Talking about Eating is not my idea of fun!

Talking about my eating isn't my idea of something I like to discuss but this morning I need too. I ended my long relationship to a Eating Disorder online group this morning. I don't go on a daily basis but when times of struggle I go to read peoples posts and I try to remind myself why it's so important to me to keep battling my quest of a better life for me and my family. It's a daily struggle and it's hard but you work your program the best way you can and get by each day knowing you are doing the best you can. This morning I was feeling a little anxiety for the up in coming Thanksgiving dinner because one of the hang ups I have is eating in front of people. I don't feel comfortable about it and I know it sounds silly but I do so I wanted to work out my situation before I spiral out of control and do something stupid. So this morning I decided to go and get support. I find being around strangers with similar struggles as me and I feel like I'm not alone with my thoughts. Well I decided to this morning I'm not going to be apart of this Eating Disorder group anymore. I am very sad by this because I know in the past it has given me strength to say not today. This disease isn't going to win today! Well I went to the group and sure enough their was a discussion on this very topic and I was thinking wow this is right up my alley so I started reading some posts and felt like my help group turned into a pro eating disorder group. I felt heart broken so I wrote to the admin and she wrote me back saying the members in the group can talk about whatever they choose and if I didn't like it I could leave. I've been apart of this group for 8 years now and I'm tired right now and let down. I feel like my hope just went out the window but as much as I'm feeling so out of control right now I know I need to find another group so I can keep moving forward. It breaks my heart feeling like I don't have support when I need it like I'm all alone here trying to make my recovery work. I know right now I'm doing the best I can but it was always comforting knowing when I needed that extra push to put my head in the right direction I knew I had somewhere to go and this morning wasn't the case. I'm left in limbo feeling like I was failed this morning by a group I thought was on my side and strangers helping strangers getting support for a disease that wants to keep you in a dark destructive place in your head and then come to find out my sanctuary is over run by the very disease that this group was trying to fight against. I'm blue this morning. I may be down today but I'll find my inner strength to get me through this hard day. I will have to learn not only can I do this today but sometimes I may not get the support I need and learn to deal with my eating disorder without the help once in awhile but I do need to find another group. So many out there and I hope I find one I feel comfortable joining. Take care, Peace!