Water Intoxication and Thomas!

My daughter loves Thomas the Tank Engine and has a very large collection of toys, DVD's and clothes so it's just normal to go to The Day out with Thomas. Last June we planned to go on a Saturday morning. Our train ride on Thomas was at 5:00pm but we never been to one event before so we didn't realize we didn't have to be there at 10:00am. On June 28th we got up early and headed to our destination an hour away. We found the parking lot and it was close to 100 degrees on this morning. We didn't care because we had water. Our daughter was excited she would get to go on a school bus. Parking was far from the train depot so it was wise to ride the bus because the walk would have been up a very steep hill and with a double stroller well it would have been crazy. Lets just say it was hot that day well over than hot. Being a diabetic I am prone to get dehydrated on hot days so I didn't want to ruin the day for the family so I decided to drink water and stay in the shade as much as I could. I didn't want to get sick so water was my drink of choice for the day. I also don't do good in the sun and the sun was shining bright this day so of course I was scared of dehydration and getting sun stroke. A smart person should have stayed inside with air conditioning on a hot day like that day but this was for my daughter and the excitment on her face I had to have fun with the family doing Thomas activities with our children. We managed to do everything in one hour because that's how small the event was so passing the time for the rest of the day was a challenge but we managed. Around 4:00pm I started feeling sick and at first I thought it was the heat so I drank more water and kept it coming. I just wanted to get through the train ride because that's why we were there to ride on Thomas. My daughter was so excited and the look on her face I couldn't go home now and it was so close to 5:00pm so resting in the shade until we could get on the train but by then it was a little too late. By the time we got on the train I was sick. The whole half hour train ride I was puking up water. I was sick and my first thought was I got sunstroke. I thought I was careful all day staying in the shade as much as I could and drank huge amounts of water all day. I finally told my hubby I needed medical attention right away. Someone called the ambulance and it was waiting for me when the train ride was over. All I remember was getting into the ambulance and that was the last thing I remember until hours later. Here is some information off of Wikipedia of water intoxication: HERE

Water intoxication (also known as hyperhydration or water poisoning) is a potentially fatal disturbance in brain functions that results when the normal balance of electrolytes in the body is pushed outside of safe limits by over-consumption of water.

My doctor said because of the heat that day and the large amount of water I drank during the day had a factor how I landed in the hospital. My kidney's couldn't process all the water I was drinking so they shut down to protect themselves from damage so in turn my brain function got messed up as to the why I don't remember anything after a certain period. I didn't know you can die from drinking too much water. Yikes!! As long as they can catch it in time Doctor's can save you and reverse the affects of the water intoxication. The first stop was at the local Hospital. I heard after the fact I got a MRI, Cat Scan and a Spinal Tap done while I was there thinking maybe I had a stroke. I was transferred to my Health care Provider's Hospital in the middle of the night and was pumped with sodium drips and other medicines to balance out my electrolytes and make sure my kidney function was stable before I could go home. I spend Sunday in the hospital and was allowed to go home on Monday. It was a scary time waking up in the hospital and not knowing what happened to me. Geez, all you hear about is being careful when it's really hot and drink lots of water so you don't get dehydrated but what they should tell people is to drink lots of water but spread it out through out the day and drink drinks like Gatorade etc.. is better. I never in a million years would have thought about having water overdose but I guess it makes sense when you can overdose on drugs and alcohol so why not water. Strange!

Well I learned my lesson and even though my daughter wasn't all that traumatized with my run to the hospital in an ambulance she did tell me in the hospital that maybe next time I shouldn't ride on Thomas. She's so cute. So I had to let her know Thomas didn't make me sick and it was an accident. We had a great time watching the children enjoy the Thomas experience and if we decide to go in 2009 I will know how to take better care of myself in the heat and what drink to have and I have to REMEMBER to space out my drinks thought out the day and eat foods with sodium in it. So next time you are out in a hot day don't drink too much water in a short period of time because drinking too much water can be fatal. Take care, Peace!

My Brain is fried!

It's one of those days where I'm walking the walk but not having any clue if anything is working upstairs in the brain of mine. Life is moving forward but I think my brain is legging behind on vacation somewhere else. I kept forgetting what day of the Month today is. I know it's the 25th now but for the life of me every time I was making my list of things to do I kept writing down the 27th. It could be Thanksgiving lands on the 27th this year so I have that date glued into my brain but I was getting my days mixed up and confusing myself. I think I need a Calendar instead of using the one on my cell phone because sometimes I don't even know the day of the week at times unless it's Friday because for one it's Friday. Maybe I just have selective hearing so to speak but with my to do list so I just forget because the list gets longer and longer and forgetting the day makes it seem like it's not a lot to do. I don't know but my to do list is giving me anxiety but it's all good. I'm hoping to have the house cleaned and ready to decorate for the Holidays by December 6th. I wanted it done by the 1st of December but the Hubby has to go to California for work for a few days. I thought he wasn't going to go but plans changed and he has to go again. He leaves next Monday. So I can't do all the decorating by myself for I will die of fatigue.

The hubby and I are taking the children to see Santa tomorrow. We were going to skip it this year because last year was scary crazy and the children didn't have a great experience with Santa. I think it was for me anyway having their picture with Santa but this year my daughter wants to go see Santa. She informed me this evening she wasn't scared anymore and wants to tell Santa want she wants this year for Christmas. I can't pass it up so Santa here we come.

Thanksgiving is on Thursday and the family is going to get together with the rest of the family to celebrate the holiday which will be fun. Don't expect to see me out and about on Friday. I stay away from all shopping and hide like a hermit on this time of the year. The crazy shoppers come out full force on this day and I want nothing to do with it.

Our family has a special animal friend staying with us. She came on Sunday morning and leaves tomorrow but to our daughters delight she comes back on Friday to stay for a week while her human parents go away to Mexico for a well deserved vacation. We babysit her every so often and she is a joy to have while she stays with us. Our daughter loves this dog and I like how she sleeps better while the dog is here then any other time. I think we may need to think about getting a dog but I don't think our cats would like us very much if we got a family dog. Our first cat is a talker and we enjoyed her chatter but when we got our second cat she stopped talking to us. She finally forgave us and then our daughter came so can you see the pattern? She finally forgave us for one more cat and two children so I think she would never forgive us if we got a puppy. I think it would be the end of her... :) She was our first kitty baby and knows her rank of things like the mother of all bosses. See above picture. She's our first princess! So having our guest is great. She stays for awhile and then goes home again. Well maybe my brain isn't all that fried just at the right times I guess.

