I had to write something because the last post was dark and emotional. I have to start this weekend with a kind post with love and I want to touch someone tonight on this wonderful Friday night. I'm listening to some beautiful touching music and I'm excited for life. I'm excited for some good times coming not meaning in material things but inspiration to truly believe we can be wonderful and great people who are strong, beautiful and who are kind people who truly care of what this country, it's world, it's people are capable of doing extraordinary work.
Unless you are greedy or evil we all want the best. We believe in loving oneself and each other. We want to help as much as we are capable of doing. No one wants suffering but we are the world, we can make things happen. Who really needs a Government telling you , you can't be loving, you can't be giving and you are not capable of wanting to help their fellow man, woman, child etc? We just go out and do it because it's our duty in humanity to not allow someone to fall.
I know its the persons choice to fall but it doesn't mean you can't tell them you care. It doesn't mean you can't show them love and understanding. You may be there voice because they don't have one. Who knows but it doesn't help when we don't do anything. At the moment this is my voice.... this small little blog.
Lets inspire the good in people. Lets give people who are lost the chance to see this world the way it's meant to be. We are all blessed to walk this earth. We are here for a reason and whatever that maybe we need to use our weakness, our strength and show compassion to people who feel unworthy. Lift them up to see the good in this world one person at a time. Life is truly great!! Take care, Peace!
October 22, 2010
October 21, 2010
The Dark side of Life!!
Disclaimer: Fowl language in this Post!!
I get it and I understand life can be hard. I've been in places in my life where it was painful to live. Each day wasn't any better then the next. I understand people love drama for themselves or watching, reading and participating in other peoples drama. It's in our nature and sometimes we enjoy it watching other people suffer and sometimes it makes us feel better knowing someone else is suffering just like yourself. Our society is deep rooted with drama, suffering and sometimes people just need it to have meaning whatever that may be for themselves. I had plenty of drama directly and indirectly in my lifetime and frankly I'm getting to the point I would prefer not to have as much. It's really exhausting.
When you are walking with suffering in your life it really is hard to see the world as happiness. You are angry the world is shitting on you. You see other people with joy and you just want them to fuck off, neither you are jealous of them or really you just want them to fuck off.
Sometimes it's just easier to hate the world and everyone in it then to fix your life. It's like you are so down on your life working to make things better is harder so living your life with discontent is what you're going to do. It's not like you deserve a better life and it's not like you deserve to be happy. It's like you're not worth anything better so why bother changing things. Life is a sack of shit so I'll accept it as my life and struggling with life is at least something.
It's a dark world and you never see the good stuff. You never see the opportunities surrounding your life or the people who love and care for you. All you think is they are just trying to get in your business being all righteous like they are perfect and they just don't understand you. You think they are telling you how to live your life and they don't know you. They don't know what you have been through and they sure as hell need to back off because it's your life and they really don't know how you are feeling. What do they know? They haven't gone through my struggles or my heart breaks so how can they help me besides being in my business. You really don't want to hear it neither it makes you fell like more shit or you hear some truth in what they are saying and it makes you feel like shit for seeing your life like shit. It's never a win, win!!
Of course, you don't want to hear it because of your self worth. When you don't give yourself much respect or credit no matter what anyone says you don't believe them because you don't like yourself all that much. Why would you like yourself? The world is against you and suffering just follows you everywhere you go and you never get a break on anything. It's always something which keeps bringing you down. You have the "got ya" moments to prove life is full of shit. You understand the saying "shit happens" because you are living it.
You feel alone because no one understands your pain. No one understands your circumstances and you have lost friends because obviously they don't care and it's there loss. They were bitches and who needs that righteousness anyway like their shit don't stink. I'm better off without them.
It really is a lonely life. Seeing the world like that is sad and the despair, the pain, the not feeling like you are loved, that no one understands me or can understand me is an empty shell of a life. I happened to live some of my life is this. I went through a period of my life full of rage, sorrow, frustration and anger. No one could hate me more than I hated myself. It's sad way of life. The hard part were the tears of not knowing what was next like it was bad enough you couldn't deal with life the way it is yet more things were piling up on your plate like "Come on....really?" Enough is enough yet you keep living it over and over and it's not like you don't want to have an easy life but getting their would be work. How can you deal with work when you got all this shit to do already?
It's not easy changing your life around and seeing the world differently. It took me years and at times the work was more difficult to deal with but you keep working at it. You keep moving forward with baby steps and when you fall you pick yourself up and you keep moving. You're going to get bruised and feel beaten but in the end it's all worth it. One day you will look back and hold those scars of your life with pride.
This is how I did it. Each time a problem came up as much as it hurt I dealt with the issue. I was straight up with the problem that was burdening my heart. I dug in deep and worked it out so I could let them go so when things got tough those issues wouldn't bother me anymore. Then I moved on to the next problem and worked each issue out until life started looking easier. I could see the light on the other side. Then dealing with my problems were getting much easier. You're going to have short comings and old problems will creep back into your life. You pat yourself on your back and you push through.
