Along way home!!

Sometimes I think about death. It's not like I want to die but I do think about it and what would happen if I died...and did I do enough to set my kids up to be okay without me? What do I want my legacy to be for my children?

I have all kind of questions I think about and try to find answers to some of them. I just think if I'm doing enough in regards to my family. The answer is no, and maybe the answer will always be a no, I'm not doing enough.

I have so much I want to teach my children about life, compassion, love and respect for oneself and respect for others. I want them to grow up to be leaders of good moral standing. I guess most mothers have these similar goals for their children.

So right now, I'm not ready for death. I'm not ready to leave this earth yet. I have so much to learn and so much love to give to my children and I'm sure life would be fine without me. I'm just selfish if I died today someone else would fill my role as mother to my children. I'm sure my children would adjust to any situation but I want to be mother, I want to be the teacher and I want to comfort my children when their hearts get broken. I want to watch all their milestones of ups and downs, their achievements, and their mistakes. I want to know them throughout their life to watch them be who they are as people.

Then what do I do if I don't want to die today? I give my children all that I can give today and everyday. I show them compassion, teach them about love and just support them and then the rest is up to them. I will never be 100% ready to leave them so setting them up to be strong, loving people who want to give something of themselves to humanity for the better of humankind then I'll at least feel like I did my part as a mother.

I always want my kids to try their best...Just try, I tell them. You can't do anything if you don't at least, try!! If you can't do it on the first try then do it again, and again until you get it. Life is frustrating but I want my children to know if they wait for someone else to give them happiness they will be waiting along time. Happiness comes from within not by material things. Material things are nice but they are not everything. You are not defined by what you have (material wealth) but what you give from your own heart.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm not ready to die today or die tomorrow. I want to be selfish and be a spectator in my children's life journey to see them as they are today and what they will become tomorrow. I want to be apart of that. I want to be their mother, be there cheerleader, their shoulder to cry on and most of all I'm not ready to say goodbye yet.

Someday I will die but at least, I will know I did my best when I do. Take care, Peace!!