene
January 23, 2012
Drug Addiction
Going into something like drug addiction you think it couldn’t happen to you. I knew I was different because I did have addiction in my past so I was self-aware it could happen to me. I was very outspoken to the medical community of my concerns. My Doctor gave me a plan to wean off the opiates. Being on pain killers were putting pressure onto my heart. I know how I am with addictions. I was afraid I was addicted and in my heart I knew I was addicted. Truth, I got addicted to opiates and I had to do something about it. I was taking pain killers because I had surgery on my lung and I was healing from Pneumonia and it was needed for pain control. By this time in my recovery my body needed these drugs but not for pain control. Going off the Vicodin would be a 4 week battle of withdrawal and would I even have the strength to make it? I knew going into it would be hard; I would have to find it within my being to trust in Jesus to carry me through this time in my life.
The mental endurance I had to go through was excruciating when I was getting off the physical need of Narcotics. I was in battle with my physical body because all my body new was I was lacking something it needed. I was denying something it wanted to feel better. I was choking the very need of its addiction and in doing so I was in great physical and psychological pain and I was going through heavy restlessness, irritability and I had great pains throughout my body that was intense every time I moved.
I took a lot of hot scolding baths and listened to a lot of Chris Tomlin during this time with the support of my family. I did a lot of crying to Jesus and it was him who gave me great strength to focus on his face. I also realized when the pain would feel less tense the week would be done and I had to step down on the amount of mg I was taking. Once again, I was starting all over again from the beginning. I had to remember my withdrawal was impairing my judgment, my ability to think clearly, reason and rationalize my everyday life. I was having very unpleasant and intrusive thoughts because of these opiate withdrawal symptoms.
I was aware I could have self-destructive behavior and my thoughts included suicide. I asked for Jesus to watch over me and my safety throughout my struggle. I knew I really didn’t want to commit suicide and I really didn’t want to self-destruct and I gave that control to Jesus to watch over me. I really wanted him to protect me from myself of doing something stupid. I wasn’t myself throughout this. My own thoughts were not really my own thoughts and I was struggling for clarity. I don’t think I could have done it without Jesus and my family. I had moments of complete breakdowns, complete sadness, sorrow of unbelievable proportions and the physical pain that was on my mind 24 hours a day. The comfort of love and support is what got me though the 4 weeks. It’s almost a year from the beginning of this ordeal and I could say I’m completely healed I would be lying. I still crave for Opiates and I still have physical pain I deal with on a regular basis but I wouldn't change anything because I learned something about myself and I felt the true love of Jesus Christ. It was a blessing. I hope I never have to experience that again but if I do I know I can get through it. I did it once and I'm sure I can do it again. Take care, Peace!!
The mental endurance I had to go through was excruciating when I was getting off the physical need of Narcotics. I was in battle with my physical body because all my body new was I was lacking something it needed. I was denying something it wanted to feel better. I was choking the very need of its addiction and in doing so I was in great physical and psychological pain and I was going through heavy restlessness, irritability and I had great pains throughout my body that was intense every time I moved.
I took a lot of hot scolding baths and listened to a lot of Chris Tomlin during this time with the support of my family. I did a lot of crying to Jesus and it was him who gave me great strength to focus on his face. I also realized when the pain would feel less tense the week would be done and I had to step down on the amount of mg I was taking. Once again, I was starting all over again from the beginning. I had to remember my withdrawal was impairing my judgment, my ability to think clearly, reason and rationalize my everyday life. I was having very unpleasant and intrusive thoughts because of these opiate withdrawal symptoms.
I was aware I could have self-destructive behavior and my thoughts included suicide. I asked for Jesus to watch over me and my safety throughout my struggle. I knew I really didn’t want to commit suicide and I really didn’t want to self-destruct and I gave that control to Jesus to watch over me. I really wanted him to protect me from myself of doing something stupid. I wasn’t myself throughout this. My own thoughts were not really my own thoughts and I was struggling for clarity. I don’t think I could have done it without Jesus and my family. I had moments of complete breakdowns, complete sadness, sorrow of unbelievable proportions and the physical pain that was on my mind 24 hours a day. The comfort of love and support is what got me though the 4 weeks. It’s almost a year from the beginning of this ordeal and I could say I’m completely healed I would be lying. I still crave for Opiates and I still have physical pain I deal with on a regular basis but I wouldn't change anything because I learned something about myself and I felt the true love of Jesus Christ. It was a blessing. I hope I never have to experience that again but if I do I know I can get through it. I did it once and I'm sure I can do it again. Take care, Peace!!
February 9, 2011
Be who you are!!
The last several months something was really bothering me but I couldn't put my finger on it. It was heavy on my heart but I couldn't figure it out. I thought it was all due to my winter blues and I passed it off but each week would go by I knew something was not quite right until last weekend when it all came to a head and everything poured out.
I know who I am and I live my life in a way that's best for me but it's not always shown to the world in a way that I tend to express myself so new people think I'm this other person but I'm not what they think of me. So when my husband jumped head first into our new church back in October he was excited and the launch team got to know him, got to hear his faith and got to understand him but I felt like they didn't know me and I was pushed along on his coat tails on his faith, on his likeness and the whole time I felt I was living like someone I wasn't. I know who I am and where I stand but I felt like they saw me through him. That's how I felt even if my assumption was correct or not. I felt used like all I was too this new launch team was another head to take care of the children of the church when I felt I needed to be in the Church growing my faith then to serve it.
I think these last few months have been going to fast for me and it had caught up to me. I'm just not ready right now. I need people to see me not what they think of me through what my husband has done. Our faiths are totally different, we need different things but the end goal is the same. My approach to life is way different then my husbands because the way we were brought up in life. So when we got more involved with the church I was feeling pushed into something I wasn't ready to do but felt obliged into serving the church because of my kids and the excitement of my husband.
I was feeling fake like this wasn't me and I wanted to be excited and I wanted to trust what was happening but the more I just let it go on its own path the more it bothered me, the more I saw things weren't right for me. This wasn't my journey. The talk I had with my husband this past weekend we realized what we need to do as a family in our own home but we haven't figured out what to do about the church. It's not like I want to just up and leave the church because I think I still need the church. I'm just going to be true to myself and be who I'm supposed to be then an image of what people think I am.
I feel better in knowing I was true to myself in knowing what was bothering me. I stood up for me. I enjoy my journey but sometimes you go down a path that was never meant for you. It's high time I get back on my own. Life's too short to not be yourself. Take care, Peace!!