The more learning you do about yourself you realize how strong you really were for putting up with all your shitty baggage you were carrying around on your back. The lighter you become by working on your craziness you realize you don't want to carry that shit anymore. It was heavy..damn you it hurt. Then you realize you don't want to live like that anymore. You are strong and you realize how strong you are and it gives you strength to push through the chaos of your life.
When things become easier and you learn you really are worth it then you get hit by a ton of bricks called........ guilt!!! Oh my, my bricks of guilt consumed me down to my core being. How do you get out of that? For me I allowed myself to mourn my past life. I started building my foundation to be stronger and more resistance so when troubles came my way it was easier to deal with. My foundation didn't crumble to the ground every time I was hit with the shit part of life. You can never change the past but only live in the present and hope for the future. To move forward you ask for forgiveness and you give forgiveness and life is not easy but it can be exciting and joyful. The light feels warm and inviting. The dark is cold and depressing. You choose what you are willing to live with.
I prayed on this post to guide me on what I should say. It was not easy on me and at times hurt with sadness. I truly believe in love. I care for you and I understand the dark life and with help I want to hold your hand and be there. Someone out there cares for you even when life is lonely. I learned though my dark times you really can't do it on your own. So you will need to put your guard down and ask for support. Support has been there all along and you just need to reach out and embrace it. Life is love and life is responsibility!! Take care, Peace!!
I get it and I understand life can be hard. I've been in places in my life where it was painful to live. Each day wasn't any better then the next. I understand people love drama for themselves or watching, reading and participating in other peoples drama. It's in our nature and sometimes we enjoy it watching other people suffer and sometimes it makes us feel better knowing someone else is suffering just like yourself. Our society is deep rooted with drama, suffering and sometimes people just need it to have meaning whatever that may be for themselves. I had plenty of drama directly and indirectly in my lifetime and frankly I'm getting to the point I would prefer not to have as much. It's really exhausting.
When you are walking with suffering in your life it really is hard to see the world as happiness. You are angry the world is shitting on you. You see other people with joy and you just want them to fuck off, neither you are jealous of them or really you just want them to fuck off.
Sometimes it's just easier to hate the world and everyone in it then to fix your life. It's like you are so down on your life working to make things better is harder so living your life with discontent is what you're going to do. It's not like you deserve a better life and it's not like you deserve to be happy. It's like you're not worth anything better so why bother changing things. Life is a sack of shit so I'll accept it as my life and struggling with life is at least something.
It's a dark world and you never see the good stuff. You never see the opportunities surrounding your life or the people who love and care for you. All you think is they are just trying to get in your business being all righteous like they are perfect and they just don't understand you. You think they are telling you how to live your life and they don't know you. They don't know what you have been through and they sure as hell need to back off because it's your life and they really don't know how you are feeling. What do they know? They haven't gone through my struggles or my heart breaks so how can they help me besides being in my business. You really don't want to hear it neither it makes you fell like more shit or you hear some truth in what they are saying and it makes you feel like shit for seeing your life like shit. It's never a win, win!!
Of course, you don't want to hear it because of your self worth. When you don't give yourself much respect or credit no matter what anyone says you don't believe them because you don't like yourself all that much. Why would you like yourself? The world is against you and suffering just follows you everywhere you go and you never get a break on anything. It's always something which keeps bringing you down. You have the "got ya" moments to prove life is full of shit. You understand the saying "shit happens" because you are living it.
You feel alone because no one understands your pain. No one understands your circumstances and you have lost friends because obviously they don't care and it's there loss. They were bitches and who needs that righteousness anyway like their shit don't stink. I'm better off without them.
It really is a lonely life. Seeing the world like that is sad and the despair, the pain, the not feeling like you are loved, that no one understands me or can understand me is an empty shell of a life. I happened to live some of my life is this. I went through a period of my life full of rage, sorrow, frustration and anger. No one could hate me more than I hated myself. It's sad way of life. The hard part were the tears of not knowing what was next like it was bad enough you couldn't deal with life the way it is yet more things were piling up on your plate like "Come on....really?" Enough is enough yet you keep living it over and over and it's not like you don't want to have an easy life but getting their would be work. How can you deal with work when you got all this shit to do already?
It's not easy changing your life around and seeing the world differently. It took me years and at times the work was more difficult to deal with but you keep working at it. You keep moving forward with baby steps and when you fall you pick yourself up and you keep moving. You're going to get bruised and feel beaten but in the end it's all worth it. One day you will look back and hold those scars of your life with pride.
This is how I did it. Each time a problem came up as much as it hurt I dealt with the issue. I was straight up with the problem that was burdening my heart. I dug in deep and worked it out so I could let them go so when things got tough those issues wouldn't bother me anymore. Then I moved on to the next problem and worked each issue out until life started looking easier. I could see the light on the other side. Then dealing with my problems were getting much easier. You're going to have short comings and old problems will creep back into your life. You pat yourself on your back and you push through.