I filled out my form for my Neurology appointment next week and they ask the craziest questions like why do you think you are seeing a Neurologist? I don't know my Doctor told me so!!! How are you supposed to answer that question? I understand asking all the basic questions and I finally have accepted the nagging of repeating myself over and over again but I understand why they do this repeat of questions every time you see someone new in the medical profession. It's crazy stupid but I understand! At one point I thought I should tape my whole medical history and what prescription drugs and vitamins I take so I wouldn't have to repeat myself over and over again. It's quite annoying and I'm starting to get used to it which is sad in itself because since the start of my first pregnancy to now I spend a large portion of my time in a Medical Office for some appointment or another. Don't get me started why I landed myself in the Hospital last June. Who ever thought you can drink too much water? I know you can because it happened to me. I think I will wait and write an entry on my medical antics and who knows maybe someone would actually come and read my blog and have some answers for me. Yikes!!! Take care, Peace!

Monkey See is Monkey Do!

Well it's been a hard week and I feel like I'm burning the candle on both ends but what can I do. I can cry and complain or I can realize I can't do anything about it and do the best I can. I shouldn't be shocked the way our society is and with free will we can say and do whatever we want as long as we're not breaking any laws, that being said I just don't understand how some people can be so mean and vindictive against people they don't even know. I'm not a professional in the matter of the way the brain works or know why people do what they do. But I do understand when it's time to shut up and mind your own business. From another site I go to regularly posted the link to the latest article online about the Gosselin's so I went because I was interested in reading it. Now online you can leave comments about the article and give your opinion. With anything you have people who approve the article and then the one's who don't. Typically surrounding any Gosselin Family related article more so Kate Gosselin you have the witch hunters following suit just so they are the first in line to write out their well thought words expressing the Greed of these people. Well if I was someone who didn't know information about these people written in the article I would want to read all the comments to get a better understanding of peoples views and thoughts on the matter. It's just me! I came to the understanding some people who left those hateful comments have far bigger issues then disliking The Gosselin Family. I would like to quote some of the comments from the not so kind people: These 2 pathetic idiots are complete liars and users. These two are lazy, uneducated welfare trash. These are a couple of lazy crooks. But, the parents are pimps. Never, those kids are going to suffer from being sold by their parents. Stupid for thinking for one minute that your readers would believe any of it. It is time to send these scam artists back where they came from and give those poor children some peace. What is it with you media shills and your continued fascination/adoration with these two lazy frauds? Give me a break! This woman is a bozo and claiming she shows how it is done is so laughable. I think the Gosselins are the laziest creatures on the planet and live only for freebies. These were some parts of comments from the new article of Redbook: Here I don't know about you but I don't understand how people can be so wrapped up in spewing such hatred and it sounds more like jealousy and a malicious witch hunt to bring down a family they don't even know with only information off a hate site from gossip and hearsay spread by people online who only want to watch a family crash and burn. They are trying to get their voice heard by spreading more lies and innuendo all are under the pretense of calling it child advocacy for the love of the children. I don't see love here for any child. How is it love to hurt and slander the parents at the same time trying your best to protect those children? How is that considered helping? More sounds like you haters need some professional help to figure out why you are so hostel and angry. Comments like that just makes you sound ignorant and crazy!! JMO GosselinsWithOutPity: Here or short "GWOP": urban slang (A slang term for currency that exists among street level hoods. Generally, many small bills folded together to give the appearance of a larger amount of money than it usually is.) Funny how things really appear and going to this site of the so called "Child Advocates" you may want to be worried just the fact these people are serious if you can manage going through the hundreds of comments with "Anon poster" you wonder how many are actually posting or it just looks like a mass of persons are posting. Seems fishy but some people enjoy this kind of life! Who's for me to judge? :) I don't know the Gosselin's from the show Jon and Kate plus 8 on the TLC channel. I just know they are a family who agreed to do a Reality TV show surrounding their family good, bad and the ugly. From watching the show you are seeing a glimpse into their lives and they go on all expensive paid trips for the understanding its free advertisement for the resort. They have corporations giving them merchandise for free advertisement during their show. They make a Salary doing the Reality TV show and get perks and it's part of the business. I couldn't tell you if the rumor's are true or not because I don't know Jon and Kate. Do I want to believe the rumor's are true and accept the fact these parents are the pit of evil?, no I can't. We all see what we want to see and sometimes life isn't fair. I'm not in the business to hurt a families success in the manner of slander. That's the one thing about TV and if you don't like something you are watching all you can do is turn the channel. Simple as that or if you can't control yourself and have to watch but still think you have to save the Gosselin Children then go and get a Bill passed to protect children in Reality TV shows and grow up! Okay I'm tired now and whatever happens with this family I wish them the best! Take care, Peace!

Christmas!

I can't believe I'm talking about the up and coming Holidays. It's not Thanksgiving yet here in the states but the daughter is watching all the toy commericals and I have to hear everything she wants and at the same time I have to let her know in our family we don't have a free for all of how many presents she's going to get. I want to keep to the meaning of what our beliefs are in our home. Christmas is about giving, sharing and being with family. When my daughter was a baby my hubby and I decided to do a new tradition and go buy toys for children who wouldn't have a gift under the tree. She was 8 months old and I thought she was going to scream when she saw the Marines in front of ToysRus but she didn't and handed over the toys we picked out. She enjoyed it and we've been doing it every year since. I kind of look forward to it every year and the daughter had a blast last season and for a girl her age she understood the toys she was picking out were not for her and handed over the toys with grace. It made me think I am doing something right as a mother. Now each child had there first Christmas and this season won't be ridiculous with gifts like last year as seen in the picture above. Last season was crazy with presents in our home because of the son's first Christmas so with a new year we are going back to simple like we planned before having children. I think the meaning what Christmas is about gets lost in receiving the latest "IT" toy and not the understanding that some people can't afford to feed their families. My hubby and I are blessed to have a nice home with food on our plates so knowing we are helping not only at Christmas but year round the meaning of giving without receiving something back is important to teach our children they are not the only children in the world and to appreciate what they have and not what they think they should have. We will have a great Christmas and hope all who celebrates do also.. Take Care,Peace!

Music is good Therapy!

Wow, Three entries today and where do I find the time for this? :) Okay, the kids are taking there nap time so as a mother I do have time to ponder my life and guess what? I'm listening to music. Who wouldn't guess that? I love Project Playlist :http://www.playlist.com/?home=a I wouldn't call myself computer savvy but this website makes it so easy to download music and up load it to any website of your choice where your music player is on. I have two music players one here and the other one is on my facebook account. It's so easy to add more songs to your player. Pick your song and Bam it's on your player and you don't even need to update or copy and paste to add your songs. My idea of easy. Most of my songs on my blog are inspiring to me or a song with some great memory of mine like the last one I just up loaded "Somewhere out there". Years ago when I was just 14 years old my sister and I sang this song which was recorded in one of those music booths at Great America in San Jose, California one summer visiting our Grandparents. I love this song and it gives me some pleasure that life is special with great memories. I hang on to these memories because life can be cruel and heartless but these are memories no one can take away. It's a time to feel alive and remember their are times when the happiness shines through. I love singing and I may not be good but who cares really. It's not like I'm on some stage trying to win some votes but singing in my own home having a good time. I'm a musically driven' person with passion for sappy music. Okay I like other music besides sappy..okay 95% sappy and the other 5% whatever they play on the radio. I like the message behind the songs and it's why a lot of the songs I love have strong meaning to me. I may like a song because of the beat but most of the time it's what's being sung in the story of the music. I like to be inspired and most of the songs on my music player gives motivation for hope, love and happiness. We all have feelings and sometimes good, bad and indifferent and my sense of peace is expressing my life with music. So if you want to listen to my songs I find give me inner peace I put them on here for you to enjoy also. They may not be music you may listen to but it never hurts to try something new. Enjoy!

