So a few weeks ago I hit a brick wall and everything I was going through the last several months came crashing down on my head. I just couldn't handle the way my life was going. I felt I was going down a path on my journey that I didn't feel was my path.
I waited and I listened to my heart and the other day my husband made a suggestion to one of my spiritual problems He made a suggestion to me that I think will work in dealing with our new church. We can serve and at the same time get our spiritual needs met by going to a different church on a different day to fill the need within me. I kinda like the idea. So this is a compromise to a situation I felt conflicted about.
I just needed patience to believe an answer was out there. I needed to understand my answers were not going to come like that day and now I feel better knowing I can serve our church and get the food at the same time. If that means we have to go to another church to do so then that's what my family needs to do for awhile.
I have done a few things around the house to calm my nerves about the chaos within my home. I've given our family room a little face lift and now the weather is getting better I have a plan to de-clutter my home.
It's been great now my energy level has been getting better I can keep up with the daily up keep of the home and it's made me less stressed. The laundry hasn't been piling up each week and it only takes me an hour just to tidy the house up which a few years ago it would take me all week to do. Of course, I'm not 100% there but if I keep moving forward my home will be the way I want it in a few months. That's nice!! That's peaceful so I can concentrate on important things in life like the world around me. Take care, Peace!!
February 25, 2011
February 15, 2011
Don't be wasteful!!
I've been teaching my almost 4 year old about wasting food. He's been doing that lately asking for something to eat and then changing his mind or he asks for something then he only eats one bite out of it. It drives me up the wall. I didn't have a problem with this with my daughter and I was ready to starve my child for a few days so he understood about the importance of food.
My family has the luxury of having food on our table and are able to buy more. It's not like we're the rest of the world because we can eat whenever we want. It's not like I want to guilt my kids with food but I also want them to understand we are the lucky ones who has food and we should appreciate what we have then just take food for granted like it will always be there.
So instead of starving my child to make my point of not wasting food and not using the line of "Kids in Africa don't have food" like my Parents used to use on me, I decided to go a different approach. You ask for something and you don't get anything else to eat until you finish the food you already have or at least make an honest effort. It's like teaching him responsibility in the process.
I'm not the one to make the kids eat everything on their plates because that contributes to over eating but at least make an honest effort other than taking one bite of something and changing your mind. My son has gotten in the habit of asking for something, taking a few bites, saying he's full but then 5 minutes later saying he wants something to eat because he's hungry. It's so wasteful and I really don't want to raise my children like that. Right now, we are blessed to just go out and buy food but we don't know what tomorrow will bring. We really don't know the future. Take care, Peace!!
My family has the luxury of having food on our table and are able to buy more. It's not like we're the rest of the world because we can eat whenever we want. It's not like I want to guilt my kids with food but I also want them to understand we are the lucky ones who has food and we should appreciate what we have then just take food for granted like it will always be there.
So instead of starving my child to make my point of not wasting food and not using the line of "Kids in Africa don't have food" like my Parents used to use on me, I decided to go a different approach. You ask for something and you don't get anything else to eat until you finish the food you already have or at least make an honest effort. It's like teaching him responsibility in the process.
I'm not the one to make the kids eat everything on their plates because that contributes to over eating but at least make an honest effort other than taking one bite of something and changing your mind. My son has gotten in the habit of asking for something, taking a few bites, saying he's full but then 5 minutes later saying he wants something to eat because he's hungry. It's so wasteful and I really don't want to raise my children like that. Right now, we are blessed to just go out and buy food but we don't know what tomorrow will bring. We really don't know the future. Take care, Peace!!
February 9, 2011
Be who you are!!
The last several months something was really bothering me but I couldn't put my finger on it. It was heavy on my heart but I couldn't figure it out. I thought it was all due to my winter blues and I passed it off but each week would go by I knew something was not quite right until last weekend when it all came to a head and everything poured out.
I know who I am and I live my life in a way that's best for me but it's not always shown to the world in a way that I tend to express myself so new people think I'm this other person but I'm not what they think of me. So when my husband jumped head first into our new church back in October he was excited and the launch team got to know him, got to hear his faith and got to understand him but I felt like they didn't know me and I was pushed along on his coat tails on his faith, on his likeness and the whole time I felt I was living like someone I wasn't. I know who I am and where I stand but I felt like they saw me through him. That's how I felt even if my assumption was correct or not. I felt used like all I was too this new launch team was another head to take care of the children of the church when I felt I needed to be in the Church growing my faith then to serve it.