The more learning you do about yourself you realize how strong you really were for putting up with all your shitty baggage you were carrying around on your back. The lighter you become by working on your craziness you realize you don't want to carry that shit anymore. It was heavy..damn you it hurt. Then you realize you don't want to live like that anymore. You are strong and you realize how strong you are and it gives you strength to push through the chaos of your life.
When things become easier and you learn you really are worth it then you get hit by a ton of bricks called........ guilt!!! Oh my, my bricks of guilt consumed me down to my core being. How do you get out of that? For me I allowed myself to mourn my past life. I started building my foundation to be stronger and more resistance so when troubles came my way it was easier to deal with. My foundation didn't crumble to the ground every time I was hit with the shit part of life. You can never change the past but only live in the present and hope for the future. To move forward you ask for forgiveness and you give forgiveness and life is not easy but it can be exciting and joyful. The light feels warm and inviting. The dark is cold and depressing. You choose what you are willing to live with.
I prayed on this post to guide me on what I should say. It was not easy on me and at times hurt with sadness. I truly believe in love. I care for you and I understand the dark life and with help I want to hold your hand and be there. Someone out there cares for you even when life is lonely. I learned though my dark times you really can't do it on your own. So you will need to put your guard down and ask for support. Support has been there all along and you just need to reach out and embrace it. Life is love and life is responsibility!! Take care, Peace!!
October 20, 2010
Meaning in your Life!!
What do you want out of your life? What does Life mean to you? Life is different for everyone. I believe in Music and it's message. I can hear a song and whatever circumstance I'm going through at the moment I find meaning of understanding I'll be okay. Lately, I've been listening to a few Christian songs. The one I'm posting is from Lincoln Brewster called Surrender.
The first time I heard this song was in Church. I was sitting down at the time but if I was standing up it would have brought me down on my knees. It broke me in a way like a force I can't explain in a good loving kinda way.
And I Surrender
All to you
All to you
I was touched like nothing I have felt before in my life. The power of the message in this song just made me have a different outlook into my life. I cried not because I felt sad..... I felt relief. I believe in receiving the message in a way you can relate too and feel comfortable with. God knows I live in the music. He knows I can relate and understand the meaning behind a song. This has never happened to me before where a great feeling over came me. It really was comforting!!
Why this song? Why in Church? Why now? I believe Gods message is what I needed to hear right now. It's my time and he knows I'm ready to listen to the word. This is my testimony. Would I have accepted this message like 7 years ago? No, because 7 years ago I wasn't ready to hear it.
I'll leave you with another song I love listening too. Chris Tomlin: How Great is our God!!
Live to love my friends, believers and unbelievers. Take care, Peace!!
The first time I heard this song was in Church. I was sitting down at the time but if I was standing up it would have brought me down on my knees. It broke me in a way like a force I can't explain in a good loving kinda way.
And I Surrender
All to you
All to you
I was touched like nothing I have felt before in my life. The power of the message in this song just made me have a different outlook into my life. I cried not because I felt sad..... I felt relief. I believe in receiving the message in a way you can relate too and feel comfortable with. God knows I live in the music. He knows I can relate and understand the meaning behind a song. This has never happened to me before where a great feeling over came me. It really was comforting!!
Why this song? Why in Church? Why now? I believe Gods message is what I needed to hear right now. It's my time and he knows I'm ready to listen to the word. This is my testimony. Would I have accepted this message like 7 years ago? No, because 7 years ago I wasn't ready to hear it.
I'll leave you with another song I love listening too. Chris Tomlin: How Great is our God!!
Live to love my friends, believers and unbelievers. Take care, Peace!!
As in At Peace!!
I've been thinking about Peace lately. What does that really mean? Sure I put it at the end of my posts and for me Peace means acceptance of one's self. Peace is commonly understood as the absence of hostility. So if you are hostile to your inner being you are not at Peace. If you love yourself and you are confident for the love of yourself you know who you are. You are not struggling to figure out what you believe or who you are as a person. You are who you are as a person and there is no question in your mind. So of course, you would have a strong understanding of your inner foundation that makes up your love which in sense is peace with no struggle and you have no burden.
When we struggle with ourselves we don't have love in our hearts and if we do we're in pain about it. You are searching for acceptance from people, from life but how can you receive acceptance from others if you can't do it for yourself first. If someone told you are beautiful but you don't believe you are beautiful then you're not going to believe them fully. If you believe you are beautiful and someone told you are beautiful you're going to believe them fully.
At one point in my life I didn't like myself all that much. I was in mass destruction within myself and I didn't know who I was. It was a lonely time for me. I felt like I was being torn in two different directions. I hope I will never have to go through that again. For one, I didn't know who I was as a person. I thought I knew but I didn't truly or I wouldn't have been in a position to hate myself. I now enjoy being by myself with my thoughts. It's not so dark in there. I slowly started to know who I was and what I wanted, what I loved, who I wanted to become and I worked on myself to release the burden within my heart. I worked on my forgiveness for the burden I was feeling and the acceptance of myself. It's a process and I'm not quite there but I'm on the road.