Inner Thoughts!

Disclaimer: Adult content and read with your own discretion! I decided to do this entry because it's important for me to write about Child Abuse and now it can change someone so personally who has gone through it including me. I think it's important to put a face to the inner struggles of what happens when a child is verbally and emotionally abused. I just want to write about the feelings behind Child Abuse and how secretive it can be for someone who is going through it. It's shameful not wanting people to know you were abused like thinking people will think you are a weak person or scared someone will not believe you or because you are so torn down you just don't want to talk about it. Whatever the reasons people keep it private is there own inner struggles. I'm in a place right now I can talk about it and share with anyone who reads this how hard and painful child abuse is and I'll like to express my thoughts on the matter. My parents betrayed me. Simple as that! They manipulated my sense of self worth. They put expectations on me beyond my capacity. Bruises to the body fade a way but bruises to the heart last a lifetime. My parents abuse set me up to become trapped in the viscous cycle of shame, suffering and self-abuse. The mental anguish I feel on a daily basis because of how I was treated is heart breaking. They always put their needs before mine. They never listened to my needs or wants. They never took responsibility for hurting me the way they did. I felt trapped and I couldn’t even fight back because they kept me vulnerable by diminishing my feelings. They were controlling, manipulative and because of that my heart was destroyed. If someone says they love you, you should feel like they love you! What a concept! Obvious, like "Duh" of course it should. I don’t feel like my parents ever loved me in the sense of what love is. They squeezed my heart to the point I couldn’t breath. I felt pressured to be someone I wasn’t. They made me so confused of what they were trying to teach me. I was uncomfortable, nervous and kept watching what I did or say around them. It was like walking on eggshells all the time living in there home. I didn’t feel alive like I was some object they could use whenever they wanted. I only let people see what I want them to see. I have a very hard time letting people know how I feel in the moment because I was never taught those lessons in life. I’ve been trying to teach myself to say what I really mean when I’m in my most desperate state of mind. When I get my feelings hurt today I have a hard time expressing how I feel and I can’t get the words out. I was never allowed to do that as a teenager. I got angry, shame of me. If I was hurting I kept it to myself. The pain I’m feeling so deep down inside, it just hurts when I even try to get down to the middle of it. Here is a poem I wrote back in 2004. When I can't express my feelings with a voice I write out the words on paper to give me a better understanding what I have to work on and what needs to be put to rest. We all have our life paths. I've gone through a lot and I'm happy to say my outcome turned out great with hard work, dedication and love in my life not only love from others but from learning to love myself in the process of healing my heart.

Desperation By DEW The undying pain inside of me wants to be hidden forever It’s too great and all I can say is "Whatever!" I feel like I’m dying inside although I act so strong on the outside I gave my heart and soul to be touched by love even losing some of my pride I’m living somewhere between full of dreams and dreadful hell I wish the pain would cave in itself inside of me and kill that part as well The blood so fresh and the cut so real Only others that hurt like me only know how I really feel You can never understand the pain within Until you understand where I have been I don’t know how to escape these feelings inside. I look around as I run but there is no place to hide. The risks and chances I have taken. Time and again I have been mistaken. What is this place of anger and fear? What freedom of expression do I have but these tears? I’m the one feeling the hurt behind close doors Agony spoken without words and these are my trophies from past wars. Each shred of hope gets lost in all or nothingness. Pain that follows erases each hint of happiness. Losing my innocent so early by the big boss Nobody knows that I’m just a little girl lost Somebody shoot me and put me out of my misery I will even go out and buy all the artillery I can’t seem to get out of my despair I don’t like feeling like this, it’s bothering me I swear I don’t want to feel more pain than the one I feel within That’s why I work so hard to be so very thin I’m so tired, really tired, and I’m out of breath Striving to be thin will only end me by death.

Who could ever believe I wrote that shit but I did and it can be hard to read and sometimes I can’t believe it all came out of me. Sometimes I don't cry anymore but most times I'm still that child of pain. Don't get me wrong and it still hurts even though its been years and at times the tears are in my throat wanting to come out. I hope I expressed my thoughts and people can understand them. It’s difficult to write out your feelings and to use the right words on what you want to say but I think I did it. I’m not saying at the end of the poem I want to die in the literal sense but more of like an expression. No matter how painful child abuse is and how destructive and mentally frustrating it is we all can do our part and be there for someone who needs a hand to reach out too. Anyone who is struggling to put there life back together after Child Abuse should know I care and I'll listen! Here is my hand and all you have to do is take it! Take care, Peace!

Imagination Movers!

Anyone with children probably have come across this show on the Disney channel the Imagination Movers. At first I was thinking not another show going to make me lose brain cells but after watching this show with my daughter who loves this show and never misses it at 10:00am every morning and after some crying and tantrums I decided to give my thumbs up and give it a shout out on behalf of my daughter seeing how this show is her favorite of all time.

From there website: http://www.imaginationmovers.com/website/

What would happen if the Beastie Boys collaborated with Mr. Rogers?

The answer is found on the Imagination Movers' critically acclaimed CDs “Calling All Movers,” “Good Ideas” and "Eight Feet" and the DVD “Stir It Up.”The Movers sing about messy rooms, healthy snacks, sibling rivalry and other topics that relate to being a little kid. Their musical style, however, would sound right at home on a weekly MTV countdown.The Movers – Rich, Scott, Dave and Smitty -- began in New Orleans in 2003 and now are fast-rising stars on the national kids music scene thanks to their combination of radio-friendly songs, kid-friendly themes and dynamic live shows. In concert, the Movers teach high-energy dances, play games with the audience and make music on their one-of-a-kind trashcan drumset. Kids and parents help perform new kids classics like “Shakable You,” “The Medicine Song,” “What’s in the Fridge?” and “I Want My Mommy (Time for Bed).”The Movers are a big hit on XM Kids national satellite radio, where they have launched three songs to the top of the charts. They have also won a total of 14 national music awards and were named a “Parenting Pick” by Parenting Magazine in May 2005. An ongoing tour of U.S. cities creates new Movers fans (affectionately known as “Gearheads”) in the wake of every show.In September 2008, Disney Channel debuted a new television series featuring Rich, Scott, Dave and Smitty as blue-collar brainstormers working hard to solve “idea emergencies” in their Idea Warehouse, a clearinghouse of infinite inspirations. Through songs, stories and skits, Imagination Movers moves kids to exercise their bodies and brains.Movers audio and video encourages kids to “reach high, think big, work hard and have fun!” The Movers themselves are leading by example as they captivate new fans daily with their winning sound and style.