I know who I am and I live my life in a way that's best for me but it's not always shown to the world in a way that I tend to express myself so new people think I'm this other person but I'm not what they think of me. So when my husband jumped head first into our new church back in October he was excited and the launch team got to know him, got to hear his faith and got to understand him but I felt like they didn't know me and I was pushed along on his coat tails on his faith, on his likeness and the whole time I felt I was living like someone I wasn't. I know who I am and where I stand but I felt like they saw me through him. That's how I felt even if my assumption was correct or not. I felt used like all I was too this new launch team was another head to take care of the children of the church when I felt I needed to be in the Church growing my faith then to serve it.
I think these last few months have been going to fast for me and it had caught up to me. I'm just not ready right now. I need people to see me not what they think of me through what my husband has done. Our faiths are totally different, we need different things but the end goal is the same. My approach to life is way different then my husbands because the way we were brought up in life. So when we got more involved with the church I was feeling pushed into something I wasn't ready to do but felt obliged into serving the church because of my kids and the excitement of my husband.
I was feeling fake like this wasn't me and I wanted to be excited and I wanted to trust what was happening but the more I just let it go on its own path the more it bothered me, the more I saw things weren't right for me. This wasn't my journey. The talk I had with my husband this past weekend we realized what we need to do as a family in our own home but we haven't figured out what to do about the church. It's not like I want to just up and leave the church because I think I still need the church. I'm just going to be true to myself and be who I'm supposed to be then an image of what people think I am.
I feel better in knowing I was true to myself in knowing what was bothering me. I stood up for me. I enjoy my journey but sometimes you go down a path that was never meant for you. It's high time I get back on my own. Life's too short to not be yourself. Take care, Peace!!
February 8, 2011
What's right!!
So this past weekend, my world just got flipped upside down. Things that have been brewing for the last several months just blew up and came out. I learned the love my husband has for me and his love to protect his wife became clear to me. He's my stable rock and I should lean on him more because he's one of the few who truly understands who I am and why I do things differently because of the way I had to survive and keep my journey going forward.
I'm not the person to just have a full on meltdown. I tend to keep it within myself because I don't have a lot of people I trust to put myself out there for judgement and in doing so I kept a lot of burden on my shoulders.
I do what's best for me, I know how much I can handle and I know when I need to step up but this past weekend I kinda lost it. Do I feel good I did it? Yes and no. I'm glad my husband and I got to talk and to chat about what we should do as a family but I don't feel good it had come in the way that it did. I feel like I let myself down in a way I promised I would tell my husband everything. He supports me and wants the best for me and he proved it this past weekend. We don't know all the answers but we'll be working together on finding a solution so our family stays where it should be.
He doesn't want me to suffer and in telling him about my feelings the past few months of things going on outside of our family has strengthened our bond. We are a family first and that's what matters first. The answers are out there and now I just need to listen. Take care, Peace!!
I'm not the person to just have a full on meltdown. I tend to keep it within myself because I don't have a lot of people I trust to put myself out there for judgement and in doing so I kept a lot of burden on my shoulders.
I do what's best for me, I know how much I can handle and I know when I need to step up but this past weekend I kinda lost it. Do I feel good I did it? Yes and no. I'm glad my husband and I got to talk and to chat about what we should do as a family but I don't feel good it had come in the way that it did. I feel like I let myself down in a way I promised I would tell my husband everything. He supports me and wants the best for me and he proved it this past weekend. We don't know all the answers but we'll be working together on finding a solution so our family stays where it should be.
He doesn't want me to suffer and in telling him about my feelings the past few months of things going on outside of our family has strengthened our bond. We are a family first and that's what matters first. The answers are out there and now I just need to listen. Take care, Peace!!
January 21, 2011
January 18, 2011
Is this the end of the road?
I've been thinking about ending this blog. I have no inspiration to chat, bitch or write about anything. I had great idea's of things I wanted to talk about but then I would get mad. I've been getting mad a lot lately and it's so hard to keep my mouth shut because I have a lot to say but actually writing my thoughts in a respectful matter without writing this person is a dumbass is quiet hard so I haven't been writing because I'm trying to be a respectful person and frankly it's hard. I want to slap so many people upside the head it's not funny.
I keep saying I woke up and the world has gone mad. How am I going to raise my kids where my being is being challenged and to raise them in a world where life doesn't make sense? It's going to be work and at ever turn the more they get older I will have to challenge the crazy society we live in and whatever it will throw at them. I'm always thinking of my kids. It's always about my kids.
It's not that I want my kids to live without hardship because I think that's part of life but I want them to understand with a moral foundation of love and acceptance with out hurting their integrity.
Maybe I should change my thought process when I read the news or when I read an article a friend has posted on Facebook because lately I just shake my head and profanities just come out in my head. It's quite sad really our humanity has gone this far with little care and understanding of each others uniqueness. If only people would just stop and see the diversity as a blessing rather than a hindrance.
Why is it when you have an opinion someone doesn't like it neither turns into you're a racist, a hate monger, you're misinformed etc etc? When you resort to ignorance to make a point you have already lost your argument.
I just know I'm not going to be quiet and I'm going to stand up for what's right which means I'll stand with my friends and stand up for people I don't agree with because love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
So as much as I want to slap so many people upside the head I know that's not the answer so I'll just shower them with hugs and kisses and tell them they are loved. We are worthly and so is my blog so I will stick around a little longer. Take care, Peace!!
I keep saying I woke up and the world has gone mad. How am I going to raise my kids where my being is being challenged and to raise them in a world where life doesn't make sense? It's going to be work and at ever turn the more they get older I will have to challenge the crazy society we live in and whatever it will throw at them. I'm always thinking of my kids. It's always about my kids.
It's not that I want my kids to live without hardship because I think that's part of life but I want them to understand with a moral foundation of love and acceptance with out hurting their integrity.
Maybe I should change my thought process when I read the news or when I read an article a friend has posted on Facebook because lately I just shake my head and profanities just come out in my head. It's quite sad really our humanity has gone this far with little care and understanding of each others uniqueness. If only people would just stop and see the diversity as a blessing rather than a hindrance.
Why is it when you have an opinion someone doesn't like it neither turns into you're a racist, a hate monger, you're misinformed etc etc? When you resort to ignorance to make a point you have already lost your argument.