Once I feel like I'm in a place where the foundation is there I can share my peace with others and help others with compassion and understanding they too can feel at peace too. It's like in the beginning of a relationship. You want to know who the other person is to see if they are compatible with you so why can't you do that for yourself?
I know it's the hardest thing I had to do is forgive myself for my failures and my bad decisions and the people who have hurt me. It took along time to forgive myself. It also took me me a hard time to forgive others who have hurt me. In the process of learning what I wanted in life I realized when you hold a grudge toward others it doesn't hurt them. They are not hurting and they are not fixated on the pain which the burden is only on you. Let that go however you want too because it's really not worth it. You are not punishing them but yourself for allowing yourself to not forgive. I forgive you and I'm ready to move on. I'm ready to release the burden from my painful feelings, my angry feelings and the struggle which isn't allowing me to move forward.
So necessarily you don't have to forgive the person whom has hurt you in person for example: I couldn't get passed the pain and suffering my mother had on my heart for verbally abusing me when I was a kid. I wanted validation from her to move on and I never got it from her. Her denial of her part in my suffering only hurt me and I couldn't move on from that. I couldn't understand why she was in denial of my pain she caused me. It was like I wanted her to suffer as badly as I was feeling. So when I poured my heart out about my feelings to her on her abusing me and I didn't get what I wanted from her. It hurt me even more which broke my heart because she was my mother and I loved her. She was my mother and I didn't understand why she wasn't giving me compassion and the love I was needing from her. I was broken and I was searching for love from the wrong place. I needed to forgive and then in return find love within my own inner being to love oneself.
When I was getting to know who I was as a person I learned I needed to validate my own feelings. I know I was abused and I know it hurt me so when I finally got it I forgave my mother. The pain in my heart was my own burden and allowing myself to keep hurting was my own suffering and not hers.
I didn't want to hurt anymore and over time I have released the burden I was carrying around within me. Having Peace is refreshing and it feels good. I like good which in turns gives me a better outlook on my life. So we all want peace. We all can have peace but we need to work towards Peace and we need to share our peace with others. So go out and enjoy your life and start the journey of forgiveness.... what ever that is for you. Take care, Peace!!!
When we struggle with ourselves we don't have love in our hearts and if we do we're in pain about it. You are searching for acceptance from people, from life but how can you receive acceptance from others if you can't do it for yourself first. If someone told you are beautiful but you don't believe you are beautiful then you're not going to believe them fully. If you believe you are beautiful and someone told you are beautiful you're going to believe them fully.
At one point in my life I didn't like myself all that much. I was in mass destruction within myself and I didn't know who I was. It was a lonely time for me. I felt like I was being torn in two different directions. I hope I will never have to go through that again. For one, I didn't know who I was as a person. I thought I knew but I didn't truly or I wouldn't have been in a position to hate myself. I now enjoy being by myself with my thoughts. It's not so dark in there. I slowly started to know who I was and what I wanted, what I loved, who I wanted to become and I worked on myself to release the burden within my heart. I worked on my forgiveness for the burden I was feeling and the acceptance of myself. It's a process and I'm not quite there but I'm on the road.
Once I feel like I'm in a place where the foundation is there I can share my peace with others and help others with compassion and understanding they too can feel at peace too. It's like in the beginning of a relationship. You want to know who the other person is to see if they are compatible with you so why can't you do that for yourself?
I know it's the hardest thing I had to do is forgive myself for my failures and my bad decisions and the people who have hurt me. It took along time to forgive myself. It also took me me a hard time to forgive others who have hurt me. In the process of learning what I wanted in life I realized when you hold a grudge toward others it doesn't hurt them. They are not hurting and they are not fixated on the pain which the burden is only on you. Let that go however you want too because it's really not worth it. You are not punishing them but yourself for allowing yourself to not forgive. I forgive you and I'm ready to move on. I'm ready to release the burden from my painful feelings, my angry feelings and the struggle which isn't allowing me to move forward.
So necessarily you don't have to forgive the person whom has hurt you in person for example: I couldn't get passed the pain and suffering my mother had on my heart for verbally abusing me when I was a kid. I wanted validation from her to move on and I never got it from her. Her denial of her part in my suffering only hurt me and I couldn't move on from that. I couldn't understand why she was in denial of my pain she caused me. It was like I wanted her to suffer as badly as I was feeling. So when I poured my heart out about my feelings to her on her abusing me and I didn't get what I wanted from her. It hurt me even more which broke my heart because she was my mother and I loved her. She was my mother and I didn't understand why she wasn't giving me compassion and the love I was needing from her. I was broken and I was searching for love from the wrong place. I needed to forgive and then in return find love within my own inner being to love oneself.
