I am so sleep deprived because last night every time I fell asleep my mind went places so I was up most of the night. I think over all I had about 2 hours of horrible sleep plus the kids are home from school today because of some teacher conference. So I'm not a coffee drinker but I"m serious of brewing me up several pots of it to keep the caffeine going.
The kids are up playing in there rooms so I have some time to reflect, pray and try not to fall apart like I kept doing yesterday but my heart is sad, it's breaking and I can't reach out and it's really bothering me. I just want to head over to my friends house and tell them my family loves his family. We are here supporting him and will keep supporting him. I want to tell him my journey is giving awareness to minor sex trafficking here in the USA and what I do doesn't mean I'm trying to hurt him. I want to tell him his weakness doesn't define him. I want to tell him how sorry I am because all the posts I had on Facebook wasn't something he wanted to see all the time especially what he was doing was the very thing I was exposing. I didn't want to hurt him. I didn't want to destroy him or expose his weakness. I didn't know and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!
I hope he responses to my card I sent him. I hope he reaches back because our stories crossed for a reason. It can't just be this. Oh man, my heart is breaking like waves come over me and I can't breath. I can't apologize for following my own journey but the pain deep within my soul is crying out and the tears reach the surface and I know I have to move on believing he's safe and Leaders of the Church are taking care of him. I have to believe he's on the road to healing and I have to believe this will not swallow me whole and not let darkness in and at times, I'm afraid it all ready has.
I would feel so much better if I knew he was okay. I don't like the unknown and I just want to wrap my arms around him and tell him he's loved. Just because I'm an Advocate for Sex Trafficking doesn't mean I see him differently.
Man, I just want to call him up, I want to send him a Text Message, I want to send his wife a Text Message and I just want to send him an email but at the Emergency Church Meeting his family wants some space so I have to respect their wishes.
I thought the Abortion debate was hard enough but this just tops the cake. I didn't expect this news. It wasn't even on my radar of things to be an issue but here it is facing me. Yes, it's facing me staring right at me expecting me to react to the news like it's waiting for me to move. Will I fall apart or will I rise to the difficulty? I don't even know. My lack of sleep is swaying me all over the place good and bad. Maybe I'll leave it at that and go take care of my children. I just know, I got Jesus this time. Take Care, Peace!
No comments:
Post a Comment