Goodbye 2008!

This will be short. I over did it today trying to find the leftover mint m&m's and now my back hurts. I think I need a nap. Oh well this past year was great over all. I had some medical issues that landed me in the ER but I'm not really counting those times. My son turned 1 and my daughter learned to write her name. It's all good! I hope 2009 is even better. 2008, it's be a blast! Wish everyone a great 2009. Take care, Peace!

Running with Scissors!

The second thing I like most to do besides listening to music is reading books. I love reading about people and their lives. I got really interested in stories about Holocaust Survivors and children who survived abuse of some kind. When I first started reading in this genre I think it was more for me to learn about how to live without all the pain from my past. If these persons could over come some traumatic event and their trauma coming out with a sense of understanding for life, I could too. My life drama was on the minimal scale to these stores of survival which to me made me feel better knowing I wasn't alone in my loneliness thinking I can overcome my pain and suffering.

Okay enough about me. I read a book called Running with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs. I would have to sum it up as a horrifying memoir of a boys life with a sense of being normal. This was a excellent book and it flowed from the beginning. I've read lots of books in my life and sometimes it takes a first chapter to get into the flow of the book and figuring out the way the author is writing. This book started out with good flow and it was easy to get into the story of the book which is a plus to me because I also hate having to read the first chapter twice once I figure out the flow. When I got into this book I couldn't wrap my head around this was a story of someones life. It was too crazy for me to think someone lived this life and it couldn't be a real life story. This kids life was crazy, chaotic and the people he was surrounded by were mentally unstable. The story was so brilliant and fascinating with a sense of normal. This kid was living this life in the sense this was normal to him. We as persons looking from the outside would think he was living some Bohemian life in a crazy world but to this kid it was his life and the author wrote it in a way this kid seemed ridiculously normal and his life wasn't the norm for children his age but the world he lived in was.

The book was about a child who parents divorced when he was 11. His mother was mentally troubled so she started seeing a psychologist for her problems and then one day she dropped her kid off at the Doctor's house. This family was a bunch of mixed matched group of characters in a rundown house described as falling apart and disgusting. The character I really enjoyed was the character Natalie. She was a 16 year old girl and when she was 13 her father give her to a has been 40 something Tennis Player and abused her. She came home with a large sum of money which her father kept for himself. When Augusten was 13 he came out he was gay and had a freakishly weird relationship with a 33 year old man who was the adopted son of the psychologist. There relationship lasted until one day the guy decided to vanish and was out of this kids life forever. Looking it from the outside I would say he was emotionally abused from his mother in her bizarre behaviour, his absent father, his new home of unique family members and his strange relationship with a man 20 years older. He never went to school, had the freedom any child would envy not having adults telling him what to think, say and do. He could live his life the way he wanted when he wanted. Like a bird flying free at the same time surrounded by strange and dysfunctional people. After reading the book I was very, I guess I would have to say disturbed. It bothered me to the point I couldn't believe a child lived this life and then at the same time in a world of crazy it felt like normal. It was an amazing book once you get over the shock of what the book was about and get over the fact this book had ridiculous amount of swearing in it.

Over all it's been one of the best books I read this year and that's says a lot because I've read a lot of books this past year and I found this book on the top of my list. This book isn't for everyone and the way I went into this book I had no clue on what the book was about. Knowing a head of time I most likely would have read it anyway. I guess with this book with amount of crazy and then troubled because this was someones childhood is enough to want to read the book. You learn to understand someones normal is another persons crazy. Thanks for sharing this story. Take care, Peace!!

Oh by the way, it was made into a movie. Go here. I think I'm going to have to check it out. A lot of big named actors are in it.

Cast: Annette Bening, Brian Cox, Joseph Fiennes, Evan Rachel Wood, Gwyneth Paltrow, Gabrielle Union, Alec Baldwin, and Joseph Cross playing Augusten Burroughs.

I think I'm more interested in what they do with the movie. The story is very deep so I hope they capture the story without showing too much.

Christmas Eve and all is Merry!