I just know I'm not going to be quiet and I'm going to stand up for what's right which means I'll stand with my friends and stand up for people I don't agree with because love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
So as much as I want to slap so many people upside the head I know that's not the answer so I'll just shower them with hugs and kisses and tell them they are loved. We are worthly and so is my blog so I will stick around a little longer. Take care, Peace!!
January 3, 2011
My goals for 2011
So this is a new year and I thought about what I want this year to be about which is...love and knowledge. That's about it. Nothing special, nothing dramatic just what it is. I read a lot last year and I want to read even more this year. I can't get enough reading my books. I also want less pity parties and more giving of one self, feeling god's love and expressing love I can give. I want my journey to be inspirational and enjoy my growing as a person.
If I fail, I will pick myself back up and keep trying. Happy Thanksgiving!!
If I fail, I will pick myself back up and keep trying. Happy Thanksgiving!!
November 9, 2010
Life is exploding!!
I'm at a crossroads in my life. I'm scared out of my mind. The fear of choosing which path to take and will I make the right choice. I haven't completely given my life to Christ and maybe that's my problem. Maybe I'm just scared to completely let go of my control to a belief I know that's right. I feel like I'm being pulled in two different directions and the unknown is making me feel like a failure and defected.
I feel defected. There I said it. I lie to myself often like if I let that part of my being be honest it's like I'm a failure. I live to be positive. I want to inspire and to bring a new understanding of supporting one another of lifting people up who are lost so they too can see the world as good.
I know who I am. 10 years ago if you asked me who I was I probably would have said something generic because I really didn't know. My life is clear to me now. I know what I stand for yet at the same time I feel lost of where to go from here. Where am I supposed to belong?
I read the news and my heart is breaking with all this suffering in the world. Our legacy for the next Generation doesn't look great. We are a stepping stone for the next Generation neither to succeed or to fail. I want my children to succeed but how can we allow them to have the opportunities to grow as a Generation when we are planting the seeds for them to fail? We should be lifting each other up to give them the freedoms to carry on to their next Generations to further on in our humanity to be come greater than they are.
Why is selfishness being rewarded when charity is being victimized? We use charity to help our fellow man and we do it because it's the right thing to do. Feeling like charity is an obligation really diminishes the truth of true givings. It's not what's asked of us for what we do it's the compassion of loving someone for who they are and you want to help because you care. It's not because it's expected of you.
Our society rewards people who just want to take from people because they feel they deserve more. We all deserve more by our ability to accept each other of what we can give of ourselves to the good of humanity with our strength to lift up the lost, the weak and to raise children so they can do the same. How can we grow in our humanity when people want to take more then they truly deserve by allowing people to suffer so they can have their human rights? We all deserve human rights. That's a given but not on the backs of our brothers and sisters to bring them down so they can raise themselves up. How does that help anyone? Why do we feel like it's something to acheive to pull people down just to make ourselves feel better?
I feel like I'm being pulled in a direction of my life where I'm scared to death. I have hope yet at the same time I feel like if I go towards this direction and down this path I'm being drawn too I will fail. I don't want to fail. I guess I need to have more faith in what's good. I have surrendered to what's good and my feeling of defect is sharing in my pain to the world to see we are all imperfect. We should have pride for who we are as humans. I'm proud to stand up for what's right and to defend what's right. Maybe I'm just conflicted because I know the path I'm supposed to go down and I'm just fighting it out of my own personal fear. Maybe I should just let go!!
I'm proud to be living today. Lets inspire each other to be great and lets support each other to lift each other up. Take care, Peace!!
I feel defected. There I said it. I lie to myself often like if I let that part of my being be honest it's like I'm a failure. I live to be positive. I want to inspire and to bring a new understanding of supporting one another of lifting people up who are lost so they too can see the world as good.
I know who I am. 10 years ago if you asked me who I was I probably would have said something generic because I really didn't know. My life is clear to me now. I know what I stand for yet at the same time I feel lost of where to go from here. Where am I supposed to belong?
I read the news and my heart is breaking with all this suffering in the world. Our legacy for the next Generation doesn't look great. We are a stepping stone for the next Generation neither to succeed or to fail. I want my children to succeed but how can we allow them to have the opportunities to grow as a Generation when we are planting the seeds for them to fail? We should be lifting each other up to give them the freedoms to carry on to their next Generations to further on in our humanity to be come greater than they are.
Why is selfishness being rewarded when charity is being victimized? We use charity to help our fellow man and we do it because it's the right thing to do. Feeling like charity is an obligation really diminishes the truth of true givings. It's not what's asked of us for what we do it's the compassion of loving someone for who they are and you want to help because you care. It's not because it's expected of you.
Our society rewards people who just want to take from people because they feel they deserve more. We all deserve more by our ability to accept each other of what we can give of ourselves to the good of humanity with our strength to lift up the lost, the weak and to raise children so they can do the same. How can we grow in our humanity when people want to take more then they truly deserve by allowing people to suffer so they can have their human rights? We all deserve human rights. That's a given but not on the backs of our brothers and sisters to bring them down so they can raise themselves up. How does that help anyone? Why do we feel like it's something to acheive to pull people down just to make ourselves feel better?
I feel like I'm being pulled in a direction of my life where I'm scared to death. I have hope yet at the same time I feel like if I go towards this direction and down this path I'm being drawn too I will fail. I don't want to fail. I guess I need to have more faith in what's good. I have surrendered to what's good and my feeling of defect is sharing in my pain to the world to see we are all imperfect. We should have pride for who we are as humans. I'm proud to stand up for what's right and to defend what's right. Maybe I'm just conflicted because I know the path I'm supposed to go down and I'm just fighting it out of my own personal fear. Maybe I should just let go!!
I'm proud to be living today. Lets inspire each other to be great and lets support each other to lift each other up. Take care, Peace!!
October 21, 2010
The Dark side of Life!!
Disclaimer: Fowl language in this Post!!
I get it and I understand life can be hard. I've been in places in my life where it was painful to live. Each day wasn't any better then the next. I understand people love drama for themselves or watching, reading and participating in other peoples drama. It's in our nature and sometimes we enjoy it watching other people suffer and sometimes it makes us feel better knowing someone else is suffering just like yourself. Our society is deep rooted with drama, suffering and sometimes people just need it to have meaning whatever that may be for themselves. I had plenty of drama directly and indirectly in my lifetime and frankly I'm getting to the point I would prefer not to have as much. It's really exhausting.