When I was getting to know who I was as a person I learned I needed to validate my own feelings. I know I was abused and I know it hurt me so when I finally got it I forgave my mother. The pain in my heart was my own burden and allowing myself to keep hurting was my own suffering and not hers.
I didn't want to hurt anymore and over time I have released the burden I was carrying around within me. Having Peace is refreshing and it feels good. I like good which in turns gives me a better outlook on my life. So we all want peace. We all can have peace but we need to work towards Peace and we need to share our peace with others. So go out and enjoy your life and start the journey of forgiveness.... what ever that is for you. Take care, Peace!!!
October 15, 2010
I am No SuperMom..deal with that!!
I never want to be a Supermom to where I feel like I have to take drugs to get me through life. I don't want the pressure for myself just to feel like I have to stretch myself in so many directions just to feel like I'm doing an outstanding job as a mother.
I'm not in a contest with other mothers to prove or show I'm better than they are. We are Mom's and it's a wonderful job at times and a horrible job at times but we do it and sometimes we don't feel appreciated being a mother but we do it anyway.
We are all working mothers with some who work outside the home and others who stay home. Some mothers are single mothers and some are not. At the end of the day we're still Mothers who love our children and want the best for them. Does it matter how we do it?
I value being a mother by the way my children are growing up in a stable environment with two parents who love and respect each other and that doesn't mean I think I'm better than the next Mom. This is how I want to raise my children and there is nothing wrong with that or wrong with how another Mother raises her children.
I'm getting out of this Mother competition society has put pressure on Mothers to be Supermoms. We do it to ourselves and I'm not going to be apart of it. Judge me Judge me not..... I really don't care what you think. My kids are loved and that's all that matters to me at the end of the day. Some days are wonderful and some days are a struggle but I know I'm doing what I feel is best for my children.
The moment I feel like I have to take some brain altering prescription anti-anxiety or an anti-depressant drug to raise my children then I'll need to re valuate my life. It's not worth it to me to put that much pressure on myself and raising children shouldn't be a daily struggle or hardship. It should give you happiness so it carries you through the tough times. Take care, Peace!!!
I'm not in a contest with other mothers to prove or show I'm better than they are. We are Mom's and it's a wonderful job at times and a horrible job at times but we do it and sometimes we don't feel appreciated being a mother but we do it anyway.
We are all working mothers with some who work outside the home and others who stay home. Some mothers are single mothers and some are not. At the end of the day we're still Mothers who love our children and want the best for them. Does it matter how we do it?
I value being a mother by the way my children are growing up in a stable environment with two parents who love and respect each other and that doesn't mean I think I'm better than the next Mom. This is how I want to raise my children and there is nothing wrong with that or wrong with how another Mother raises her children.
I'm getting out of this Mother competition society has put pressure on Mothers to be Supermoms. We do it to ourselves and I'm not going to be apart of it. Judge me Judge me not..... I really don't care what you think. My kids are loved and that's all that matters to me at the end of the day. Some days are wonderful and some days are a struggle but I know I'm doing what I feel is best for my children.
The moment I feel like I have to take some brain altering prescription anti-anxiety or an anti-depressant drug to raise my children then I'll need to re valuate my life. It's not worth it to me to put that much pressure on myself and raising children shouldn't be a daily struggle or hardship. It should give you happiness so it carries you through the tough times. Take care, Peace!!!
October 13, 2010
This is what I'm talking about!!
Well it's Wednesday and I'm getting a hang of this single parenthood. This is the easy I'm looking for. I don't mind easy and I can live with easy where I don't feel like life is a struggle where I can live without pressure, without fighting, without tears and without having to take a break because life seems too hard. I like this and it makes life so enjoyable.
Today is easy but I do miss my husband and I can't wait until he comes home in a few days. The kids think it's cool they can video skype with there father. I'm happy I can video skype with my husband and actually get to see him. It's better then talking over the phone!!
Well Life is good, the kids are still alive and I have the best family and friends in the world and my husband still loves me!! Take care, Peace!!
Today is easy but I do miss my husband and I can't wait until he comes home in a few days. The kids think it's cool they can video skype with there father. I'm happy I can video skype with my husband and actually get to see him. It's better then talking over the phone!!
Well Life is good, the kids are still alive and I have the best family and friends in the world and my husband still loves me!! Take care, Peace!!
October 12, 2010
That's Life!!
Why I like to make my life difficult I don't know? I think deep down inside I love the challenge like my life isn't a challenge as it is. I need to make it twice as challenging. I need to make it as a hurdle and a huge hill and lets make it even more difficult by lets throw in there some sharp rocks to climb over. Okay, it's not that bad but sometimes life feels like that. Some days you want things to be easy.
Well my two kids and I got a good night sleep. It was needed from the night before when we didn't get any. I felt rested this morning and ready to get this party started. I fed the kids, got them dressed and out the door in record time to get the daughter to school. Things were going great, no fighting, no struggle, we were working as a team. So much love going on. My kids made their mother proud...then.............. I made the silly mistake in using the stroller this morning because I thought I would be kind to my son. My son has some allergy/cold thing going on and even though he's a little old for the thing I made the decision to use it. Big mistake...BIG!! But I did have good reasons!!