We made it to Christmas eve. The hubby fixed the lopsided Christmas tree. The house is clean and the Grandparents look like they will be able to come over tonight to celebrate with their grandchildren. We didn't know until today if they could come over or not with the weather and the snow. The hubby is outside shoveling the snow away and the children are down for there quiet times. I'm sitting and relaxing listening to the ringing in my ears. How fun for me! I guess I can turn on the music. Okay that's better. I tried my music player on facebook and it disappeared. I hate facebook sometimes especially when they changed it to this new format. Loved the old way better. Oh well, life changes sometimes even if you don't like it. This year has been good, sometimes challenging and we had so much blessings this year for our family. We made it another year and not so much wiser..lol!!! I love my family so much. We're a good crew and sometimes we all could take a break but at the end of the day we know what's important. I think my laptop keyboard just broke a piece. I don't know what's it's for but it's this little black thing. I think I should keep it and ask the hubby when he comes in. I love that he's a whiz at computers. All my computer needs I can go to him as my to go guy. Someone asked me the other day what my new year resolution will be for 2009 and I had to think about it. I don't know really. I don't diet because of the eating disorder and I could exercise more but at the moment exercising is put on hold because of the blood pressure problem so that's out of the question. I guess being more mindful and love my family more. Make my family first and get my health under control by putting pressure on all my Doctor's to figure out my health problems. I do everything they ask of me but they need to do more. I just want my family to do more giving of ourselves this year by volunteering of our time. We donate to charity but volunteering we need to start doing more. This will be a challenge because of the ages of my children but it doesn't hurt to start them out young to help people who need it. I'll have to research more on this. I would like to travel more this year if day trips are only the thing we can afford. Oregon is a beautiful State and I'll like to see more of it. I want my children to learn more about themselves and to find things that will interest them. Wow I'm on a roll and now I can think of a lot more things I want for 2009. I guess I just want my family to be the best we can be and to love ourselves more and to love others who need loving. That's what I want for 2009. Oh yeah, I want to stop smoking. I know it's bad. I've been trying to quit all 2008. I quit for awhile and then started up again. I think I quit 4 times this past year. So this is another resolution for 2009. Quit Smoking for good!!! I was just thinking about this Christmas season. I haven't been stressed out. I'm typically a mess around the holidays but this year was different and I think it's because I didn't do more than what I'm capable with all my health issues so I didn't over extended myself. I went simple and kept it a fun time. The boy finally relaxed to the Christmas decorations and he finally started liking Santa. Everything is all good. Enjoy this time with family!!! Take care, Peace!!!!

Merry Christmas!

The Curse of the Christmas Season!