When you are walking with suffering in your life it really is hard to see the world as happiness. You are angry the world is shitting on you. You see other people with joy and you just want them to fuck off, neither you are jealous of them or really you just want them to fuck off.
Sometimes it's just easier to hate the world and everyone in it then to fix your life. It's like you are so down on your life working to make things better is harder so living your life with discontent is what you're going to do. It's not like you deserve a better life and it's not like you deserve to be happy. It's like you're not worth anything better so why bother changing things. Life is a sack of shit so I'll accept it as my life and struggling with life is at least something.
It's a dark world and you never see the good stuff. You never see the opportunities surrounding your life or the people who love and care for you. All you think is they are just trying to get in your business being all righteous like they are perfect and they just don't understand you. You think they are telling you how to live your life and they don't know you. They don't know what you have been through and they sure as hell need to back off because it's your life and they really don't know how you are feeling. What do they know? They haven't gone through my struggles or my heart breaks so how can they help me besides being in my business. You really don't want to hear it neither it makes you fell like more shit or you hear some truth in what they are saying and it makes you feel like shit for seeing your life like shit. It's never a win, win!!
Of course, you don't want to hear it because of your self worth. When you don't give yourself much respect or credit no matter what anyone says you don't believe them because you don't like yourself all that much. Why would you like yourself? The world is against you and suffering just follows you everywhere you go and you never get a break on anything. It's always something which keeps bringing you down. You have the "got ya" moments to prove life is full of shit. You understand the saying "shit happens" because you are living it.
You feel alone because no one understands your pain. No one understands your circumstances and you have lost friends because obviously they don't care and it's there loss. They were bitches and who needs that righteousness anyway like their shit don't stink. I'm better off without them.
It really is a lonely life. Seeing the world like that is sad and the despair, the pain, the not feeling like you are loved, that no one understands me or can understand me is an empty shell of a life. I happened to live some of my life is this. I went through a period of my life full of rage, sorrow, frustration and anger. No one could hate me more than I hated myself. It's sad way of life. The hard part were the tears of not knowing what was next like it was bad enough you couldn't deal with life the way it is yet more things were piling up on your plate like "Come on....really?" Enough is enough yet you keep living it over and over and it's not like you don't want to have an easy life but getting their would be work. How can you deal with work when you got all this shit to do already?
It's not easy changing your life around and seeing the world differently. It took me years and at times the work was more difficult to deal with but you keep working at it. You keep moving forward with baby steps and when you fall you pick yourself up and you keep moving. You're going to get bruised and feel beaten but in the end it's all worth it. One day you will look back and hold those scars of your life with pride.
This is how I did it. Each time a problem came up as much as it hurt I dealt with the issue. I was straight up with the problem that was burdening my heart. I dug in deep and worked it out so I could let them go so when things got tough those issues wouldn't bother me anymore. Then I moved on to the next problem and worked each issue out until life started looking easier. I could see the light on the other side. Then dealing with my problems were getting much easier. You're going to have short comings and old problems will creep back into your life. You pat yourself on your back and you push through.
The more learning you do about yourself you realize how strong you really were for putting up with all your shitty baggage you were carrying around on your back. The lighter you become by working on your craziness you realize you don't want to carry that shit anymore. It was heavy..damn you it hurt. Then you realize you don't want to live like that anymore. You are strong and you realize how strong you are and it gives you strength to push through the chaos of your life.
When things become easier and you learn you really are worth it then you get hit by a ton of bricks called........ guilt!!! Oh my, my bricks of guilt consumed me down to my core being. How do you get out of that? For me I allowed myself to mourn my past life. I started building my foundation to be stronger and more resistance so when troubles came my way it was easier to deal with. My foundation didn't crumble to the ground every time I was hit with the shit part of life. You can never change the past but only live in the present and hope for the future. To move forward you ask for forgiveness and you give forgiveness and life is not easy but it can be exciting and joyful. The light feels warm and inviting. The dark is cold and depressing. You choose what you are willing to live with.
I prayed on this post to guide me on what I should say. It was not easy on me and at times hurt with sadness. I truly believe in love. I care for you and I understand the dark life and with help I want to hold your hand and be there. Someone out there cares for you even when life is lonely. I learned though my dark times you really can't do it on your own. So you will need to put your guard down and ask for support. Support has been there all along and you just need to reach out and embrace it. Life is love and life is responsibility!! Take care, Peace!!
I get it and I understand life can be hard. I've been in places in my life where it was painful to live. Each day wasn't any better then the next. I understand people love drama for themselves or watching, reading and participating in other peoples drama. It's in our nature and sometimes we enjoy it watching other people suffer and sometimes it makes us feel better knowing someone else is suffering just like yourself. Our society is deep rooted with drama, suffering and sometimes people just need it to have meaning whatever that may be for themselves. I had plenty of drama directly and indirectly in my lifetime and frankly I'm getting to the point I would prefer not to have as much. It's really exhausting.
When you are walking with suffering in your life it really is hard to see the world as happiness. You are angry the world is shitting on you. You see other people with joy and you just want them to fuck off, neither you are jealous of them or really you just want them to fuck off.
Sometimes it's just easier to hate the world and everyone in it then to fix your life. It's like you are so down on your life working to make things better is harder so living your life with discontent is what you're going to do. It's not like you deserve a better life and it's not like you deserve to be happy. It's like you're not worth anything better so why bother changing things. Life is a sack of shit so I'll accept it as my life and struggling with life is at least something.
It's a dark world and you never see the good stuff. You never see the opportunities surrounding your life or the people who love and care for you. All you think is they are just trying to get in your business being all righteous like they are perfect and they just don't understand you. You think they are telling you how to live your life and they don't know you. They don't know what you have been through and they sure as hell need to back off because it's your life and they really don't know how you are feeling. What do they know? They haven't gone through my struggles or my heart breaks so how can they help me besides being in my business. You really don't want to hear it neither it makes you fell like more shit or you hear some truth in what they are saying and it makes you feel like shit for seeing your life like shit. It's never a win, win!!
Of course, you don't want to hear it because of your self worth. When you don't give yourself much respect or credit no matter what anyone says you don't believe them because you don't like yourself all that much. Why would you like yourself? The world is against you and suffering just follows you everywhere you go and you never get a break on anything. It's always something which keeps bringing you down. You have the "got ya" moments to prove life is full of shit. You understand the saying "shit happens" because you are living it.