He is sick
He would have to walk in the cold
We could walk quicker with him in the stroller
It would be easier on him
But I didn't put into mind he's 35 lbs of 3 year old which I would have to push up some small tiny hill which this morning felt like a huge hill and me getting over my own sickness gave me more work then it was worth plus I don't know why they make those strollers so short like you have to be Igor bend over just to push the thing. Talk about sore arms and back...sheeesh!! At least, I got a good leg workout!!
I don't think I'll be using the stroller anymore. That was not what I had in mind this morning to make life easy. When I got home I thought I was going to faint. It's not like my daughters school is that far away. I'm tired. I wish I could sleep again but that's life!!! Life could be easy and I can live with easy. I really miss my husband right now. Take care, Peace!!
Well my two kids and I got a good night sleep. It was needed from the night before when we didn't get any. I felt rested this morning and ready to get this party started. I fed the kids, got them dressed and out the door in record time to get the daughter to school. Things were going great, no fighting, no struggle, we were working as a team. So much love going on. My kids made their mother proud...then.............. I made the silly mistake in using the stroller this morning because I thought I would be kind to my son. My son has some allergy/cold thing going on and even though he's a little old for the thing I made the decision to use it. Big mistake...BIG!! But I did have good reasons!!
He is sick
He would have to walk in the cold
We could walk quicker with him in the stroller
It would be easier on him
But I didn't put into mind he's 35 lbs of 3 year old which I would have to push up some small tiny hill which this morning felt like a huge hill and me getting over my own sickness gave me more work then it was worth plus I don't know why they make those strollers so short like you have to be Igor bend over just to push the thing. Talk about sore arms and back...sheeesh!! At least, I got a good leg workout!!
I don't think I'll be using the stroller anymore. That was not what I had in mind this morning to make life easy. When I got home I thought I was going to faint. It's not like my daughters school is that far away. I'm tired. I wish I could sleep again but that's life!!! Life could be easy and I can live with easy. I really miss my husband right now. Take care, Peace!!
October 11, 2010
Zombies have taken over!!
Why I broke my own rule and allowed them to co-sleep with me? Their father is out of town on another business trip to California for the week. I'm recovering from the flu/cold whatever I have and I need my sleep so the smarty pants I am thought if we all slept together in the same bed WE all would get a good nights sleep....look how that worked out for me?
Now a sleepless night and I'm hacking out a lung and my kids are fighting with each other on who kept who awake all night. I thought it was both of them but apparently I lost that battle.
So the three of us look like the living dead, cranky with some crying and that's just me. The daughter is upset I'm keeping her home from school today. I wonder why? and why punish her teacher because of my lack of good parenting. I'm sure lack of sleep for a 5 year old doesn't go well with learning in a school environment.
Life Lessons: never break your own rules!! Take care, Peace!!
October 8, 2010
Mighty to Save!!
I truly believe we all have a purpose in this world. I am learning more about myself in the last few months then I have ever experienced before. Get to know who you are. What do you stand for so you can just live your life with peace, love and acceptance. Take care, Peace!!
October 5, 2010
The Cross which speaks my name!!
My husband wanted to buy me a cross awhile ago and I told him when I was ready I would get one. I wouldn't call myself having a conventional definition for my faith. I'm very spiritual even before I started my journey with Christ. I just didn't want to get a Cross to have a Cross. I wanted it to have meaning not only for Jesus sacrificing his life for us but also meaning for me spiritually so I personally will remember Gods love. I need a connection like a testimony to my faith in which I can relate too!!
I'm not here to demand everyone has to be religious or have some form of religion because it's personal to the individual. I don't want religion pushed on me so I'm not going to push it on you. I just want to explain my journey on how I found my cross.
I shared with you a poem close to my heart called Footprints in the Sand GO HERE. (Sorry about the non edited version. I don't know what happened to my blog but time is busy and I haven't gotten around to fix this blog.)
Anyway, This Poem has great meaning to me. Especially when I thought God had forsaken me. I was broken and had lost my faith on many of occasions.....too many to count!! But I always found my way back to this poem like it was speaking to my soul and my heart that I wasn't alone and God was carrying me. Reading footprint's in the Sand the last sentence "it was then that I carried you" is engraved on the back of my cross. On the front are footprints. I know it's not the traditional cross but when I saw this cross in the store I knew this was my cross.
It's like God was communicating with me the only way he knew I would understand his message. I know this poem isn't out of the bible. I know a women wrote this poem but the message of God's love affected my life in ways I can't express. Times in my life I did forget the message but now........I proudly wear my cross around my neck so I will never forget his message of his love for me. I am blessed in so many ways even when I don't really understand why? Take care, Peace!!