I think everything is fine in our house for awhile...like the calm after the storm. Seeing how my family is snowed in today and getting out of our house is out of the question we as in my hubby and I thought it would be cool to pull out the PS3 Karaoke and do some good old fashion singing. The children love it and we get a kick out of doing some really bad singing. It's not like there is anything else to do other than watching children's shows over and over again until you don't have anymore brain cells left....anyway we were having fun and then the daughter disappeared. Nothing wrong with this because she doesn't have to sing if she doesn't want to and she went off and played on her own. The hubby and I were getting into the singing and the boy was joining in the best way a 1 year old can. In between songs I asked the daughter to come in the family room and join us and she said she was playing...okay I told her to have fun!!!!! Awhile later I saw something in her hand that looked like some candy....What? I asked her what it was and she was so excited she got candy for Christmas. You got candy for Christmas and from whom? So as I was walking into the Living Room/ Playroom I saw it... CHRISTMAS gifts unwrapped and opened. Okay, this was funny. Here I am trying to keep a straight face trying to explain why this was wrong but come on, it's not like other children have not done this before. I'm sure I've done this before. I'm surprised she lasted this long with presents under the tree for days and I thought it would be the boy first to get into the gifts. Don't count out the boy he is coming next. So after her telling me she only opened the gifts that had her name on them and she was right by the way, all the gifts she opened had her name on it. Neither I have a 3 year old genus or she was just lucky...hum... have to think which one to believe!!!!! I had to pull out the Mommy card and say it was wrong for opening gifts before Christmas.... it's hard being the mean Mommy at times....yikes and especially before Christmas too. The hubby took her to her room to think about what she did and when they came back she said she was sorry and asked if she could have the candy....lol. That was too funny! So it was calm again and then the boy had to let us know the Train going around our tree was not running. That's fine and told him we stopped running the train when no one was in the room so back to singing some more. Then we heard the boy making his little boy grunts because that's what he does ...grunt. He doesn't talk yet so the hubby went in to see what the problem was and then he SAW the tree.....I don't know what the boy did but our little fake tree was laying on it's side on the floor. Not only was it on it's side but the base to our tree got broken so now it's this pitiful looking lopsided tree. Some of the ornaments got broken but that's okay. Once the boy realized he was in the wrong with a candy cane in his tiny fist which to my the conclusion was the reason the tree was all in disarray preceded to have the facet of tears come strolling down his tiny face. He was so devastated like it was the end of the world as he knew it and all he wanted was a candy cane. Poor little boy!!! So calming this child down was like pulling your hair out so we had to let him cry it out. So now what?... WE can't go anywhere to get a new tree. My guess is I think it's going to be a Charlie Brown Christmas :) It could have been a lot worse!!! Chocolate, presents and then the tree... Is it the Christmas curse? What can go wrong or malfunction next? I guess I will have to wait see!! Take care, Peace!!!!

It's raining chocolate!

Every time this year I buy Chocolate. I know being a Diabetic Chocolate can be your worst best friends but I only splurge this time of the year plus, Valentine's Day, Easter and of course Halloween. This year I decided not to go hog wild and buy the whole store out of there collection of different Holiday Chocolates and went with Lindor Milk Chocolate Truffle's. I would have to say they were amazing. I savored the Chocolate ball as long as I could before it melted in my mouth. The hubby and I enjoyed some while we were watching Bad Boys 2 last night after the kids went to bed.

Today I am sad to say my small box of Chocolate Truffles are no more as in all gone. I should have known to hide them but as a mother I didn't think about it until it was way TOO LATE. I can tell my children are up to no good when the house gets quiet. It's a sound of trouble. I decided to take a break after playing Thomas the Tank Engine with the children and decided to check my email while the kids kept on playing. I didn't hear from them in awhile so I decided to see what they were doing in the other room. The daughter was stuffing something that looked like a red box in her play kitchen and asked her what she was doing at that same moment the son turned around with a chocolate goatee. I then proceeded to ask the daughter what they were doing and her hyper self gave me the lowdown.

Here is the low down what happened from a hyper child of 3. She was hungry and saw the red box on the counter so she took it. She wanted to use it for the tea party with the trains. She then opened the box and unwrapped the ball and ate it. She then gave her brother one because he asked for it (mind you our boy doesn't talk yet). She then preceded to tell me she was going to throw the box out but couldn't because the garbage can was under the sink (which is baby locked for good reason) so she put the box in her kitchen for safe keeping and put the wrappers in there too so her brother wouldn't get to them. Good explanation and I asked her why she didn't ask me to get her something to eat because in our house the children don't go and get food themselves and have to ask me or an adult first. Her answer: the box was pretty! yikes!!!

My first thought was to just punish them but how can you really punish children who are strung out on Chocolate? You can't! They ate the rest of the Chocolate which to 30lbs children was a lot of Chocolate. Yes, my 1 and 3 year old are around the same weight..scary I know. The oldest is tall and skinny, the youngest..well he's just big and solid.

I was actually pleased the daughter decided to share with her little brother with the chocolates and she actually listened after I always harp at her to share with her little bro. It's not something I really wanted her to share with her brother with but it's a start. I'm trying to be positive here seeing how my wonderful Chocolate got hijacked by my children and trying to see some good in this child thieving chocolate stealer's incident. I think I was more disappointed my Chocolate is all gone then the children getting into them. I hope they enjoyed them as much as I did. So Sad!!!