You feel alone because no one understands your pain. No one understands your circumstances and you have lost friends because obviously they don't care and it's there loss. They were bitches and who needs that righteousness anyway like their shit don't stink. I'm better off without them.
It really is a lonely life. Seeing the world like that is sad and the despair, the pain, the not feeling like you are loved, that no one understands me or can understand me is an empty shell of a life. I happened to live some of my life is this. I went through a period of my life full of rage, sorrow, frustration and anger. No one could hate me more than I hated myself. It's sad way of life. The hard part were the tears of not knowing what was next like it was bad enough you couldn't deal with life the way it is yet more things were piling up on your plate like "Come on....really?" Enough is enough yet you keep living it over and over and it's not like you don't want to have an easy life but getting their would be work. How can you deal with work when you got all this shit to do already?
It's not easy changing your life around and seeing the world differently. It took me years and at times the work was more difficult to deal with but you keep working at it. You keep moving forward with baby steps and when you fall you pick yourself up and you keep moving. You're going to get bruised and feel beaten but in the end it's all worth it. One day you will look back and hold those scars of your life with pride.
This is how I did it. Each time a problem came up as much as it hurt I dealt with the issue. I was straight up with the problem that was burdening my heart. I dug in deep and worked it out so I could let them go so when things got tough those issues wouldn't bother me anymore. Then I moved on to the next problem and worked each issue out until life started looking easier. I could see the light on the other side. Then dealing with my problems were getting much easier. You're going to have short comings and old problems will creep back into your life. You pat yourself on your back and you push through.
The more learning you do about yourself you realize how strong you really were for putting up with all your shitty baggage you were carrying around on your back. The lighter you become by working on your craziness you realize you don't want to carry that shit anymore. It was heavy..damn you it hurt. Then you realize you don't want to live like that anymore. You are strong and you realize how strong you are and it gives you strength to push through the chaos of your life.
When things become easier and you learn you really are worth it then you get hit by a ton of bricks called........ guilt!!! Oh my, my bricks of guilt consumed me down to my core being. How do you get out of that? For me I allowed myself to mourn my past life. I started building my foundation to be stronger and more resistance so when troubles came my way it was easier to deal with. My foundation didn't crumble to the ground every time I was hit with the shit part of life. You can never change the past but only live in the present and hope for the future. To move forward you ask for forgiveness and you give forgiveness and life is not easy but it can be exciting and joyful. The light feels warm and inviting. The dark is cold and depressing. You choose what you are willing to live with.
I prayed on this post to guide me on what I should say. It was not easy on me and at times hurt with sadness. I truly believe in love. I care for you and I understand the dark life and with help I want to hold your hand and be there. Someone out there cares for you even when life is lonely. I learned though my dark times you really can't do it on your own. So you will need to put your guard down and ask for support. Support has been there all along and you just need to reach out and embrace it. Life is love and life is responsibility!! Take care, Peace!!
October 20, 2010
Meaning in your Life!!
What do you want out of your life? What does Life mean to you? Life is different for everyone. I believe in Music and it's message. I can hear a song and whatever circumstance I'm going through at the moment I find meaning of understanding I'll be okay. Lately, I've been listening to a few Christian songs. The one I'm posting is from Lincoln Brewster called Surrender.
The first time I heard this song was in Church. I was sitting down at the time but if I was standing up it would have brought me down on my knees. It broke me in a way like a force I can't explain in a good loving kinda way.
And I Surrender
All to you
All to you
I was touched like nothing I have felt before in my life. The power of the message in this song just made me have a different outlook into my life. I cried not because I felt sad..... I felt relief. I believe in receiving the message in a way you can relate too and feel comfortable with. God knows I live in the music. He knows I can relate and understand the meaning behind a song. This has never happened to me before where a great feeling over came me. It really was comforting!!
Why this song? Why in Church? Why now? I believe Gods message is what I needed to hear right now. It's my time and he knows I'm ready to listen to the word. This is my testimony. Would I have accepted this message like 7 years ago? No, because 7 years ago I wasn't ready to hear it.
I'll leave you with another song I love listening too. Chris Tomlin: How Great is our God!!
Live to love my friends, believers and unbelievers. Take care, Peace!!
The first time I heard this song was in Church. I was sitting down at the time but if I was standing up it would have brought me down on my knees. It broke me in a way like a force I can't explain in a good loving kinda way.
And I Surrender
All to you
All to you
I was touched like nothing I have felt before in my life. The power of the message in this song just made me have a different outlook into my life. I cried not because I felt sad..... I felt relief. I believe in receiving the message in a way you can relate too and feel comfortable with. God knows I live in the music. He knows I can relate and understand the meaning behind a song. This has never happened to me before where a great feeling over came me. It really was comforting!!
Why this song? Why in Church? Why now? I believe Gods message is what I needed to hear right now. It's my time and he knows I'm ready to listen to the word. This is my testimony. Would I have accepted this message like 7 years ago? No, because 7 years ago I wasn't ready to hear it.
I'll leave you with another song I love listening too. Chris Tomlin: How Great is our God!!
Live to love my friends, believers and unbelievers. Take care, Peace!!
As in At Peace!!
I've been thinking about Peace lately. What does that really mean? Sure I put it at the end of my posts and for me Peace means acceptance of one's self. Peace is commonly understood as the absence of hostility. So if you are hostile to your inner being you are not at Peace. If you love yourself and you are confident for the love of yourself you know who you are. You are not struggling to figure out what you believe or who you are as a person. You are who you are as a person and there is no question in your mind. So of course, you would have a strong understanding of your inner foundation that makes up your love which in sense is peace with no struggle and you have no burden.
When we struggle with ourselves we don't have love in our hearts and if we do we're in pain about it. You are searching for acceptance from people, from life but how can you receive acceptance from others if you can't do it for yourself first. If someone told you are beautiful but you don't believe you are beautiful then you're not going to believe them fully. If you believe you are beautiful and someone told you are beautiful you're going to believe them fully.
At one point in my life I didn't like myself all that much. I was in mass destruction within myself and I didn't know who I was. It was a lonely time for me. I felt like I was being torn in two different directions. I hope I will never have to go through that again. For one, I didn't know who I was as a person. I thought I knew but I didn't truly or I wouldn't have been in a position to hate myself. I now enjoy being by myself with my thoughts. It's not so dark in there. I slowly started to know who I was and what I wanted, what I loved, who I wanted to become and I worked on myself to release the burden within my heart. I worked on my forgiveness for the burden I was feeling and the acceptance of myself. It's a process and I'm not quite there but I'm on the road.