I'm not here to demand everyone has to be religious or have some form of religion because it's personal to the individual. I don't want religion pushed on me so I'm not going to push it on you. I just want to explain my journey on how I found my cross.
I shared with you a poem close to my heart called Footprints in the Sand GO HERE. (Sorry about the non edited version. I don't know what happened to my blog but time is busy and I haven't gotten around to fix this blog.)
Anyway, This Poem has great meaning to me. Especially when I thought God had forsaken me. I was broken and had lost my faith on many of occasions.....too many to count!! But I always found my way back to this poem like it was speaking to my soul and my heart that I wasn't alone and God was carrying me. Reading footprint's in the Sand the last sentence "it was then that I carried you" is engraved on the back of my cross. On the front are footprints. I know it's not the traditional cross but when I saw this cross in the store I knew this was my cross.
It's like God was communicating with me the only way he knew I would understand his message. I know this poem isn't out of the bible. I know a women wrote this poem but the message of God's love affected my life in ways I can't express. Times in my life I did forget the message but now........I proudly wear my cross around my neck so I will never forget his message of his love for me. I am blessed in so many ways even when I don't really understand why? Take care, Peace!!
Change is Good or is it?
It's 9 in the morning and I'm having popcorn with my son. We're sitting here enjoying Dora the Explorer and having a bowl of salty buttery popcorn. It's quite satisfying. This is a good change. I can enjoy this.
Since my daughter started her school career I've been lagging behind in my own life endeavors. I have so much I want to do but it seems like the weeks are just flying by. My weekends are busy busy and I'm not complaining about that but I do need to just relax and maybe I should schedule it in between nap time and homework.
I'm not completely healthy so balancing my time and making sure I don't have a burn out is like juggling. It's a process and lately I'm not so good at it. I'm figuring out what works best for me. I'm not getting much sleep because I'm spreading my time between my family members which it doesn't give me enough time to get the allotted sleep I need to make it through my day. I know, and I need to figure this out before I land my butt in the ER again.
Which I'm in a panic now because as much as I'm working on my schedule to balance out my life so I don't neglect my own needs....... I'm coming down with a cold!!! I can handle a cold and that's taking medication and having the excuse to complain but my husband is going on another Business trip and he'll be gone for a week this time...leaves Sunday. I know I can get help taking care of the kids from my mother in law but still. I don't need to get sick like this. It's like okay, I'm going to get sick but the timing is a little off. Why couldn't I catch a cold after he gets back?
This is change I don't like. Change of rearranging my schedule to fit my lack of ability. I have a problem giving up a little of my power to control my own independence. It's like a fear of forgetting how to take care of ones self because you're so used to leaning and depending another person to survive. It's been a few years where I had to lean onto my husband for support with the kids, the home, the medical difficulties, and my own pressures of giving up control. Now I'm feeling a little like I'm a failure. Yes, I go there. This is my moment of weakness.......
Honestly, I know what I'm capable of. I know what I can handle and what I can't. I know my own inner demons and I have choices. I can choose to wallow in my own self pity or I will survive like I have always done. I will make an honest effort to weather the storm that comes my way. This cold of mine is nothing. I have to remember in the last 4 years of my hardest times where it was difficult to get the energy to feed my children. This is nothing compared to finding the strength to make it through the day afraid of passing out, afraid I wouldn't be here for my kids, my husband and not knowing why my system was failing me. So getting a cold is nothing compared to my most trying times. This is change I can live with. Knowing I made it through those days of not having the energy to survive and I did. I managed and I did it so I know I can manage to rearrange my life to get through this bump in the road. This is nothing!! Take care, Peace!!
Since my daughter started her school career I've been lagging behind in my own life endeavors. I have so much I want to do but it seems like the weeks are just flying by. My weekends are busy busy and I'm not complaining about that but I do need to just relax and maybe I should schedule it in between nap time and homework.
I'm not completely healthy so balancing my time and making sure I don't have a burn out is like juggling. It's a process and lately I'm not so good at it. I'm figuring out what works best for me. I'm not getting much sleep because I'm spreading my time between my family members which it doesn't give me enough time to get the allotted sleep I need to make it through my day. I know, and I need to figure this out before I land my butt in the ER again.
Which I'm in a panic now because as much as I'm working on my schedule to balance out my life so I don't neglect my own needs....... I'm coming down with a cold!!! I can handle a cold and that's taking medication and having the excuse to complain but my husband is going on another Business trip and he'll be gone for a week this time...leaves Sunday. I know I can get help taking care of the kids from my mother in law but still. I don't need to get sick like this. It's like okay, I'm going to get sick but the timing is a little off. Why couldn't I catch a cold after he gets back?
This is change I don't like. Change of rearranging my schedule to fit my lack of ability. I have a problem giving up a little of my power to control my own independence. It's like a fear of forgetting how to take care of ones self because you're so used to leaning and depending another person to survive. It's been a few years where I had to lean onto my husband for support with the kids, the home, the medical difficulties, and my own pressures of giving up control. Now I'm feeling a little like I'm a failure. Yes, I go there. This is my moment of weakness.......
