Searching for New Meaning!!

Finding a sense of peace within this world is harder than I thought. I've been wanting a new sense of peace within my life for a very long time and when I was a kid I just wanted to be loved. I don't know about you but I've always wanted to belong. I wanted to feel like I was accepted somewhere and not felt like I was the odd person out in left field all by myself alone and feeling rejected.

So I went searching and I found Jesus. Feeling like I've been bi-polar for the last year and a half has been a rough ride for me. Living within my brokenness and understanding who I am and accepting I can be forgiven, understand I am loved has been difficult to accept in a way I can't truly understand.

It's been a journey of self discovery. The saying God's not going to give you trials and tribulations you can't handle to me is cruel and unnecessary punishment. I would have to say I've had my share of trials in my life and I would have to say I couldn't handle any of them. I managed to survive and I've been knocked down many of times to where I could barely pick myself up off the ground to where I just want to give up because I hurt so bad. So if God is doing this to make me grow as a person because he has a plan for me then that's not love. I don't think bringing me to the brink of struggle to see where I crack is not love. That's the Devil's work.

God does have a plan for me and I have purpose but it's not bringing me down a peg, he's teaching me strength from the destruction in the world that I can love people within the chaos. I'm learning where I stand and who I am in the body of Christ and it's been a hard and difficult struggle so far. The strength within my being to keep me going forward and carrying me through has been a challenge. It's like seeing the greatest prize and to get to it you have to climb the tallest mountain in the bitter cold with no protective gear and hope you don't die before you get there.

I just need to find the confidence to stand up within my brokenness and not allow the darkness of the world to swallow me up. It's not easy but remembering the reason why God sent Jesus into the world gives me a better understanding that Life is so much bigger than me.  Take care, Peace!!