Seeing a light side of my disappearing chocolate .....Children and Chocolate are a very different situation. At least my children are happy when they are strung out on chocolate. I like those kind of kids. It was a hoot and now I should have taken a small video of them running around like they had no control but to laugh at every thing. I think my daughter kidnapped my chocolate because she knows it's mine. I am a fickle of sharing my food of any kind and I know how my daughter thinks because I done the same as a child eating the sweets in hiding knowing I will get caught but who cares they were good in the moment.

So be Merry and have a good Holiday Season even when you have chocolate thieves in your house!! Take care, Peace!

One Moment in Time!

I want one moment in time

When I'm more than I thought I could be

When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away

And the answers are all up to me

Give me one moment in time

When I'm racing with destiny

Then in that one moment of time

I will feel

I will feel eternity

I love these lyrics from a song Whitney Houston sings. It's so true. I love music and how I can lose myself into listening to the words music expresses. I can relate to words like this Whitney Houston song. I've done and experienced things in my life where I just wanted one moment in time to prove my destiny. I didn't know at the time it was all up to me to decide the way I want my life to go. My direction in my life is in my control. However I decide is the way it's going to go. I didn't get it back as a child. I didn't know the way my life would be was my destiny. I'm blessed and proud I got it. I got the message for my eternity. I feel like I'm a Hallmark Card but it's a choice I made along time ago. I don't want to live my life in chaos so guess what? I don't. I work hard to keep my life going down the path I've chosen. It can be easy sometimes falling back into a life I was raised in. It takes a lot of will power to fight some of those behaviours in time seemed like the easy way out but in reality was so much harder to deal with. I'm not an alcohol drinker anymore because when I did drink it was to get drunk. I made horrible decisions which hurt my inner soul to the point I loathed myself which I would hurt myself in other ways because in my heart I wasn't worth being loved from the things I did while I was drunk. I don't do this anymore because it's not a life I want for me or for my family. It's a hard life feeling like less than who you really are.

I've lived to be

The very best

I want it all

No time for less

I've laid the plans

Now lay the chance

Here in my hands

It's never to late to change your destiny if something isn't working in your life. Life is so much brighter knowing you and in YOU are making something of yourself. I can be very judgemental about myself at times thinking I'm not doing enough but stopping and just listening to what my heart has to say reminds me life is supposed to be simple. It's not supposed to be hard where you feel like you can't breath all the time. It took me years to turn my life around. I had to get slapped in the face a lot to finely get it. I could say I wasn't much of a religious person growing up and it's more of a newer thing in the last couple of years but I did believe in faith. I believed I was worth more than I believed in my heart. A lot of good people saw it in me when I didn't and I kept trying to get it. I wanted to believe so bad my life could be better. I made a plan, life goals if you want to look at it like that, and made along list of things I wanted to see for my future.

My List at 14:

Graduate High School so I can get out of dodge

To find hope

Wanting some peace

A better life

My sisters back living with me

I got everything on this list and it took me moving out of the house to get the last goal. These goals were small but then again I was only 14 years old. I graduated High School in 1993 but went back to High School again and got some courses in Business and then left with an award Honor's of Distinction for my hard work.

My List at 23:

Find a man who will treat me well

Get a good job

Go back to school

Get married

Buy a house

Have children

I actually got all those plus so much more. I'm happily married with two children and we live in a nice house. I went back to University in 1998 but didn't finish and I look back with no regrets not finishing school. I had a good job before I moved to the USA which I loved. I'm a SAHM(stay at home mother) and I love it. I complain at times but I wouldn't change a thing. My children are apart of my life and at times they can drive me up the wall but they are teaching me to have more patience and not everything has to be done just right. I'm hoping I'm teaching them to be the best they can be and have fun while they are living there life. It's hard to see the good in life in times of struggles but if you don't learn in those times of struggles you will never know what you want. Learn from people and listen to what they have to say because maybe you will see life in a whole different way from your own. It's never to late to change what's not working right in your life. Believe in yourself because if I can anyone can!! Take care, Peace!!!

