My happy Home!!

You get to a point in your family where the little ones can start pulling their weight by cleaning up after themselves. It's great for me and less stressful for my anxiety. I like my house to be at least tidy and if I can get to cleaning the toilets once a week even better. I'm liking my kids can be by themselves without destroying the house when I need to be upstairs doing my stuff and them downstairs playing and not have to worry. Yes, I worry too much of their safety and I'm getting better now they are getting older. I had a hard time being in their playroom because it was just to messy for me. I couldn't handle the crazy. It's fun being in their now when toys aren't scattered all over the floor. I'm very proud they have picked up after themselves and it helps me out. Now it will be a challenge getting the daughter to keep her room clean. I just don't go in there unless she at least picked up her toys off the floor. She takes after her father on chaotic mess. The son on the other hand won't sleep unless his room is clean. So wonderful I have one kid who likes structure and things clean. I'll be taking some new vitamins in a weeks time. When I get them hopefully they will help with some of my medical problems in turn should give me more energy to do more things around the house that I want to do. I'm so excited about this. I'll write more about it in a few weeks. Cross my fingers. Talk about happy home: it's quiet and peaceful at the moment. This is the life!! Take care, Peace!!

Life's challenges!!

Great, I woke up to an email this morning and wow, talk about slap in the face. I'm hurt, angry and a little indifferent. I understand people have stress, divorces, separations in there lives. It's major adjustments for families to figure out let alone deal with family members, relationships, who to allow in your life and who to just say goodbye too. Of course, making those decisions you want what's best for you but sometimes you're hurting people in the process who don't need to be hurt. So I get this email and my first thought was to write back but then I didn't want to write back when I was hurting because I just can't control my mouth and I would have said stuff I just should keep to myself. Then I became angry to fuck you!! So in a few weeks there is a birthday party for a cousin and right now I'm conflicted if I want to go. She didn't do anything wrong it's her mothers. It doesn't make sense and maybe it's not supposed to make sense but why do I want to hang out with these people after that? I really don't. I just want to cut my ties and move on. Who needs this drama? and it's not like we see them on a regular basis. Then I realize it's family. I married into this family and I should be supportive. Kids are innocent and just because an adult person wants to be selfish and drag drama into the mix it's not fair to the kids. They are cousins and my kids should go to the party to celebrate a birthday. It's going to be so uncomfortable!! Take care, Peace!!

Writers Block!!

I've been wanting to write for awhile now but I can't figure out what to write about. Then I thought I would write about Anxiety. You write what you know so it would be a good topic but then I didn't know what to say on this topic but "I have some of that!!" So while I was doing laundry yesterday I was trying to dig up idea's and nothing. Nothing so I just figured I would just talk about this and just go with it. It's not like I don't have anything on my mind because most of the time I live in my head but really do I want to write about that? Not really. I have been thinking of ending this blog for awhile but I just don't know. Decisions I'll be making in the next few weeks. I don't know. It's not like writing takes a lot of effort or time because I can make time but when you have writers block it's just hard figuring out what to talk about. Maybe I'm just lost right now and the inspiration isn't flowing right now. Who knows, but what can I do when I have nothing? NOTHING!!! Take care, Peace!!!

My kids are growing up so fast!!

So I'm sitting here listening to some music, my hubby is playing some game called blood bowl and I'm just emotional over my kids. They are cute as pie and growing up way to fast. My son grew from my baby to a little boy all from a haircut. Seriously, over a haircut. He had shaggy hair and I cut it off and now he looks like a little boy then my baby. He'll be 3 at the end of April and I was talking with a friend of mine last Friday and she met my son when he was 9 months old and we couldn't believe how much he has grown since then. She witnessed when he started standing up, to crawling, to walking and now a little bit of talking. He's so trying with the talking but he's not quite there yet. His speech therapist is doing wonders with him and one of these days he will get where he needs to be. I work with him everyday doing his exercises. My daughter is going to be 5 soon. I can't believe I'll be a mother to a 5 year old. She already thinks she's smarter than me. Ha Ha!! Being a parent is the hardest job I have ever taken on. I actually didn't think it would be so hard. I feel like a drill Sergeant(sp is this right, who knows) at times or a broken record. I think I'm the paranoid parent because of the things I did as a kid. Oh man, wish I could put my kids in a bubble to keep them safe from this crazy world we live in. I have two great kids even when they drive me up the wall. I'm so blessed they are mine. Take care, peace!!!

New day less worry!!

