Music is what it is!

Okay, it's been one of those weeks where it seemed like it would never end. I had a rough week medically speaking. My body was on a break and the rest of me wasn't. I have a life with young children who needed me and a house to keep up with and I did have help with most of the daily chores from the mother-in-law I still was drained. I don't like feeling like I can't do stuff and one of my weaknesses is to ask for help. I'm doing much better in this department but still, I have problems relying on help. I got to sleep in this morning and even though I slept for 11 hours I needed it. I picked up a cool headset for my laptop so now I can listen to my music when the kids are watching one of there TV shows so I don't have to feel like I'm going stupid at times. Music is my expression. When I'm having a hard time expressing myself Music helps me figure out my feelings, good, bad and just indifferent. I've always had music in my life and I count on it to help me deal with issues in my life and I can just let myself relax and allow the feeling of sound, vocal and the beat of music to let everything I'm holding inside to come out. The music player I have up on my blog is music I enjoy listening to. If you ever want to know more about me, just listen to my music collection. I typically like all kinds of music from all genres but mostly the songs I have chosen on here have some history in my life from heartbreak to love and everything in between. Right now, I'm having a hard time just keeping it together for the sake of my family. My body is so worn out and I'm tired all the time and I want to do stuff but I can't because that's what it is. I can't control what I don't have control over. Sometimes I just want to give up but I know that's not me. I'm a fighter and nothing can't stop me when I have my mind set on something. I guess that's who I am, don't tell me I can't do something because I will prove to you I can. It may take me forever but I will prove it. I also listen to music when I'm sad like even though my life is going strong things are going good I still once in awhile feel sad. I don't get it and maybe it's something I haven't dealt with from my past but some underlining issue I haven't let my heart touch because it's to painful. Whatever the reason I know sometime I will face it and work it out. I love listening to music to lift up all the burden from my heart. It feels so good to just have a good cry sometimes just to cry and you don't even need a reason to cry. I'm the kind of person to just let things build up like it's something I learned as a wee little one to not deal with my feelings. I wanted the world to know I was this tough little cookie but I let my heart to hold all my pain until I couldn't take it anymore and then I would explode. I would have to say Music is my saving grace along with some special people in my life. Sometimes I listen to music to just feel alive. When I was younger still living at home I would listen to the radio just to feel something. I was trained to not feel unless it had a smile behind it. I wanted to break down and hide myself in a hole. It was easy to just show the shy fake smile and after awhile you started believing in this fake world. So listening to music I let myself feel something which was real then some mask I was wearing. Most of the time I crank up the volume so it's just me and the music or I put some music on and I sing my heart out. I can't do the singing as much as I used to because of the children but I will put my headset on when the hubby is home and I will escape into my music. Music is my cheap therapy. I live and breath music. I believe my faith in life is driven by some sort of musical inspiration. Music isn't just something I listen to in the background of my life. I don't know how many times music has helped me in my life. I think if I don't listen to music on a regular basis I would go nuts. I don't know but it's like my calm in the middle of the storm called life. Music is the one thing in my life that hasn't disappointed me. I have never been disappointed by music or have been hurt from music which at a young age I learned very clear disappointment ran deep within my family especially from my parents. So when I'm having a bad day or just need some comfort I can turn on some music and know I'll be okay. I will always be okay knowing I have something to lean on when life is a disappointment or when things are going great and I can reflect on the achievements that life has to offer. I'm so proud I made it this far and I worked my ass off to turn my sorry sad life around. I had many days of thinking if I would ever make it but the great thing about that, I did and I can look back at the struggle of my life and can say I never gave up. Sometimes I wanted to give up more often than not but I will have to say I'm a survivor and could never let someone else win. Take care, Peace!!!!