Snow has got to go!

I used to be a great lover of snow seeing how I loved to downhill ski. As a kid I would count down until I could hit the slopes and go skiing. My love hate relationship with snow started when I became a young adult with a job and had to stand in a 4 foot snow bank at 6:30am waiting for the public transportation to get me to work. I hated stepping into slushy snow and being cold even when I was all bundled up. I do love a cup of Hot Chocolate so coming home from a hard day of work and having the first of many cups of Hot Chocolate and then looking out the window to a beautiful view of newly powered snow was nice to look at. Snow when it's a inconvenience sucks but when you are warm with a cup of coco also by a nice fire even better. As I got older my relationship with snow started turning to a dislike and the Hot Chocolate wasn't turning my mind how wonderful the winter is. I started looking at snow as some bothersome hindrance in my life so when I took the big plunge to move from Canada to the USA in an area which only sees snow in the Mountains I was like finely no snow unless I wanted to go to it. Well right now we have snow and as I'm writing this it's snowing outside. Global Warming my ass! Our winters are about rain and lots of rain but snow...come on!!!! I thought I escaped the snow and I thought I moved away from the snow. Sure it's nice and beautiful all this white flaky snow coming down but it's a week left for Christmas and I haven't finished everything yet. I have to get out and finish all that's left of my Christmas Shopping. I have a life and this cold snow is not what I asked for. Now I'm stuck in the house because I don't have the heart to go out in this cold getting flash backs from my horrendous experience standing in the freezing cold waiting for a bus in my early 20's. Then again I get anxiety when things are not done so I'll have to bundle up and get out there suffering the cold and get things done. I'm not looking forward to it and now with children my love for snow will come back...who knows really! I may come back next week raving what a beautiful white Christmas we had... things always change and so does peoples views on such matters. So hating snow to the love of snow.... I guess I'll wait and see. Take care, Peace!!

Preschool! and Please Donate..not to me but to St. Jude Children Research Hospital!

Well I think we decided where our oldest will be going to preschool in the fall 2009. I think it's crazy how we have to decide like in January like it's University or something. Tear! I can't believe my daughter is going to school in the fall. I remember when she was born and it doesn't seem that long ago. She's growing up so fast and oh my, I'm getting a little emotional...okay not really but it's exciting. The hubby and I found a preschool which is also a Dance Academy and I think our daughter will love it. She's into wanting to be a ballerina at the moment and she's even asking for point shoes....ha ha. I don't think so little girl!!!! It's hard telling a 31/2 year old about being a ballet dancer and it's like stabbing yourself with a fork over and over again because she doesn't care about having to train with lessons for years before she even can get into point shoes let alone care about talking to me about the ins and outs of lessons and practice. One of these days maybe she will listen to me. sigh!!!! So when January rolls around we will register her for this amazing school. I was actually surprised how much the school costs and is one of the reasons we choose it. It's in the higher range as far as preschools are concerned in our area but it's like a 2 in 1. She learns through excellence in education, dance and gymnastics. Everything we hoped for and more, plus the Gymnastic classes are USA gymnastics certified. Here So when you look at it like that it's actually cheaper. Dance classes are not cheap and neither is preschool. I could complain about preschool but I'm not going too. It's my birthday tomorrow and it's so close to Christmas. I don't want to ruin my Karma I have going on :) Jon and Kate plus 8 is having there Holiday special visiting St. Jude Children Research Hospital Here on Monday, December 15, 2008. It's a great cause and if you don't watch the show so who cares it's a nice cause so visit there site and maybe while you are there maybe you could donate to this wonderful charity to help: Finding Cures. Saving Children. A little goes along way. Take care, Peace! Goodnight!!!!

Embarassing moments in life!