Once I feel like I'm in a place where the foundation is there I can share my peace with others and help others with compassion and understanding they too can feel at peace too. It's like in the beginning of a relationship. You want to know who the other person is to see if they are compatible with you so why can't you do that for yourself?
I know it's the hardest thing I had to do is forgive myself for my failures and my bad decisions and the people who have hurt me. It took along time to forgive myself. It also took me me a hard time to forgive others who have hurt me. In the process of learning what I wanted in life I realized when you hold a grudge toward others it doesn't hurt them. They are not hurting and they are not fixated on the pain which the burden is only on you. Let that go however you want too because it's really not worth it. You are not punishing them but yourself for allowing yourself to not forgive. I forgive you and I'm ready to move on. I'm ready to release the burden from my painful feelings, my angry feelings and the struggle which isn't allowing me to move forward.
So necessarily you don't have to forgive the person whom has hurt you in person for example: I couldn't get passed the pain and suffering my mother had on my heart for verbally abusing me when I was a kid. I wanted validation from her to move on and I never got it from her. Her denial of her part in my suffering only hurt me and I couldn't move on from that. I couldn't understand why she was in denial of my pain she caused me. It was like I wanted her to suffer as badly as I was feeling. So when I poured my heart out about my feelings to her on her abusing me and I didn't get what I wanted from her. It hurt me even more which broke my heart because she was my mother and I loved her. She was my mother and I didn't understand why she wasn't giving me compassion and the love I was needing from her. I was broken and I was searching for love from the wrong place. I needed to forgive and then in return find love within my own inner being to love oneself.
When I was getting to know who I was as a person I learned I needed to validate my own feelings. I know I was abused and I know it hurt me so when I finally got it I forgave my mother. The pain in my heart was my own burden and allowing myself to keep hurting was my own suffering and not hers.
I didn't want to hurt anymore and over time I have released the burden I was carrying around within me. Having Peace is refreshing and it feels good. I like good which in turns gives me a better outlook on my life. So we all want peace. We all can have peace but we need to work towards Peace and we need to share our peace with others. So go out and enjoy your life and start the journey of forgiveness.... what ever that is for you. Take care, Peace!!!
When we struggle with ourselves we don't have love in our hearts and if we do we're in pain about it. You are searching for acceptance from people, from life but how can you receive acceptance from others if you can't do it for yourself first. If someone told you are beautiful but you don't believe you are beautiful then you're not going to believe them fully. If you believe you are beautiful and someone told you are beautiful you're going to believe them fully.
At one point in my life I didn't like myself all that much. I was in mass destruction within myself and I didn't know who I was. It was a lonely time for me. I felt like I was being torn in two different directions. I hope I will never have to go through that again. For one, I didn't know who I was as a person. I thought I knew but I didn't truly or I wouldn't have been in a position to hate myself. I now enjoy being by myself with my thoughts. It's not so dark in there. I slowly started to know who I was and what I wanted, what I loved, who I wanted to become and I worked on myself to release the burden within my heart. I worked on my forgiveness for the burden I was feeling and the acceptance of myself. It's a process and I'm not quite there but I'm on the road.
Once I feel like I'm in a place where the foundation is there I can share my peace with others and help others with compassion and understanding they too can feel at peace too. It's like in the beginning of a relationship. You want to know who the other person is to see if they are compatible with you so why can't you do that for yourself?
I know it's the hardest thing I had to do is forgive myself for my failures and my bad decisions and the people who have hurt me. It took along time to forgive myself. It also took me me a hard time to forgive others who have hurt me. In the process of learning what I wanted in life I realized when you hold a grudge toward others it doesn't hurt them. They are not hurting and they are not fixated on the pain which the burden is only on you. Let that go however you want too because it's really not worth it. You are not punishing them but yourself for allowing yourself to not forgive. I forgive you and I'm ready to move on. I'm ready to release the burden from my painful feelings, my angry feelings and the struggle which isn't allowing me to move forward.
So necessarily you don't have to forgive the person whom has hurt you in person for example: I couldn't get passed the pain and suffering my mother had on my heart for verbally abusing me when I was a kid. I wanted validation from her to move on and I never got it from her. Her denial of her part in my suffering only hurt me and I couldn't move on from that. I couldn't understand why she was in denial of my pain she caused me. It was like I wanted her to suffer as badly as I was feeling. So when I poured my heart out about my feelings to her on her abusing me and I didn't get what I wanted from her. It hurt me even more which broke my heart because she was my mother and I loved her. She was my mother and I didn't understand why she wasn't giving me compassion and the love I was needing from her. I was broken and I was searching for love from the wrong place. I needed to forgive and then in return find love within my own inner being to love oneself.
When I was getting to know who I was as a person I learned I needed to validate my own feelings. I know I was abused and I know it hurt me so when I finally got it I forgave my mother. The pain in my heart was my own burden and allowing myself to keep hurting was my own suffering and not hers.
I didn't want to hurt anymore and over time I have released the burden I was carrying around within me. Having Peace is refreshing and it feels good. I like good which in turns gives me a better outlook on my life. So we all want peace. We all can have peace but we need to work towards Peace and we need to share our peace with others. So go out and enjoy your life and start the journey of forgiveness.... what ever that is for you. Take care, Peace!!!
October 15, 2010
I am No SuperMom..deal with that!!
I never want to be a Supermom to where I feel like I have to take drugs to get me through life. I don't want the pressure for myself just to feel like I have to stretch myself in so many directions just to feel like I'm doing an outstanding job as a mother.
I'm not in a contest with other mothers to prove or show I'm better than they are. We are Mom's and it's a wonderful job at times and a horrible job at times but we do it and sometimes we don't feel appreciated being a mother but we do it anyway.
We are all working mothers with some who work outside the home and others who stay home. Some mothers are single mothers and some are not. At the end of the day we're still Mothers who love our children and want the best for them. Does it matter how we do it?
I value being a mother by the way my children are growing up in a stable environment with two parents who love and respect each other and that doesn't mean I think I'm better than the next Mom. This is how I want to raise my children and there is nothing wrong with that or wrong with how another Mother raises her children.
I'm getting out of this Mother competition society has put pressure on Mothers to be Supermoms. We do it to ourselves and I'm not going to be apart of it. Judge me Judge me not..... I really don't care what you think. My kids are loved and that's all that matters to me at the end of the day. Some days are wonderful and some days are a struggle but I know I'm doing what I feel is best for my children.