Meet the Movers: Mover Rich is the Movers’ multi-instrumentalist and the man behind the controls in the recording studio. Originally from the Washington, D.C. area, Collins relocated to New Orleans in the early 1990s to form the rock group Dubly. The Movers’ unique “junk” drum set is a hybrid of the setups used by street performers in D.C. and New Orleans. Collins is married with five children. In the Idea Warehouse, Rich’s drum sticks double as "Scribble Sticks," which can be used to draw pictures and words right on the TV screen. Mover Scott is an award-winning elementary school teacher, Durbin first dreamed up the idea for "Imagination Movers" in 2003. Inspired by Mr. Rogers and Captain Kangaroo, Durbin's goal is to bring strong male role models to children's programming. The son of a military chaplain, Durbin grew up all over the world, including Thailand, Washington, D.C. and San Antonio, before his family settled in New Orleans when he was in second grade. He continued to travel throughout high school and college, studying abroad in both Japan and Denmark. The mandolin playing Durbin credits these adventures with giving him the ability to see things from a variety of perspectives, a trait he brings to the series through his characteristic "Wobble Goggles."Prior to the Movers, Durbin was an award-winning teacher, earning the New Teacher of the Year award from Isidore Newman School and a Teacher of the Year award from the St. Charles Parish public school district. He received an undergraduate degree in religious studies from Centenary College of Louisiana, and a graduate teaching certificate from the University of New Orleans. Durbin's interest in music stems from his childhood and the time he spent as the front man for various alternative bands throughout the 80's and 90's.Mover Scott is married with two wonderful kids. Mover Dave is an architect by trade, Poche was part of the design team for the New Orleans Saints practice facilities and also designed various New Orleans-based banks, office buildings and hotels. He most recently worked on several designs that are part of the post-Katrina rebuild efforts. As 'Imagination Mover Dave,' Poche is the Movers' "jack-of-all-trades," using his red gadget hat as a storage device for a variety of objects, many of which he uses to make his cool gizmos and contraptions. Poche is also responsible for creating the concept of the Warehouse Mouse puppet, a mainstay in the series. An active father, he has taken time from his busy schedule to serve as a Cub Scout den leader as well a coach for his children’s T-ball, basketball and soccer teams.While he has no formal theatrical or musical training, Poche did fiddle with the bass briefly in college and has a colorful performance background that includes a stint as a stand-up comic. Like his fellow Movers, he is inspired by 1980s and '90s rock, pop and alternative music and by his front-lines experience dealing with his children's sleepless nights, messy playrooms and other growing pains. Originally from Baton Rouge, Poche received his degree from Louisiana State University and moved to his wife's hometown of New Orleans 13 years ago. Despite losing their home to Hurricane Katrina, the couple has returned to the New Orleans area where they currently reside with their two young children. Mover Smitty, a New Orleans firefighter, has spent the past five years as part of Engine 7 on Basin Street and was a part of the Hurricane Katrina search-and-rescue effort. While he was the only Mover not to lose his home to the storm, his firehouse was destroyed and continues to operate out of a trailer.Guitarist Smith is the adventurous outdoorsman of the group; growing up in Southern Louisiana, he hunted and fished every weekend as a child, and continues to do so in his spare time. He's also an avid hiker and enjoys exploring America's National Parks. Smith brings his outdoor experiences to the group by blowing duck and goose calls on some of the band’s songs, including "I Heard That."An English Literature graduate of the University of New Orleans, Smith's given Mover prop is his trusty journal, which represents his Indiana Jones-like scholarly personality and is used as a resource when the Movers are trying to solve a problem. A New Orleans native, Smith resides in the city with his wife and two dogs. With a group of guys who sing, dance and who teach my children to learn to solve problems at the same time having a great time is a show I enjoy my children to watch. It amazes me how I enjoy watching this show with them in the morning. I love how my daughter gets up and dances and tries to sing the songs. It's great to know there are still shows out there to teach your children about good behaviour at the same time having a great time. Thanks Imagination Movers!

Expressions of my blog!

Well I made it through this part of the day trying to make my house cleaning work for me. The kids were in my face most of the day when I've been trying to get things done but that's how kids work. They know when it's time to get in your face at the wrong time. I don't like housework so getting them involved and turning it into something they think is fun not realizing how not fun housework really is helps me. Now I'm tired and over stressed but I had a good friend stop by and we had our weekly bible study which helps me and that's a good thing. Even though we both have different religious views I like learning and I like her as a person. I'm starting to like this blog and at first when I decided to start this blog I figured I would jump right in and start writing whatever comes to my mind. Now I try to figure out what I want to write about but most of the time I'm just flying on the seat of my pants because the outcome never turns out the way I planned. At first, I didn't want to disclose private information but then I was like... this isn't me. I'm a very emotionally driven person and most of the things I talk about are about what I've experienced and what my thoughts are about situations I've come across. In my creative writing class in High School the teacher said write what your know so that's where I get all my writing material from. I'm not ashamed to express my thoughts and my private struggles because unless you are not human everyone at one time had inner struggles. I'm just a little more open with my struggles and everyday life experiences. I'm actually a very shy person until you get to know me and then I can't stop talking. It's weird how shy I am and I don't like social situations because I'm very uncomfortable and feel so awkward but hey this is my hang up I'm working on. I know talking how shy I am and then I have a public blog discussing my most private information doesn't make sense but I like writing and if it helps me help someone else or gives someone some funny or not so funny reading then I'm doing something right....I think! I think I enjoy other peoples blogs because you get that inner voice you wouldn't get from talking face to face. It's like this blog is my way to express myself without having to talk to someone face to face. I have no problem talking about private situations with someone if they ask me and I'm happy to talk about it but it's not like what I write is what people chat in social situations and that's why I typically don't talk about it. I'm very open to my life even though I am shy. After reading what I'm writing talking about being shy and now I'm not really sure if I'm shy at all. Okay, I'm not shy anymore but I can think it. :) I think I'm realizing with all my life struggles and what I've been through in my life I'm come to understand people more and have compassion for people I wouldn't have if I didn't experience certain traumatic events in my life. I wouldn't call myself a victim but a survivor of child abuse. At the time of the abuse I thought it was the worst in the world and going through the emotions of why could this happen to me?, what have I done to deserve this? and your life keeps moving on and you're left like the forgotten trash but people have choices and I made the choice after self abuse and destruction to say I don't want to live like this anymore so I started taking responsibility for me and changed the way I saw the world. No victim here! It took me years to figure this out and it's not like my life transformation happened over night. I work on my struggles every day in some way like making sure I keep on the right path with my Eating Disorder or making sure I do right with my children. I'm evolving and changing every day and for me I hope for the better. Sometimes I'm a little to hard on myself and judge myself to hard but I'm working on this part of myself. I can be my own worst enemy sometimes and with the help of my psychologist from California has given me tools to help me over come some of these short comings I consider a pain in my butt. Which reminds me sometime I will need to get another psychologist here in Oregon but right now it's not on the top of my list of to do so maybe in the Spring or when the hubby thinks I'm getting a little crazy..lol. Like my psychologist would tell me "The only control you have are the choices you make", my motto in life! Stick it, live by it and pass it on!!!!!