Okay, I tend to do things in my life neither turns my face red or embarrass myself just out of being clumsy and just out right a dumbass. I try to brush it off as nothing because it's so embarrassing in the end I have to laugh at myself. I try to not take anything serious because most of the time I tend to see things in a fun light. I will write some of my embarrassing moments and most of them are truly funny. I will jump from past to present and all in between. The first embarrassing moment was when my BFF and I went on our trip to California. We saved our money so we could have a great time but this trip also had many of embarrassing moments. The hotel we stayed at had a restaurant and had some good looking guys working there and this one day I was drinking a glass of water and the ice in the glass splashed the water all over my 19 year old pretending to be all that and a cute waiter coming over asking me if I wanted more water when half of the glass of water was on my face. Can you say go hide under a rock. How cool is this situation? Not so smooth and more like awkward. The next time was coming back on the airplane from San Francisco to Toronto. We took the red eye flight out so everyone was quiet and my BFF wanted something to drink so I was going to go up and get her a drink but when I was about to get up I burped and sneezed at the same time so it was loud and not only that a mother with her baby just managed to get her baby to sleep and I made the baby cry. Lets just say I didn't get up and I tried to hide in my small airplane seat. How crazy is that making a baby cry? I felt so bad and it's not like I could go anywhere because I was on an airplane. My hubby and I got into a Habit every time we saw a Police Car we would go "oh there's the Po Po","Five oh, Five Oh". I know it's lame and it wasn't to disrespect the Police or anything but more like goofing around in the car. Lets just say we don't do it anymore. When my daughter was 15 months old we always took a daily walk to our neighbourhood grocery store and the local Police Officers would hang out at Baha Fresh for lunch and this one day my daughter who was 15 months remember decided to yell out "momma, look the Po Po", of course, they all turned around and looked at us. I almost died of embarrassment. I came back and said, yes Police Officers and got the hell out of there. We don't do the goofing in the car anymore or say anything like that anymore. Man, children are definitely like sponges. It just amazes me how she put Po Po with Police Officer because we never actually pointed out a Police Officer and said there's the Po Po. We definitely learned our red faced lesson on this one. I didn't realize how long with children distractions this entry would take so long so this is my last embarrassing moment. I may even do a entry or two on all embarrassing moments because I have plenty to write a thick book about on them. I can't remember how old I was at the time. I think it's more like I want to forget my age because at the time I just wanted to hide in the mud I was laying in. (no pun intended) :) A friend of mine owned a horse and this particular day the guys summer soccer team were practicing at the High School field and we as in my friends were hanging out watching them play and for some reason I asked if I could ride the horse. I rode a pony before and in my head thinking what an expert I am in my life growing up on a farm as a little wee one. Okay I was 5 years old when I last rode on a pony. I just said a pony. I thought in my pee brain I knew what I was doing taking a ride on a Horse!! She said yes, so the next thing I remember the horse took off down to the Elementary School Field. I tried to stop it and then in a panic I was screaming for the horse to stop and then it did but I didn't stay up on the said horse but FLEW over the head of the horse and landed in a thick layer of mud with the whole guys soccer team watching me. This scene would have been perfect on "America's Funniest Home Videos" or "You Tube". At least, I remembered to stay still so the scared Horse wouldn't trample me. The one thing is it was during the summer and I could have hid in my room all summer but unfortunate for me I was a soccer player and had to hear about it for weeks from all the guys. Now, it's funny but not so much back then! Whatever embarrassing moments you have in your life, it's easier to just have a good laugh even when it involves you. Take care, Peace! Edit: I remembered this last embarrassing moment and it is pretty funny. I used to be involved in lots of different sports as a kid, from swimming, basketball, soccer, and of course downhill skiing. Between soccer and downhill I would say they were my favorite sports. This one time our 7th grade class decided to go downhill skiing for a school trip or was it the 9th grade. I can't remember but I thought I was good, okay I was good but this particular day I wanted to show off. My friends and I would have races to see who could get down to the bottom of the hill first and this one day I hit an ice patch and my left ski fell off and I tumbled a good distance down the hill. AS I looked up half of the chair lift was watching me do some Olympic tumble down the hill. I'm sure it looked like a horrendous fall because I most likely looked like a pathetic rag doll doing gymnastics down the hill and when I stopped I was fine but it was pretty embarrassing when I was bragging how a great skier I was before the trip. I got teased for this one but at least, I didn't sprain my ankle in my ski boot like a friend of mine did. Neither her boot was too big or she didn't tighten her boot properly. Making an ass out of myself is my speciality!