The moment I feel like I have to take some brain altering prescription anti-anxiety or an anti-depressant drug to raise my children then I'll need to re valuate my life. It's not worth it to me to put that much pressure on myself and raising children shouldn't be a daily struggle or hardship. It should give you happiness so it carries you through the tough times. Take care, Peace!!!
I'm not in a contest with other mothers to prove or show I'm better than they are. We are Mom's and it's a wonderful job at times and a horrible job at times but we do it and sometimes we don't feel appreciated being a mother but we do it anyway.
We are all working mothers with some who work outside the home and others who stay home. Some mothers are single mothers and some are not. At the end of the day we're still Mothers who love our children and want the best for them. Does it matter how we do it?
I value being a mother by the way my children are growing up in a stable environment with two parents who love and respect each other and that doesn't mean I think I'm better than the next Mom. This is how I want to raise my children and there is nothing wrong with that or wrong with how another Mother raises her children.
I'm getting out of this Mother competition society has put pressure on Mothers to be Supermoms. We do it to ourselves and I'm not going to be apart of it. Judge me Judge me not..... I really don't care what you think. My kids are loved and that's all that matters to me at the end of the day. Some days are wonderful and some days are a struggle but I know I'm doing what I feel is best for my children.
The moment I feel like I have to take some brain altering prescription anti-anxiety or an anti-depressant drug to raise my children then I'll need to re valuate my life. It's not worth it to me to put that much pressure on myself and raising children shouldn't be a daily struggle or hardship. It should give you happiness so it carries you through the tough times. Take care, Peace!!!
October 13, 2010
This is what I'm talking about!!
Well it's Wednesday and I'm getting a hang of this single parenthood. This is the easy I'm looking for. I don't mind easy and I can live with easy where I don't feel like life is a struggle where I can live without pressure, without fighting, without tears and without having to take a break because life seems too hard. I like this and it makes life so enjoyable.
Today is easy but I do miss my husband and I can't wait until he comes home in a few days. The kids think it's cool they can video skype with there father. I'm happy I can video skype with my husband and actually get to see him. It's better then talking over the phone!!
Well Life is good, the kids are still alive and I have the best family and friends in the world and my husband still loves me!! Take care, Peace!!
Today is easy but I do miss my husband and I can't wait until he comes home in a few days. The kids think it's cool they can video skype with there father. I'm happy I can video skype with my husband and actually get to see him. It's better then talking over the phone!!
Well Life is good, the kids are still alive and I have the best family and friends in the world and my husband still loves me!! Take care, Peace!!
October 8, 2010
Mighty to Save!!
I truly believe we all have a purpose in this world. I am learning more about myself in the last few months then I have ever experienced before. Get to know who you are. What do you stand for so you can just live your life with peace, love and acceptance. Take care, Peace!!
September 27, 2010
Way to go Mom.. you suck!!
I do the best for my children. I do what's best for my marriage. I work on balancing out my life so I can give attention to everyone as best I can. I do what's capable of me with my health limitations. I know my health problems were tough on my family. They were tough on me so I understand. I feel a lot of pressure all the time but I don't stew on it often because it's not healthy for me or my children. Mommy guilt can overcome me.
I have expectations I want for my children on how they represent themselves in public and at home. I think working on your behaviour starts at home. I want my children to learn how to interact well in the world and maybe I'm hard on them at times but if I allow them to just get what they want and allow them to just run a muck at home then I'm not doing them any favors out in the world. I'm working on balancing behaviour so my children learn that sometimes people will not like them but you still conduct yourself with kindness. Show by example!!
I am harder on my daughter then with my son because she's older. I discipline age appropriately. When my son turns 5 years old I'll have higher expectations for him also just like I expect my daughter to listen and do what's asked of her for what's she capable of as a 5 year old. I know their limitations but I also push both my children to work a little harder when they get discouraged because giving up and not wanting to learn isn't helping them to grow as little people into responsible adults.
If I'm not going to teach my children how to conduct themselves with good behavior then who will...society? I want my children to understand having a good moral foundation will set them up so when life throws them crap they know how to make the best out of a bad situation by being a leader in making good decisions and learning from the bad ones which means I have to give them understanding sometimes their behaviour stinks and then reward them when they are doing great.
I just want the best for my children and they are my responsibility as a stay at home mother to teach them right from wrong and it hurts when someone you love criticizes your parenting like I favor one child over the other. I love both my children but all children are different. One technique may work for one but it may not work for the other. It's a balancing act to give both my children the attention they need to strive in this world.
I went through the terrible three's with my daughter and now my son is starting his terrible three's and I'll just be as hard on him like I was on his sister because he needs to understand his bad behavior is not acceptable in our household. My approach may be different but in the end I'll expect the same results. Bad behavior is not acceptable.....period!!
I'm doing my best to give my family the attention, love and kindness I'm capable of and I'm balancing myself so we can function as a household. So my heart is bruised today and I'll get over it because I love my children to much to just give up over someone putting his foot in his mouth. Take care, Peace
I have expectations I want for my children on how they represent themselves in public and at home. I think working on your behaviour starts at home. I want my children to learn how to interact well in the world and maybe I'm hard on them at times but if I allow them to just get what they want and allow them to just run a muck at home then I'm not doing them any favors out in the world. I'm working on balancing behaviour so my children learn that sometimes people will not like them but you still conduct yourself with kindness. Show by example!!
I am harder on my daughter then with my son because she's older. I discipline age appropriately. When my son turns 5 years old I'll have higher expectations for him also just like I expect my daughter to listen and do what's asked of her for what's she capable of as a 5 year old. I know their limitations but I also push both my children to work a little harder when they get discouraged because giving up and not wanting to learn isn't helping them to grow as little people into responsible adults.
If I'm not going to teach my children how to conduct themselves with good behavior then who will...society? I want my children to understand having a good moral foundation will set them up so when life throws them crap they know how to make the best out of a bad situation by being a leader in making good decisions and learning from the bad ones which means I have to give them understanding sometimes their behaviour stinks and then reward them when they are doing great.
I just want the best for my children and they are my responsibility as a stay at home mother to teach them right from wrong and it hurts when someone you love criticizes your parenting like I favor one child over the other. I love both my children but all children are different. One technique may work for one but it may not work for the other. It's a balancing act to give both my children the attention they need to strive in this world.