I think these last few months have been going to fast for me and it had caught up to me. I'm just not ready right now. I need people to see me not what they think of me through what my husband has done. Our faiths are totally different, we need different things but the end goal is the same. My approach to life is way different then my husbands because the way we were brought up in life. So when we got more involved with the church I was feeling pushed into something I wasn't ready to do but felt obliged into serving the church because of my kids and the excitement of my husband.
I was feeling fake like this wasn't me and I wanted to be excited and I wanted to trust what was happening but the more I just let it go on its own path the more it bothered me, the more I saw things weren't right for me. This wasn't my journey. The talk I had with my husband this past weekend we realized what we need to do as a family in our own home but we haven't figured out what to do about the church. It's not like I want to just up and leave the church because I think I still need the church. I'm just going to be true to myself and be who I'm supposed to be then an image of what people think I am.
I feel better in knowing I was true to myself in knowing what was bothering me. I stood up for me. I enjoy my journey but sometimes you go down a path that was never meant for you. It's high time I get back on my own. Life's too short to not be yourself. Take care, Peace!!
I know who I am and I live my life in a way that's best for me but it's not always shown to the world in a way that I tend to express myself so new people think I'm this other person but I'm not what they think of me. So when my husband jumped head first into our new church back in October he was excited and the launch team got to know him, got to hear his faith and got to understand him but I felt like they didn't know me and I was pushed along on his coat tails on his faith, on his likeness and the whole time I felt I was living like someone I wasn't. I know who I am and where I stand but I felt like they saw me through him. That's how I felt even if my assumption was correct or not. I felt used like all I was too this new launch team was another head to take care of the children of the church when I felt I needed to be in the Church growing my faith then to serve it.
I think these last few months have been going to fast for me and it had caught up to me. I'm just not ready right now. I need people to see me not what they think of me through what my husband has done. Our faiths are totally different, we need different things but the end goal is the same. My approach to life is way different then my husbands because the way we were brought up in life. So when we got more involved with the church I was feeling pushed into something I wasn't ready to do but felt obliged into serving the church because of my kids and the excitement of my husband.
I was feeling fake like this wasn't me and I wanted to be excited and I wanted to trust what was happening but the more I just let it go on its own path the more it bothered me, the more I saw things weren't right for me. This wasn't my journey. The talk I had with my husband this past weekend we realized what we need to do as a family in our own home but we haven't figured out what to do about the church. It's not like I want to just up and leave the church because I think I still need the church. I'm just going to be true to myself and be who I'm supposed to be then an image of what people think I am.
I feel better in knowing I was true to myself in knowing what was bothering me. I stood up for me. I enjoy my journey but sometimes you go down a path that was never meant for you. It's high time I get back on my own. Life's too short to not be yourself. Take care, Peace!!
February 8, 2011
What's right!!
So this past weekend, my world just got flipped upside down. Things that have been brewing for the last several months just blew up and came out. I learned the love my husband has for me and his love to protect his wife became clear to me. He's my stable rock and I should lean on him more because he's one of the few who truly understands who I am and why I do things differently because of the way I had to survive and keep my journey going forward.
I'm not the person to just have a full on meltdown. I tend to keep it within myself because I don't have a lot of people I trust to put myself out there for judgement and in doing so I kept a lot of burden on my shoulders.
I do what's best for me, I know how much I can handle and I know when I need to step up but this past weekend I kinda lost it. Do I feel good I did it? Yes and no. I'm glad my husband and I got to talk and to chat about what we should do as a family but I don't feel good it had come in the way that it did. I feel like I let myself down in a way I promised I would tell my husband everything. He supports me and wants the best for me and he proved it this past weekend. We don't know all the answers but we'll be working together on finding a solution so our family stays where it should be.
He doesn't want me to suffer and in telling him about my feelings the past few months of things going on outside of our family has strengthened our bond. We are a family first and that's what matters first. The answers are out there and now I just need to listen. Take care, Peace!!
I'm not the person to just have a full on meltdown. I tend to keep it within myself because I don't have a lot of people I trust to put myself out there for judgement and in doing so I kept a lot of burden on my shoulders.
I do what's best for me, I know how much I can handle and I know when I need to step up but this past weekend I kinda lost it. Do I feel good I did it? Yes and no. I'm glad my husband and I got to talk and to chat about what we should do as a family but I don't feel good it had come in the way that it did. I feel like I let myself down in a way I promised I would tell my husband everything. He supports me and wants the best for me and he proved it this past weekend. We don't know all the answers but we'll be working together on finding a solution so our family stays where it should be.