I'm not in shock as I was yesterday after leaving the Dentist office. It was a huge shock but I'm not worried about the money anymore. My tooth will get fixed and all will be good. So my family won't have this huge trip like I planned but that's life. We'll still do a vacation but it will be downsized and that's better than not one at all. So for this Friday I have a funny story to tell about my son the vampire boy. Poor kid lives in the Pacific Northwest and practically most of fall and most of the winter we don't get a lot of sun. So last week we needed to go somewhere and it was actually a nice sunny day than the cloudy rain we've been experiencing. After putting the kids in the car I looked back and was wondering what the son was doing with his Elmo. He had Elmo up in this face and he said, Sun Hot!! So I asked him Sun is hot? and he replied with momma, sun hot!! So we call him our little vampire boy because he doesn't like being in the bright sunlight. Maybe he was meant to grow up here. He likes it cloudy and that's fine with him. I guess he's like my inner soul wants structure and peace. He's so much different than his sister. She's a wild child so independent, could care less if she lived in a messy house but he likes things in it's place and clean. Raising polar opposites is a challenge but they both bring to life a lot of joy no matter what they do. Love them to pieces. So this weekend I'm dropping more stuff off to the Goodwill. I'm getting the stuff out of my house. I'm starting with the inside of the house first and then tackling the garage. I don't want to think about doing the garage right now or I will overwhelm myself to the point 10 years from now it will still be the same. I'm going small and hopefully by the end of this year I will have this house in order. I can't believe I still have boxes I didn't unpack when we moved into this house 2.5 years ago. I guess I'm not missing it Bob!!! So I finally got my book shelf and now my books don't have to be piled up by my bed anymore. I can get them off the floor and onto my new bookshelf. I finally bought one over the holiday's because I was trying to find the right one. I just didn't want to buy any bookshelf. The process took me almost a year and the family was at Target one night and I saw it and it was on sale(bonus) so the hubby had to go on his own so he could get that sucker in the car. I just love it and it fits so well with the funiture I already have in there. I'm so excited to get it in our master bedroom. The question is now I need to search in the garage for the rest of my books. Somewhere I have 4 boxes of books in there that I need to find. I love books and I'm proud of the collection of books I have bought over the years my hubby and I have been together. Now I'm thinking I may not have enough space on my bookshelf for all of them. Makes me want to go shopping for more books so I have another excuse to buy another bookshelf!!! Reading is good!! Take care, Peace!!!

The Dentist is not my friend!!

I went for a cleaning this morning and everything seemed good. I was like wow, my new power toothbrush is doing it's work until she got to my lower left back tooth and holy hell I felt like she stabbed me in the gums with that pick thing. I thought I was going to faint and I'm glad I was sitting down because all I could smell was blood and my head felt it was going to explode. Whatever she did hurt like hell and lucky I'm a nice person because if I wasn't I would of grabbed that pick and stabbed her with it. So the reason it hurt like hell because I have a broken filling and a cavity which was hidden by the gum line. So my Dentist came over to look it over and said some Dentist mumbo jumbo I had no clue on what he was talking about but all I got was it needed to be fixed as soon as possible or it would cost me more to fix it if I wait longer so I was okay get to it. Well I got the estimate to fix this tooth and here I was already lightheaded, my mouth hurt and I had this major headache and I was told how much this one tooth was going to cost me. $446.00!!!! For the love of all things holy. Like I can afford to get that tooth fixed. Do they think I'm made of money? That's two months of my daughters pre-school tuition. That's around a month of my families grocery bill. That's a hell of a lot of money. So we're looking at our finances tonight and we're going to figure out where to get the money. I've been saving my money for a family trip this year. I had plans but what can I do? The tooth needs to get fixed and I could pull it and it would cost much cheaper but I can't be pulling out my teeth because I can't afford to get them fixed. I'm in shock! I feel so sick over a tooth. Maybe I should put my feet up and breath. Good lord, it's crazy how much the Dentist costs. Is it okay to cry over a tooth? Take care, Peace!!!

Life is kind of Normal!!!

This year has started out without drama and it's like wow, my life is kind of boring..ha ha!! I'm kind of liking the boring really. Drama is just way to much emotional push and pull of the mental ability which I'm glad I don't have much of that lately. Marriage is going strong, the kids could have one less meltdown but really I'm starting to think of what to write about. Life is good, normal for a change and now what? It's not like I'm going to write how crazy in love I'm with the hubby. I'm sure their is some romance novel somewhere about our relationship. Okay, enough of the mushy stuff. Oh, I do have a complaint:I'm tired of cleaning up after everyone. Okay, that could be some drama but I signed up for this so how much can I complain? My health is in limbo right now, not bad but also not good. It's just what it is!! Well, this is a boring post like my normal boring life..ha ha!! Take care, Peace!!!

Going back to simple!!

I swear I like giving myself challenges which are bigger than I can handle but this year I'm going to start fresh and simplfy my life and just have what I need. I love shopping don't get me wrong but I don't need as much as I've been buying. The house is only so big and everywhere I turn it's just seems cluttered with stuff. Stuff is everywhere and most of the stuff other than than the kitchenware I wonder if I really need it.