I went through the terrible three's with my daughter and now my son is starting his terrible three's and I'll just be as hard on him like I was on his sister because he needs to understand his bad behavior is not acceptable in our household. My approach may be different but in the end I'll expect the same results. Bad behavior is not acceptable.....period!!
I'm doing my best to give my family the attention, love and kindness I'm capable of and I'm balancing myself so we can function as a household. So my heart is bruised today and I'll get over it because I love my children to much to just give up over someone putting his foot in his mouth. Take care, Peace
September 23, 2010
Defend the C in Christmas!!
I want to watch this movie when it comes out. Yes, I prayed this morning for a sign of my faith this morning. Then I saw the clip for this Movie coming out this Holiday Season and it warms my heart. I never thought I would be considered controversial for speaking about faith and the love of Jesus Christ. I believe!!. Take care, Peace!!
September 21, 2010
Indianprincess...this is me!!
Who are you? Well my real name is Darlene. I like writing about random things and most of the time I'm listening to some form of music. I am a wife to the most understanding and supportive husband and I'm a mother to two wonderful little kids age 5 and 3. I have lots of self anxieties which neither is a hindrance or a gift. I haven't made up my mind about that yet. I characterize myself as an awkward goof with a kind heart. I kinda get flighty when I feel like life is getting too structured for me yet I like to be laid back and that's another conflicting trait I possess.
My husband is my opposite which comes in handy when I'm all over the place when I'm stuck in my head. He brings me back to earth with my wacky doodle tenancies. I like sharing my life experiences and I'm not ashamed of what I have written on my blog. It's my life and what can I do?
Some people may think I'm just crazy and I'm fine with that. I'll take the job as the crazy person because someone has to take the job. I don't take myself serious as you can tell. I like to bring emotion to everything I do. I like to be reminded people are human and we all have feelings especially one's we want other people not to know about. I'm typically in your face about it. I may inspire someone or at least give someone a good laugh. I'm not picky with my writing and it is what it is!!
I seriously want a tattoo but I'm afraid of needles and putting myself through pain just to have a cute picture permanently sketched on my skin freaks me out. I don't care for pain. That's why I don't have one. I can still dream.
I've been a diabetic since I've been 17 years old. It sucks!! When my Doctor's bitch me out for not checking my blood sugars more often I just want to tell them to shove the lancet up their asses. Poking your finger hurts like hell.
I still have my demons I'm dealing with for example I have body image issues contributed by my eating disorder and on my good days I feel sexy and on my off days I feel like a frumpy old women. When I feel like a new change it's usually my hair that gets mangled first.
Feeling like you have no energy to function is hard. Going through this time was hard and frustrating and so exhausting I really don't know how I managed. It amazes me how my family managed through the worst of my health problems and we may be a little off and dysfunctional but we're here and that's all that matters.
I'm a work in progress and I change everyday tweaking myself here and there. I try to stay positive and I'm trying to getting my dysfunction out of my life. I know it's part of who I am so maybe the correct thing to say is I'm working on my dysfunction so I don't let it run my life into the ground. One step at a time!! We all need a hero in our lives and mine is the world!!
This is who I am!! You like me or you don't. No love lost!! Thank you for stumbling upon my craziness!! Take care, Peace!!
My husband is my opposite which comes in handy when I'm all over the place when I'm stuck in my head. He brings me back to earth with my wacky doodle tenancies. I like sharing my life experiences and I'm not ashamed of what I have written on my blog. It's my life and what can I do?
Some people may think I'm just crazy and I'm fine with that. I'll take the job as the crazy person because someone has to take the job. I don't take myself serious as you can tell. I like to bring emotion to everything I do. I like to be reminded people are human and we all have feelings especially one's we want other people not to know about. I'm typically in your face about it. I may inspire someone or at least give someone a good laugh. I'm not picky with my writing and it is what it is!!
I seriously want a tattoo but I'm afraid of needles and putting myself through pain just to have a cute picture permanently sketched on my skin freaks me out. I don't care for pain. That's why I don't have one. I can still dream.
I've been a diabetic since I've been 17 years old. It sucks!! When my Doctor's bitch me out for not checking my blood sugars more often I just want to tell them to shove the lancet up their asses. Poking your finger hurts like hell.
I still have my demons I'm dealing with for example I have body image issues contributed by my eating disorder and on my good days I feel sexy and on my off days I feel like a frumpy old women. When I feel like a new change it's usually my hair that gets mangled first.
Feeling like you have no energy to function is hard. Going through this time was hard and frustrating and so exhausting I really don't know how I managed. It amazes me how my family managed through the worst of my health problems and we may be a little off and dysfunctional but we're here and that's all that matters.
I'm a work in progress and I change everyday tweaking myself here and there. I try to stay positive and I'm trying to getting my dysfunction out of my life. I know it's part of who I am so maybe the correct thing to say is I'm working on my dysfunction so I don't let it run my life into the ground. One step at a time!! We all need a hero in our lives and mine is the world!!
This is who I am!! You like me or you don't. No love lost!! Thank you for stumbling upon my craziness!! Take care, Peace!!
September 2, 2010
Something New!!
Look at meThese are some of the lyrics to the Song Reflection sung by Christina Aguilera from the movie Milan. I feel like that so often wanting to show what's in my heart but feel like I have to hide who I am. I'm not afraid to tell the world anymore. I'm going to stand up and be proud to show the real me and maybe I'll need help expressing myself through one song at a time.
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you’ll never know me
Every day, is as if I play apart
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I can not fool
My heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I am now
In a world where I have to
Hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
What’s inside my heart
And be loved for who I am
I believe in being inspired by love, honor and just believing in yourself. I may not have the answers and I get discouraged but I know I have mended a broken heart, seen horrible things in my lifetime but I want to share all the good too. Life can be great and our world could be great. We just need to accept life!!
That's not the beginning of the endThis song from Enigma touches my heart. I cry each time I hear it. I feel empowered with a sense of belonging to the truth and just following your own way in the world. The message is so powerful and speaks from the heart. The return to innocence. I can never turn back time but I can only move forward. I want to return to innocence and to believe in my destiny.
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence
Love - Devotion
Feeling - Emotion
Love - Devotion
Feeling - Emotion
Don't be afraid to be weak
Don't be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence
If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny
Don't care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don't give up and use the chance
To return to innocence
That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence
Life is what you make of it. I want my life to be the best it can be. Take care, Peace!!
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