It looks like a lot like Christmas!

Like the picture..this is our Christmas tree this year.. :) lol

Finished with the 24hr blood pressure test. Tomorrow I'll drop it off and then in a few days later I will get the results back. Our plans have changed for this weekend. This was supposed to be MY Christmas shopping weekend to get gifts for Toys for Tots, the children picking out gifts for each other and everything else on my shopping list. I wanted to do it all and be done with and now Friday evening will be my only shopping day because apparently it's supposed to snow this weekend and for an area with drivers who get mental anxiety with snow I think it would be smart to stay off the roads so we're not going anywhere Saturday and Sunday. I don't mind only having Friday because Fridays my day and I don't know what will happen when Stargate Atlantis is over in January but I still love Fridays. Nothing can stop me from having a good Friday and if it stinks I still know Stargate Atlantis is on in the night and anytime I get a Joe Flanigan fix ALways puts a smile on my face. Man, that guy is hot! I just hope I can get everything done in one night. Cross my fingers... it's in the planning and I can handle a good challenge. I can do this :)

I feel like I have so much to do so I made a list because that's what I do make lists of things to do but when I was done doing my list I realized I don't have all that much to do but when you don't have a lot of energy the small amount of things to do on my list feels like along page worth of things to do. It takes me days just to do something that I used to be able to do in just one.

I had my bible study today and my daughter loves our friend who comes over. She gets so excited about it and it's special for her because she doesn't go down for her quiet time until after 4pm. After I was done I decided to go around like a mad women and tidy the house. Everything is in a place and the kitchen is clean. I'm sitting here watching some TV, writing this entry and now I'm thinking how long will the clean house last. I bet maybe 15 minutes after the children wake up. It's nice however it lasts. AT least, I know it was done!

So I don't like talking about my Birthday but my daughter is excited my birthday is on Monday and she even has a countdown calendar. It's so cute but I think it's because we're having cupcakes to celebrate and my birthday lands on our Date Night. The daughter and I every week have a date night together where we just do something special together just the two of us. It's nice and I know it makes the daughter feel special and we started doing this Date Night once the son was born. Sometimes life is busy and things can be crazy but stopping for these moments and doing the little things makes it even more special. We will keep having Date Night until the time "tear" when the daughter doesn't want to do it anymore. So, yeah my birthday is coming!

24hr blood pressure!

I got the call on Friday for my appointment to do my 24hr blood pressure test so Today of my amazement having an appointment so soon I went and got hooked up today. I think the machine isn't working so in the morning I will call and find out what I need to do like take the long drive across town and go back in for a new one or if I'm okay. I kind of figured this test would be simple like any in office blood pressure machine going off every 15 minutes. My daughter thinks I'm broken and thinks it's weird I have to wear this cuff on my arm. Every time I do anything Doctor related I have a lot of guilt for my daughter. Half of her life I've been sick and I know she's smart but she understands her mother is sick and most of the time I know it's not in my control but she's 3. Our children don't go to the Doctor's office as much anymore if we can get the hubby's mother to come over to babysit. So she's not exposed to the many of Doctor appointments as much as she used to but she's full aware where I'm going. I would lie to her but that's not helping her in the long run and my pregnancy nurse advised us when I was pregnant with the son to just be up front and give a basic explanation what's going on and don't make it sound like a big deal. So doing this I hope it's not affecting her like I think in my guilty head sometimes. I'm hoping this is causing the severe fatigue, dizziness, fainting spells and the headaches. I learned from Thursdays neurology appointment this is something different from the diabetes and anemia. Fixing this new medical problem should help and I'm slowing understanding the Anemia will be something I will have to live with for along time. I'm taking the procrit once a week and this drug keeps my cbc readings in the range the hematologist likes so the anemia is stable for now. I just don't like the uncertainty with all these medical problems but so far tests have come back normal. I am blessed I don't have any form of cancer. Life is good. I'll write about more stuff later. Dinner is ready! Take care, Peace!

