Me-Darlene
Williams ( To answer why?)
Between the ages
of 15-23 years I was in a physical and emotional abusive relationship.
The question
always comes up of why these girls just don’t run away, or leave their
unfortunate situations? I can say from my own experience similar to these
prostituted children is abusers have you where they want you.
For me, I got to
a point where my identity was so messed up I didn't know who I was anymore. I
was confused and I didn't know who really to trust because I had nowhere else
to go. My parents were alcoholics and
verbally abusive and my abuser knew that. He had me captive within another
cycle of abuse and out of fear of being abandoned I stayed and I believed his
threats of rejection if I tried to end the relationship.
I accepted the
mistreatment and I was also showered with gifts and it came with affection of
love and I called this our grace period or honeymoon faze and it came after he
felt remorse for using physical violence and after every beating or tear down
he bought me beautiful gifts. I got beautiful jewelry and clothing and things I
wanted. He would buy me flowers and take me places. I was his princess and he
was my forever. I wasn't supposed to quit on someone you love. My mother didn't leave my father the moment she learned he was abusing his children so why
should I leave because my boyfriend got angry at me?
He was my first love, he was the man I wanted
to spend the rest of my life with and I had plans for the future but then my
fantasy would break the moment he laid his hands on me. He promised me the world and I allowed him to
treat me that way. I can’t remember how many times I did leave him and try to
have a fresh start but out of fear and him promising me the world I would go
back because I didn't know who I was without him. He was such a big part of my
world I didn't know how to be alone.
When I finally
had the courage to leave I had nothing left to give and with all the infidelity
on both our parts the relationship just died. He killed everything within me to
fight him and the only way of survival I needed a fresh start in life on my own
terms. So I mustered up all the strength I had and I walked away knowing if I
failed in life it was because of me and not someone saying I failed.
Characteristics
of an Abuser!
I would like to
give you the characteristics of my abuser. He was 4 years older than me and he
was charming. He said the right things and he romanced me in the beginning
buying me things and wanting to spend all his time with me. He was nice to my
friends and he would buy us alcohol because we were underage and he wasn't He
was my ticket to freedom and he promised me he would take care of me and
protect me from my parents. I fell more in love with him when he would stand up
for me when my parents abused me.
After a month of
dating he wanted to take it to the next level. He wanted to show me how much he
truly loved me. So I agreed to give my virginity to him and after that our
relationship changed. He wasn't so nice any longer. He would cause fights
between me and my friends. When I didn't agree with his controlling behavior he
would threaten me by saying he would tell everyone we had sex and I would be
the school slut and he would ruin me.
He would become
down right verbally abusive and at times pressuring me into having sex with
him. Sometimes I look back and ask myself: Was it rape if I was a willing
participant even though I didn't want to have sex? I became a 16 year old girl
trapped in my own life of hell.
Opening
Statement! First Draft
Sometimes we do
things in our own survival that doesn't necessarily mean society will accept
it. 14 years ago in the summer of 1998 I was raped and due to the rape I got
pregnant and with a lot of thought chose to have an abortion. It was my last
stand of everlasting abuse in my own life and I was going to stop this
generational cycle of abuse within my own family. It would end with me.
I would in
whatever power I could muster up to fight my past and at times, I lost the
fight. I was broken and I was chasing a dream I so desperately wanted and it
was to feel like I belonged, to feel accepted and to know why my life went down
the way it did. I tried hard and after years of
self-destruction from an eating disorder, an image disorder, anxiety and OCD I
worked through my problems with years of therapy, having children and learning
to forgive myself of all the shame within my own life and I needed to learn to
forgive myself for all the wrong within my life.
18 months ago I
gave my life over to God in a prayer room in St. Vincent Medical Center because
I was dying from compilations I had from catching pneumonia and also having
lung surgery and if it was my time to go I was with peace with death.
Of course, I’m
still here and since then Jesus has been healing my heart and here I am today
talking with you because Jesus knew I could educate our community through the
experiences I have lived and he knew my fear of repercussion for sharing my
part of my life but today isn't about me but to educate you on how we can
become Community Advocates for the Domestic Minor Sex Trafficking Industry.
I understand why I went through some tough times cause I wouldn't be able to do what I'm about to do!! Take care, Peace....remember we all can make a difference!!
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