Sliding into 2010!!!

I survived 2009 and looking back I could have done better so this year I will make more of an effort to be more understanding of a 4 year old and cherishing my time with my 2 year old who isn't old enough to talk back to me yet. I want to be a better wife and find the strength to live then struggling to just survive. That's what I want for 2010. I want to do better!! So goodbye to 2009 and hello 2010. So I haven't written in awhile and that's one of my goals this year to write more on this blog then 4 or 5 entries a month. I can do it!! So my daughter had the best Christmas idea for her father and with some planning it was on it's way until we hit a road block and that was the end of the perfect gift. So my daughter sat me down one day a few weeks before Christmas and told me what she wanted to give her father for Christmas. A picture of herself skating for his office at work. How proud of her I thought and she thought hard on this gift so the plan to pull this thing off was a tricky one at best. I haven't skated since high school and where to go to rent skates and where to go skating was a challenge at best but I found a place in a mall mind you so we picked a day, went shopping for the perfect outfit and went beyond and decided to take the local train there but once we got into the car on our way to the train station we realized how hard that would be doing it in the rain so we decided to just drive downtown Portland go skating and be home for my weekly phone date with my best friend. Well we got to the mall and it was busy with Christmas shoppers and when I went on the website the night before it didn't say they were having a Christmas Skate show going on so with two cranky kids we went and got lunch first. I think at this point I didn't think we would make it skating. The daughter was melting and the boy just wanted to lick everything in sight. It was just a crazy stressful situation and I really wanted to pull this thing off so after the thousand threat to go straight home we managed to get our skates on and off on the ice we went. I was surprised the boy really enjoyed himself but the moment we got on the ice we were told to get off so they could clean the ice. Holy, the daughter just took a one eighty and thought we were punishing her and by this time their was no patience in anyone of us so we just went home with no picture. We didn't get the chance for one picture and I know my daughter was crushed. I was a little crushed for her especially when she told me she didn't have any more idea's up in there. That was a bust but we all moved on and all was forgotten. So a few days before Christmas I got sick. I wasn't feeling so right like something was off and I decided to go see a Doctor because it was so close to Christmas I was afraid I would land myself in the ER on Christmas. I didn't want to disappoint the family by spending Christmas in the Hospital. So we went to Urgent Care but thanks to my HMO they don't service Urgent care anymore during the weekdays only at night and weekends. I had the option to go to emergency. I wasn't going to fork over $75 for a visit at the ER so I waited with my uncomfortable self until the evening. I went and found out I had a really bad sinus infection with inflammation in my ears, nose and throat. Yeah and I got some good drugs to clear it all up. Love the good drugs. So Christmas was actually a good time and we had a really good Christmas. My daughter found another great gift for her Dad and all was happy in her world. So for the last couple of days I've been trying to put the Christmas decorations away. Everything is off the walls and on my kitchen Island right now. Someday I will get the boxes out and actually pack the stuff up when I need my kitchen Island again. I'm trying really!!! Well for the last 2 years I've been doing bible study with a young gal who I consider a good friend now. We get together every week and talk more than bible study. She's a kind soul and my children just adore her to pieces. I wasn't much about faith like in Jesus before. I had some form of faith growing up but I never felt I needed anything more than just believing in GOD. So when she showed up on my door step wanting to know if I wanted to know more about bible teachings I said why not? So in the beginning I didn't care she was a Jehovah Witness and we started making plans for her to come over each week and I became more interested in the knowledge of the bible. A few months later after her first visit I was in the bookstore ready to buy my first bible. I was so overwhelmed of how many bibles are out there and the variety of bibles kind of scared me and there I was looking at the mass section of bibles to choose from so I decided to go on faith no pun intended here and I choose a bible I knew was my bible. I was so proud of myself. I enjoy reading it and at first I thought it would be all hard to read and old school teachings but what I have gotten out of my study and my interest in the bible I have come to realize I'll be okay. I have realized I just need to be the best person I can be and yes, I'm imperfect and I will make mistakes in life but learning to forgive, ask for forgiveness I will be just fine. So it's been two years now and in those two years our friendship has grown. She's a really good friend and we just don't chat about the bible. I realized it doesn't matter if my friend is a Jehovah Witness because she came into my life to share on my life's journey at first it was to study with me about the bible to becoming a really good friend. I enjoy her friendship. In the process I'm slowly learning about my faith in Jesus Christ and I'm having a better relationship with God. My friend is a blessing in a time in my life where I truly am ready to embrace God. So I'm sliding into 2010 with a new start and a new beginning. I hope you stick around on this journey I call my life. Thank you!!!Take care, Peace!!!