I'm feeling the Holiday spirit!

It's been a busy few days in our household. I'm tired so this entry will be short. I have no more energy and I'm sitting here in a quiet house watching some kid show on the Disney channel because I'm just to lazy to change the channel. The hubby and daughter went to the train store because our Hogwarts Express Train we have going around our tree is acting weird so he wants it to be looked at. Our son is down for his nap up in his room. All morning our son was freaking out about all the decorations and he is indifferent about all the Christmas cheer. Our Santa who reads "Tis the night before Christmas" wasn't much of a hit with our son and last night our daughter wanted to hear the story and he freaked out and we had to turn the story off. I have a feeling our son will have anxiety through out the whole holiday season. He doesn't like much of anything related to Christmas. Our daughter on the other hand loves every part of it from putting the tree together, setting up all the decorations and listening to Christmas music. She wrote her Christmas letter to Santa on Friday and mailed it off. I'm so proud of her for signing her own name on her letter. She's been practicing for months for this very moment and she did great spelling her own name and printing it. Makes a mother proud. Have a great time with life and chat with you'll later. Take care, Peace!

The Doctor came the knocking!

Well my Neurology appointment is done and over. After an hour of answering 101 questions I went through some small and painless simple tests like touch my nose with my eyes closed and walk in a straight line etc ..like how Police Officers make you do various tests after pulling you over for drunk driving and it's not like I was pulled over for drinking and driving for knowing these tests....seriously I saw it happen on lots of cop shows. DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE! This is my contribution.

Okay so after the questions and answers part and my silly tests were done the Doctor informs me my symptoms are not due to my brain. Yeah, I have a healthy brain but my hubby thinks that's the Doc's interpretation :) Okay the Doctor does think I have a condition called Orthostatic Hypotension. What is that you may ask? Orthostasis means upright posture, and hypotension means low blood pressure. Thus, orthostatic hypotension consists of symptoms of dizziness, faintness or lightheadedness which appear only on standing, and which are caused by low blood pressure. Only rarely is spinning vertigo caused by orthostasis. What causes this you maybe thinking? The heart pumps blood, and if there is too little blood volume (anemia, dehydration, dialysis), the pressure drops. The blood vessels in the body also can squeeze (constrict) to raise blood pressure, and if this action is paralyzed, blood pressure may fall. How fun for me but I have to get tested for it first and what they do is hook me up to a blood pressure monitor for 24 hr and see if it fluctuates drastically. yikes! And at least it is treatable with medications and it's not like I don't already take a zillion pills already so taking more isn't a big deal. It's just a vicious cycle how Anemia is a serious disease to have. I don't really understand any of this Doctor mumbo jumbo but if it means fixing my broken body then I'm all for anything at this point. Finally, it's been along day with hope! Take care,Peace!

I'm lazy not busy!

Tomorrow is my appointment and I should be excited but who really likes going to the Doctor's because I don't. It's a pain in my ass and each time I go it's the same deal over and over again but I am hoping I get answers this time around. Life seems busy lately but I could use this excuse but I'm just plain lazy and I know I'm slowing down on my entries but my excuse is I'm lazy and don't feel like it and second my laptop keyboard is acting up and keys are sticking so it's hard to type things out. Oh well, the hubby comes back tonight and he'll fix my computer. He's in the computer business so it's his speciality but then again he gets back really late tonight and maybe in the New Year my computer may get fixed...lol. Christmas is coming closer and I'm getting excited just like a little kid waiting for Santa to come. I haven't done any shopping yet but I still have time. Well I'm getting tired so the next time I will bitch and complain about what happened at my appointment. Hopefully Friday because Friday is my day and I'll be of great spirit knowing Stargate Atlantis will be on. So listen to Christmas music, relax, stop stressing and have a great day!! Take care, Peace!!!