Life moves on!

Well I guess this is a new day. FRIDAY! I love Fridays because tonight is Scifi night starting off with Stargate Atlantis (with some Flanigan) and then Sanctuary. Oh I found my book I was looking for yesterday. I actually found it last night while I was taking the zillion drugs and vitamins I take on a daily basis and just happened to look up one shelf and sure enough there it was above all my drugs. I was like huh... why would I put it there seeing how I only keep all my drugs here? I don't even want to think why I would put a book there but anyway I found it. Thanksgiving is coming up and spending with the Hubby's family will be fun and don't get me started on Christmas. My hubby thought he would have to fly down to Mountain View, California in the beginning of December for meetings and such but found out this morning he won't have to go which is a good thing for me because I have my Neurology appointment on the 4th of December and I need him for this appointment to hold my hand. I'm getting used to all the testing and all the Doctor appointments but I still act like a baby and need his support for all my appointments. So far it's been frustrating doing a test..waiting..then finding out the test is normal. I should be happy I'm normal..right!! but it doesn't help when I have symptoms that something isn't right. It's not right when I have seizure like spells and can't be out long thinking I'm going to faint every 5 seconds so I'm definitely not normal. I don't want to have a relationship with the ER and I have been there twice in September and it's not fun. Something is going on with me so hopefully time will tell and I get results soon why I'm the way I am. I can't accept this to be my way of life. I can't have my daughter worry about me because she shouldn't have to at the age of 3. I should be worried for her because I'm the mother here. I have good days and sometimes I struggle. I'm not trying to feel sorry for myself because it doesn't help the situation any. My children need a mother in good spirits and there is a time and place when I need a good cry just to relieve some of the burden. Being sick isn't fun and sometimes I really do think it's all in my head so I do things I would do normally before I got sick and then my body goes.. hey what's up? and then I used up my energy for the day. It's not fun having no energy and some days I don't know how I managed to get through the day. I actually know how I manage from learning at a young age to survive internally and have the inner strength to make it one day at a time. I use my inner strength to get me throught the day. Some days are easy to do the basic things like taking care of the children but other days I need that extra push and then I remember the Poem "Footprints" and I make it until the hubby gets off work. We make it work right now because we don't have the control so there is nothing we can do. All I can do is for me to take care of me like taking my drugs and getting my blood tests done once a month and go to my various Doctor appointments. Life moves on and sometime it may not be what we want or the outcome to be what we want but you work what you got. Right now, I'm struggling to function and it sucks but that's what I have to work with right now and I have to accept it until Doctor's get that light bulb moment and figure out what's up with my health! Take care, Peace!

Waiting!

I don't understand how I managed to write two entries in one day but here I am writing again. Oh so lucky! While I'm pondering the meaning of life while my children are in there rooms taking a nap or quiet time which ever fits them I'm sitting here watching a re-run of Seventh Heaven listening to some music because that's what I do is listen to music when I have time to myself when nothing suits my boredom like cleaning the house, doing the dishes or laundry so listening to music and trying to sing is my idea of some fun. I realized all I do is wait for things to happen like waiting for my Doctor's to figure out why I'm anemic or waiting until a favorite show is coming up or for the weekend to come so the family can spend the two days to hang out together. Why is waiting a bad thing or maybe it isn't? Whatever the reason I like to wait is up for grabs if someone wants to analyze my situation. Oh I still didn't find the book yet and maybe someday it will show up and then be reminded why I put it there in the first place like not letting the children get a hold of it because believe me my children like to murder books by eating them and ripping them to shreds then using books for what they are meant for..reading. I have to give them some slack for being 3 and 1 but I'm sure I put that book in a place where the children couldn't get there grubby little hands on to ruin my precious book ...lol seriously... okay but in the mean time I don't remember where this safe spot is or I would have found the book already. I joined Twitter and I haven't figured out the premise of this widget yet but maybe when I start using it more often I'll figure out why it's so fun or maybe I may drop it...time will tell. Back to music.. I'm listening to a Pink song and something popped into my head when my BFF and I would hang in her room singing on the top of our lungs and this one night we were singing the American anthem and just as we were done we heard someone outside started singing the Canadian anthem. I had to laugh at that memory. I have so many like that. It's weird that a lot of my good memories surround music. Huh...I wonder what that's says about me? Areosmith is another group I like listening to. Right now I'm listening to the song "I don't want to miss a thing" from the movie Armageddon. I love that movie and it doesn't have to do with Ben Affleck or anything (wink). Okay it does but I just like the whole story and it's a great movie. Anyway the song Aerosmith sings for that movie is one of my favorite songs since the hubby and I got together. I claimed it as our song so every time I listen to this song I get all sentimental for some reason. Other than being forgetful and brain dead today my day is going fairly great. I only had to break up one fight between the kids this morning which means a good day. I swear they love to hate each other so when they are getting along I try to snap a picture of this kindness because they tend to not behave well together. The daughter likes to tease her little brother and he likes to poke her eyes out. Sigh.. so saying this is a good day I mean it. I do like when the daughter gets upset when her little brother gets hurts when she didn't conflict the pain so at least I know she has some compassion towards her brother. This coming from a 2 year old wanting us to give her little brother to the neighbours when he was 2 months old..lol I like when her first comment after he hurts himself is "I didn't do it" to comforting him. Makes my heart melt until a few minutes later she body slams him to the floor for taking one of her Thomas the Tank engine toys. I can only hope this is a faze and they really do love each other. I'll have to wait and see :) Take care, Peace!

I think I'm in the Bermuda Triangle!