Honestly, I know what I'm capable of. I know what I can handle and what I can't. I know my own inner demons and I have choices. I can choose to wallow in my own self pity or I will survive like I have always done. I will make an honest effort to weather the storm that comes my way. This cold of mine is nothing. I have to remember in the last 4 years of my hardest times where it was difficult to get the energy to feed my children. This is nothing compared to finding the strength to make it through the day afraid of passing out, afraid I wouldn't be here for my kids, my husband and not knowing why my system was failing me. So getting a cold is nothing compared to my most trying times. This is change I can live with. Knowing I made it through those days of not having the energy to survive and I did. I managed and I did it so I know I can manage to rearrange my life to get through this bump in the road. This is nothing!! Take care, Peace!!
October 1, 2010
Powering your Mind!!
I love reading books. I keep telling my children "Mommy's book collection is my legacy to you". The love of reading is a passion for me just like Music is apart of my soul and well being. I like soaking my brain full of knowledge. I typically have an open mind when it comes to books. No subject is off limits to me. I have a vast collection of books about the Holocaust. I have political books, books about faith, books about History, books that are fiction, non fiction and books which celebrities have written.
I make time in my schedule to read. I have 8 books ready for me to dig right in. I'm sure if I had free rein I would put my family into the poor house because of my love of reading. I have to use self control when it comes to buying books.
When I stop being lazy I may set up something on my blog of the books I have read. I don't know yet but we'll see. Here's my fall reading list and I'm hoping to finish these books before Winter starts.
The Roots of Obama's Rage-Dinesh D'Souza
Barefoot in Baghdad-Manal M. Omar
The Confirmation-Ralph Reed
Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass an American Slave
The Communist Manifesto and Other Writings-Karl Marx and Freidrich Engels
The Federalist-Alexander Hamilton, James Madison, and John Jay
Coming later is Rules for Radicals and Propaganda. My husband couldn't get these two books at the bookstore yesterday because they didn't have them so I'm going to order these two off the Internet. It's like I need to know.
I don't agree with the Presidents ideology and it doesn't make me a racist but I also want to know where he comes from as a man. I want to know because maybe I'll get a better understanding of where his character is pushing for his policies. I'll be getting his books this winter.
Most of the books I have read in the last 6 months usually are not books I would choose to read but I feel it's important I read books out of my interests range so I know what's going on in the world around me. Would I typically read The Communist Manifesto? No, but I do want to understand Marxists and Communists. I normally wouldn't even read the Federalist neither but I feel obligated to read about USA History for my children's sake so they learn the truth about their Countries History then what the Progressives in this Country want you to learn. I'm learning more on Woodrow Wilson. Mr. Wilson was the first huge push on the Progressives in this Country. I would like to know how they think.
I always want to find the truth for myself. I want to understand more and learn more. You want to know a book that would blow your mind. Read Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. The book horrified me. Lets just say after reading this book I'm awake now as in I will be more vigilant in what the Government is doing and if that means I have to stretch my mind to insanity I will. Take care, Peace!!
I make time in my schedule to read. I have 8 books ready for me to dig right in. I'm sure if I had free rein I would put my family into the poor house because of my love of reading. I have to use self control when it comes to buying books.
When I stop being lazy I may set up something on my blog of the books I have read. I don't know yet but we'll see. Here's my fall reading list and I'm hoping to finish these books before Winter starts.
The Roots of Obama's Rage-Dinesh D'Souza
Barefoot in Baghdad-Manal M. Omar
The Confirmation-Ralph Reed
Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass an American Slave
The Communist Manifesto and Other Writings-Karl Marx and Freidrich Engels
The Federalist-Alexander Hamilton, James Madison, and John Jay
Coming later is Rules for Radicals and Propaganda. My husband couldn't get these two books at the bookstore yesterday because they didn't have them so I'm going to order these two off the Internet. It's like I need to know.
I don't agree with the Presidents ideology and it doesn't make me a racist but I also want to know where he comes from as a man. I want to know because maybe I'll get a better understanding of where his character is pushing for his policies. I'll be getting his books this winter.
Most of the books I have read in the last 6 months usually are not books I would choose to read but I feel it's important I read books out of my interests range so I know what's going on in the world around me. Would I typically read The Communist Manifesto? No, but I do want to understand Marxists and Communists. I normally wouldn't even read the Federalist neither but I feel obligated to read about USA History for my children's sake so they learn the truth about their Countries History then what the Progressives in this Country want you to learn. I'm learning more on Woodrow Wilson. Mr. Wilson was the first huge push on the Progressives in this Country. I would like to know how they think.
I always want to find the truth for myself. I want to understand more and learn more. You want to know a book that would blow your mind. Read Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. The book horrified me. Lets just say after reading this book I'm awake now as in I will be more vigilant in what the Government is doing and if that means I have to stretch my mind to insanity I will. Take care, Peace!!
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