He doesn't want me to suffer and in telling him about my feelings the past few months of things going on outside of our family has strengthened our bond. We are a family first and that's what matters first. The answers are out there and now I just need to listen. Take care, Peace!!
February 4, 2011
Follow your Heart!!
So last night I got out of my comfort zone and wrote an email to my Pastor. It was a difficult task and there were a few moments where I just wanted to delete the email but I've been feeling unrested for awhile. I had the nagging feeling for awhile so last night I just went for it and my heart felt it was going to jump out of my chest when I pushed the send button but I did it. Now if I make it to Church on Sunday I think I'm moving forward and if I chicken out I will have taken a step backwards. I normally don't like going beyond my comfort zone. I feel safe with this blog so that doesn't count.
I'm kinda proud of myself really. I felt like I was being misunderstood and my husband is the more outgoing type and he just went head first into the launch of the new Church while I was just going on the ride of his excitement. I support my husband and he's helping the production team and is very busy serving the Church and I'm just the babysitter. So I had to say how I felt. I'm not my husband who is outgoing and can meet people and feel comfortable in his surroundings. I'm the shy, quiet person who has a hard time just going up to someone and having a conversation with them. I would rather blend in the crowd then be in the spotlight. I may be my husbands wife but our stories are totally different and I just felt like I was being compared has a married couple but not the individual.
I've been feeling left behind like I didn't need the service but be doing the serving. My relationship with God is new and I'm learning. I still have along ways to go and I don't feel like being pushed to fast into a world I'm not totally comfortable being in just yet. I got a lot of burden within my heart.
So I took the leap and sent that very hard emotional email and time will tell if it was worth it. Now I just need the courage to get my butt into Church Sunday. Take care, Peace!!
I'm kinda proud of myself really. I felt like I was being misunderstood and my husband is the more outgoing type and he just went head first into the launch of the new Church while I was just going on the ride of his excitement. I support my husband and he's helping the production team and is very busy serving the Church and I'm just the babysitter. So I had to say how I felt. I'm not my husband who is outgoing and can meet people and feel comfortable in his surroundings. I'm the shy, quiet person who has a hard time just going up to someone and having a conversation with them. I would rather blend in the crowd then be in the spotlight. I may be my husbands wife but our stories are totally different and I just felt like I was being compared has a married couple but not the individual.
I've been feeling left behind like I didn't need the service but be doing the serving. My relationship with God is new and I'm learning. I still have along ways to go and I don't feel like being pushed to fast into a world I'm not totally comfortable being in just yet. I got a lot of burden within my heart.
So I took the leap and sent that very hard emotional email and time will tell if it was worth it. Now I just need the courage to get my butt into Church Sunday. Take care, Peace!!
February 3, 2011
Just the Babysitter!!
The last couple of months have been a whirlwind with ups and downs. It's been a learning process and when I thought I was getting through my shyness of meeting new people I thought I met some new friends I could get to know from meeting at church but now I feel like I'm the new kid in school not knowing my place on the Totem pole.
It just turns out I'm just a good babysitter and a person that can help take care of the church kids. Nothing more, nothing less. It sucks especially when I over hear conversations of girls night out and I'm not invited. I guess I'm not the cool person who could also use a break from motherhood and could use some girl time too. It just sucks!!
That's life and I should just remember who my real friends are not a group of women from church who only see me as one head who can help in the Nursery taking care of their children. So I'll be the quiet shy person at church with a smile on my face pretending to care. I know that's not nice to say but being me sucks at times when I feel used for just being a nice person who agreed to take care of there children so I could get to know them better. I was wrong. Who needs new friends?
It just turns out I'm just a good babysitter and a person that can help take care of the church kids. Nothing more, nothing less. It sucks especially when I over hear conversations of girls night out and I'm not invited. I guess I'm not the cool person who could also use a break from motherhood and could use some girl time too. It just sucks!!
That's life and I should just remember who my real friends are not a group of women from church who only see me as one head who can help in the Nursery taking care of their children. So I'll be the quiet shy person at church with a smile on my face pretending to care. I know that's not nice to say but being me sucks at times when I feel used for just being a nice person who agreed to take care of there children so I could get to know them better. I was wrong. Who needs new friends?
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