It's been quite a morning in my household. Neither I have lost my mind or I'm not as organized as I thought which in my world of me I think I'm really organized trying to make my life a little easier knowing if I want to find something I know where in the house to get it and then again I think I lost my mind along time ago so the first suggestion doesn't work in this situation well anyway the little one's needed their toe nails cut this morning and as much as I hate to do this with the scream on the top of your lungs and having to wrestle with children who are stronger than you isn't my idea of a great time. I went to get the clippers and I couldn't find them like they just vanished into thin air. I was thinking what's up with that? I remember having them yesterday because I used them yesterday and put them back where I keep them on our mantel in the kids baby basket with all the other baby needs and sure enough they are not in there after I dumped everything on the floor to rummage through everything and nope, they were not in there so I had to put everything back in the basket before the little finger snatchers decided to grab something and take off with it. So I was thinking where in the house could they be and they are gone and I'm sure the kids like that idea not having to get their nails cut today. Then there was this book I bought awhile back and decided it was time to start reading it because the children were having a great time playing by themselves and here I was getting a little bored so I went up to my bedroom to grab the book and it wasn't in the pile of books I have beside the bed. I was thinking that is strange because I put every book I buy there so then I was thinking maybe the cats knocked it under the bed seeing how the cats have super human strength and batted the book under the bed. Well I don't think they did that but who knows.. maybe..okay it's far fetched but I thought about it. I looked under the bed and all I found under the bed was a huge hair dust ball and a quarter and no book. So I went downstairs and looked into the pile of mail that's been collecting for months on my workstation because I'm to lazy to do anything with it but collect dust and stare at it until I just walk away not wanting to deal with the pile of mail and thinking it must be there seeing how everything else in the house gets piled in that spot but no book. I am bummed because the book seemed interesting. The book is Running with Scissors if you must know. Then I was thinking maybe I didn't even buy the book so turning my house upside down is a waste of time if I didn't buy the book and now I feel like I have to clean out the mail and get rid of all it and having to organize it isn't my idea of fun. I was just hoping if I didn't think about the pile of mail it would go away like the saying "out of sight out of mind" and more like for me "don't think about it and it will go away". Then it was time for lunch so looking for the book went on the side burner for awhile but I was still trying to remember if I even bought the book and then I remembered buying the book a few weeks before Halloween from Target so at least I'm not that insane but it still doesn't help me find the book in my house and where can the book be? It's not like we have this huge mansion with a zillion rooms so it has to be somewhere. It has to be somewhere! Geez, it's only a book and it vanished into thin air with everything else when you need to use it. Sometimes this is the story of my life. Now I'm bothered because I just am. sigh!!!!!

Remembrance Day!

Remembrance Day a Canadian Holiday and is a day to commemorate the sacrifices of members of the armed forces and of civilians in times of war. (also known as Poppy Day, Armistice Day or Veterans Day) In Flanders Fields In Flanders fields the poppies blow Between the crosses, row on row, That mark our place; and in the sky The larks, still bravely singing, fly Scarce heard amid the guns below. We are the dead. Short days ago We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow, Loved, and were loved, and now we lie In Flanders fields. Take up our quarrel with the foe: To you from failing hands we throw The torch; be yours to hold it high. If ye break faith with us who die We shall not sleep, though poppies grow In Flanders fields. — Lt.-Col. John McCrae A Canadian physician and Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae wrote it on May 3, 1915 during the First World War. Flanders is a geographical region located in parts of present day Belgium, France, and the Netherlands. The poppies referred to in the poem grew in profusion in Flanders where war casualties had been buried and thus became a symbol of Remembrance Day. I will always remember you this day November 11th. Thank you and God bless!

Talking about Eating is not my idea of fun!

Talking about my eating isn't my idea of something I like to discuss but this morning I need too. I ended my long relationship to a Eating Disorder online group this morning. I don't go on a daily basis but when times of struggle I go to read peoples posts and I try to remind myself why it's so important to me to keep battling my quest of a better life for me and my family. It's a daily struggle and it's hard but you work your program the best way you can and get by each day knowing you are doing the best you can. This morning I was feeling a little anxiety for the up in coming Thanksgiving dinner because one of the hang ups I have is eating in front of people. I don't feel comfortable about it and I know it sounds silly but I do so I wanted to work out my situation before I spiral out of control and do something stupid. So this morning I decided to go and get support. I find being around strangers with similar struggles as me and I feel like I'm not alone with my thoughts. Well I decided to this morning I'm not going to be apart of this Eating Disorder group anymore. I am very sad by this because I know in the past it has given me strength to say not today. This disease isn't going to win today! Well I went to the group and sure enough their was a discussion on this very topic and I was thinking wow this is right up my alley so I started reading some posts and felt like my help group turned into a pro eating disorder group. I felt heart broken so I wrote to the admin and she wrote me back saying the members in the group can talk about whatever they choose and if I didn't like it I could leave. I've been apart of this group for 8 years now and I'm tired right now and let down. I feel like my hope just went out the window but as much as I'm feeling so out of control right now I know I need to find another group so I can keep moving forward. It breaks my heart feeling like I don't have support when I need it like I'm all alone here trying to make my recovery work. I know right now I'm doing the best I can but it was always comforting knowing when I needed that extra push to put my head in the right direction I knew I had somewhere to go and this morning wasn't the case. I'm left in limbo feeling like I was failed this morning by a group I thought was on my side and strangers helping strangers getting support for a disease that wants to keep you in a dark destructive place in your head and then come to find out my sanctuary is over run by the very disease that this group was trying to fight against. I'm blue this morning. I may be down today but I'll find my inner strength to get me through this hard day. I will have to learn not only can I do this today but sometimes I may not get the support I need and learn to deal with my eating disorder without the help once in awhile but I do need to find another group. So many out there and I hope I find one I feel comfortable joining. Take care, Peace!

Good chat and learning about life!

The hubby and I had a great talk last night talking about how I've been so blue in the past recent days. I was bothered and I couldn't make sense of my heartache surrounding my religion and the way I was feeling attacked. I love my relationship with my hubby and I can count on him for comfort knowing what I'm saying isn't foolish. He cares for me and we will talk until I have some peace in my heart. We stayed up way to late but it was all worth it. I did some reading today and to my amazement I'm feeling much better in my world called faith. I typically don't talk about my faith because it's private to me and my relationship with God is my personal business. My faith in religion is only a part of who I am as a whole. I strive to be the best I can and I constantly am wanting to learn more. I don't try to think I know everything and that's why I feel I need to understand everything around me. I want to understand the way someone else perceives the world from their point of view for maybe they may say something I didn't know or say something from a point of view that makes sense also. I strive on the fact I don't know much and it gives me the challenge to learn, read and educate myself on issues, world views and understanding I'm just one person in this world of many of strong individuals who are different and who have a lot to talk about. I wouldn't call myself smart but I do feel my struggles in my life up until a few years ago have gave me the stepping stone to know about forgiveness and the power of prayer. I really never called myself religious growing up or even felt like I had any sort of faith really. I learned to grow as a person because I know I need strength in something stronger than I am and to believe God will guide me during my struggles if I ask him for help. Life will be good as long as I believe. Take care, Peace!

My heart is breaking!

I've been really bothered lately and I feel my faith has been rung through the ringer as discriminating against a group of individuals. I'm having a hard time figuring out why I feel like I'm being attacked because how I live my life through my religion. No one personally told me to my face my religion is discriminating against gay marriage. I've heard about Proposition 8 in California and with Gay rights groups wanting to change the meaning of marriage under the Constitution. My religious views are being affected and the way I live my life through the Scriptures is not something to be ashamed about. I'm not ashamed for being Christian but I'm hurt right now for feeling like something is wrong with me for believing in something bigger than I am. California Proposition 8: Ban on Gay Marriage. This measure would amend the state constitution to specify that only marriages between one man and one woman would be recognized as valid in the state. This measure would amend the state constitution to specify that only marriages between one man and one woman would be recognized as valid in the state. I don't feel all that great when a group of individuals feel I'm a bigot or I'm discriminating against a minority group of people because of how they choose to live their lives. Same sex couples should have the same civil rights as me under the laws of the Government but I can't condone what is sacred and a divine institution of marriage under my religion to change because they feel it's discrimination to their civil right to marry in a traditional marriage stated by the scriptures in my bible. Sure same sex couples who are committed to each other and want to spend the rest of there lives together should have the same fundamental rights as a couple the Government recognizes as legal. I don't think it's fair my religion should be in question and changed to suit same sex couples to marry under what my religion states in the scriptures. I am all for accepting civil marriages with same sex couples legalized under the Government but not legalized in a religion. In saying this the Government should also protect the rights of people who practice religion and not have people call fowl with discrimination against a institution that's been practicing for thousand of years and to force Religious Leaders to marry a same sex couple. My civil rights are being infringed because in my heart my religion is being questioned as in the wrong here and upon saying that I feel attacked for it. In my personal life I do not discriminate against anyone. With in my Christian faith I'm not in the place to judge how someone else wants to live their life so I feel I shouldn't be discriminated against for choosing to believe in a religion and live my life accordingly. It pains my heart when people feel discriminated against because they live their lives differently then how the government perceives as the normal traditional family. We are all unique and should be able to live our own lives the way we feel is right in our hearts. A sex same couple should be able to adopt children and be protected as a union recognized by the Government. I may have burned some bridges in my life for writing on this issue. I even may be looked upon as ignorant and uninformed but this is how I feel. I could even be talking out of my butt for not really knowing the whole issue on Proposition 8. I'm learning about this very issue. I don't like feeling this way with a heavy heart and I want people to know I understand your pain and how hard it is to fight so hard for what you believe is wrong in this Country. I want to understand and listen and even though I believe in my Christian faith doesn't make me closed minded but more open minded for change against discrimination of civil and human rights. I care deeply and I too want everyone in this Country to have equal protection under the law so we can grow as a society of unique individuals. God Bless!

Please do not lose focus and believe!

The Election is now done and yesterday was obviously an extraordinary step towards a difference for this country. This Country has been through along journey and in saying this I hope the American people are still vigilant during the Presidential transition. In times of transition there is always danger and a risk of vulnerability because people are distracted. I hope we never have a terror attack on USA soil ever again and we should make sure we are still focused on the security of this country. I hope people will recognize the human reality that in a changing environment we should be extra careful to make sure we don't lose focus on homeland security. Many Americans are expecting big things from the 44th President Obama who ran a strong campaign and in my opinion cannot bail this country out not because I don't believe in him because his change lacks power as in where the money will come for all of this change. What is "Change"? To me change is a balance of power. To affect change people will have to give before they can take. This Country has spoken for a change and will it be for the better or for the worst? I will wait and see if what this elect President will do. You can say one thing but when it comes down to it can you actually affect change? Yes, but it will not take one year but many. Expectations are high and the stakes are high but remember time will tell. This country is in a hard fight in the coming years but not because we can't do it but are we ready to fight for change for the long haul? So when this Country opens there celebratory eyes in a few years and things haven't changed the way you thought and when your expectations are shattered because the change didn't happen quick enough don't come complaining. The reality of overstating the problems and challenges President Obama needs to prepare the Country for years of tough times because if he doesn't think the American people know his affecting change doesn't happen over night. We have to look at the big picture for the future children in this country because they will be the ones who will see the change and not us in his 4 years term. This new Government will have to assume the responsibility for a credit crisis, a banking collapse and an unstable stock market. Many Americans are expecting big things from the new elect President Obama while facing diving economy where Americans are trying to buy a home, find the money to pay for college or who are planning for retirement. Elect President Obama promised tax cuts for working families, affordable and expanded health care and a withdrawal from Iraq while enforcing more troops in Afghanistan while trying to save billions of dollars for the American people. Change will come and life will move on but if you think one man will be the one to change I'm sorry it will not happen. He's the stepping stone for change, hope and a better life for our children in this Country. To do this the American public will have to keep a very close watch on what our elected Government is doing with the American way of life. Do not give up on this Country because the change wasn't quick enough. I may not have given my vote for Obama but I'm realistic in the change he's asking for and this change will not happen in 4 years or 8 years but will take longer. The USA Government will have to step up and do the job for Change. Think wise and take care!

Change has come to America!

I guess you would think this was a historic election if you want to see it this way. I don't care if Obama is an African American. To me he's an American, a citizen of the United States of America who became the next President of the United States of America. I thank this country for going out and voting and getting your voice heard. I congratulate Sen. Obama for winning and hope he will do what he says he'll do and affect change for the better for this country. I hope he means what he preaches and does what he promises. I graciously will respect Sen.Obama as my next President. Some quotes from our 44th Elect President: It's been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this date in this election at this defining moment change has come to America. It's the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled. Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been just a collection of individuals or a collection of red states and blue states. We are, and always will be, the United States of America. It can't happen without you, without a new spirit of service, a new spirit of sacrifice. So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism, of responsibility, where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves but each other. While I was watching Obama's speech on TV listening to our new "Change" I did noticed how his speech sounded like all of the cheesy Hollywood President speeches. I was waiting for us to get invaded by Aliens and how his speech hijacked spoken words from already famous past Presidents and famous people. He should fire his speech writer because that person watches way to many movies because I know. I know because I watch way to many movies especially movies that have cheesy President speeches in them that sounded a lot like Obama's speech tonight. It made me laugh. If you want to believe his speech and think this Country is going towards the better in "change" that's great for you. I like the wait and see approach. Turning this country into a Socialist Country is your thing then I'm happy for you but maybe I'm just selfish. I expect to keep my money I worked hard for and if you need help I'll help you but not when the Government forces me to sacrifice my hard earned money for you especially those that don't work hard at all. If you work hard and still need my help than I will help you. I don't think the USA Government should tell us how to share our OWN wealth. Spread the wealth..are you talking to me? So I guess I'll just move in with you Sen. Obama in your nice house or maybe I'll move into Oprah's Montecito, CA home. Maybe living in a Socialist Country isn't that bad. Sharing the wealth with all those Celebrities will be fun. Sen.Obama must validate the hope and deliver the change he promised. Sen. Obama already changed America by becoming the first black man to win the White House if you want to look at it this way. His challenge is to change the course of its Government and guide this Country through hard times and to get us past the financial crisis he inherits as he takes office in January 2009. I wish him the best. I pray for him and his family. I pray for the Senate and House of Repesentative to make the right decisions and pass the right bills to help us little folk and hope our taxes don't go up too much so we can suceed in our own growth as a Country. God bless America! Take care, Peace!!

Election 2008

Tomorrow is the big day in the USA to see who will become the next President of the United States of America. I'm counting down to when it's over. My head hurts from watching and hearing all the negativity going down around this election. At this point I could care less and that's a shame because having a voice is important whatever your views and opinions are. I just hope the voting American public vote what is right for this Country as a whole and not because they don't like a particular person. I tried to listen to both sides and all the key points and watched all the debates but the commercials I just had to fast forward. I couldn't stomach them and sorry for that. I think the main points where discussed like the Economy, Health Care, and Education but I was disappointed McCain and Obama didn't discuss Illegal Immigration which to me is very important. I came to this Country and went through all the legal means and paid all the fees and after all said and done cost me and the hubby close to $3000.00 for me to move here legally. If I knew I could get free health care and free education and not pay any taxes I too would have crossed the Canadian border illegally. Why not? In the dead of night I would have found the easiest place to cross the border and not let some tree stick me in the ass. I think I should have gotten down on my hands and knees in some secluded place and crawled over the border hoping some hungry animal will not eat me along the way. Oh maybe I should have swam over the Bay of Fundy with hopes the under tow would not kill me during my power swim and once I arrived in Maine I would have declared asylum saying I was scared for my life because of the Lobsters in my native land. Maybe I should have rented a car and asked some stranger to drive me across the border with me in the trunk. The last suggestion I should have done was gone sky diving and "accidentally" land on USA soil and if I got caught I would say I didn't realize I wasn't in Canada anymore. Coming to this Country illegally would have been so much cheaper so now looking back why the hell not?......I must be stupid! Jokes aside the difference with me is I believe in the laws and will teach my children to go by the laws. I think this Country has an entitlement problem and a lot of people feel they are entitled to whatever they want and think it's okay someone else has to sacrifice in order for them to have there needs met. So now, we all are sacrificing for someone else which is silly to me. I think if you're an illegal immigrant then you need to neither get out of this Country back to your own Country or apply to be a legal resident just like all the other people doing it legally. Then you can pay your proper amount of taxes to contribute your share like everyone else which in turns pays for Education, Health care and the Economy. Apparently this issue isn't important to McCain or Obama. Who knows what tomorrow will bring or the outcome but I just hope the American people will do the right thing and vote. Just vote and have a voice for you and the future children in this Country. I would talk Politics and talk about my views on such topics but I decided to keep my mouth shut for I will alienate myself or other people. Right now, it's not important to me to burn some bridges and I'm sure I will and that's not really what I am about so I will silence my voice and keep my opinions to myself. I know who I am and what I believe and that's what matters the most..... I think! :) Take care..peace!

I wouldn't say I'm missing it Bob!

The title for my post is from the movie Office Space! Great movie and if you haven't watched it you should. Today is going to be whatever comes to mind. I thought deep and hard to try and figure out some kind of intelligent things to say but nothing comes to mind but maybe something will pop into my head while I'm writing about nothing. I try to keep my house tidy with everything in a general spot so I can find things around my house. The other night I was making dinner for the family and I couldn't find the salt to season the pork chops. I looked in it's usual place in the pantry but could I find it nooooo.. so I decided to just not use the salt and hours later I was cleaning the kitchen and there I looked beside the oven was the salt I was trying to find earlier to cook the chops. How did I miss that? The salt was beside the stove where I was cooking and didn't see it sitting there. Oh my, I think the kitchen fairy is doing it's tricks again. The kids are going down for there nap soon. I like when 3:00pm comes around. It's not like I don't like my children but sometimes it's good to take a break once in awhile for sanity sake. Love my kids to death but they can also be a pain in my butt sometimes and I too them. We need the break from each other or we will be a whole bunch of crankiness. Not good, not good at all. My daughter is going through this I can't make up my mind phase and it's driving me crazy to no end. A: "I don't want my burger" mom: "Fine you don't have to eat it!" A: "But I want to eat it" mom: "okay then eat your burger" A: "But I don't want to eat it" mom: "make up your mind" A: "fine!" Lately we have this discussion on everything not just food. It's getting old and draining and hopefully it's just a 3 year old learning about choices because I'm going nuts. Oh well, she's only young once and when she's older I can look back and have a good laugh but right now, not so much laughing! The one thing I miss right now are buying books. I try to stay away from the book store because I can never go out of there with just one book. I end up spending around $100.00 worth because I see one book and then another catches my eye and have to get that one also. In the end I'm leaving with a pile of books and then the kids have to get some too because we don't want to discourage them from reading so more books. I like the dollar store for kid books. For one, they are a dollar and I can buy the store up with books and not break the bank. Now me, I like a certain kind of book you can't buy at the dollar store. I like real people and life stories. Right now, more of my book collection is about the Holocaust and some survivor's stories. Books like that are real inspiring to me not because of the situation they were in but they over came some great evil and came out of it with appreciation for life. Great, now talking about books I want to get more. I wonder if there is a book anonymous club I can join because I am addicted to books. That's good right? Being responsible sucks sometimes. I typically am the spur of the moment kind of gal and just get in the car and drive or at the last minute buy some airfare and take a trip. With the economy the way it is we're saving our money and buying the staples we need to survive and nothing extra. Our 6 year wedding anniversary is coming up in a week and every year we go to Reno to celebrate but not this year. I'm a little bummed but I know we have to be responsible adults and one less trip this year will make us feel better knowing if something happened we have the money. Like the Celine Dion concert here in Portland. I found out she was coming to Portland 2 days before and I was so excited but in the end we didn't go because like I said if something happened and we didn't have the money because I went to see Celine. I would feel guilty. You know when I didn't have children and was semi responsible with my money I would have said lets go to Reno and deal with whatever comes later but now kids ruin the spur of the moment choices because you have to think about them also when you make a decision. Not that buying them things is a bad thing and taking care of them is a bad thing but just doing something crazy once in awhile is not being responsible unless you have a lot of money to just throw a way knowing going on a trip isn't going to make your family poor if something happens like fixing a plumming problem or your car falls apart and have to fork over money to fix it. Just everyday things that could go wrong and maybe all those things would not happen and taking the trip would be fine but to me that's a risky choice to make. So Reno will always be there for another time and the hubby and I may ask the Grandparents to come over so we can go out for a nice dinner by ourselves and enjoy some quiet time talking about the children and how cute they are. Isn't that always the case having Date night and all you end up doing is talking about the children. Our anniversary comes every year so this year will be just as special as all the other years in Reno and that's all that matters we're together. Well I'm getting bored so I'm going to sign out for another time. Take care, Peace!