Medical problems are a pain in my ass!!

I should be sleeping right now but I like to conflict pain onto myself and if I went to bed I would have thoughts running all crazy up in there in what I call my brain so I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway so here I am tired like a crazy person. Sometimes I would love to live in my happy place where I don't have any medical problems what so ever!! I don't remember the last time I felt normal. Anemia, low blood pressure and everything else I have piled onto my life which runs me down to where I just want to sit in a corner and cry is just something I keep trying to remind myself I have no control over. It's something I have to live with and learn to deal. I have to deal and most of the time I just deal but there are other times like most of the time I'm trying to figure out how to deal. It's so hard and being run down I just have to bitch about it. Bitching about it feels damn good. So I'm getting tired of this yo-yo cold I've been fighting since Halloween. It could be the piggie flu but who knows but when I think I've recovered it comes back full force. I have a good day where I can actually breath to the next day my head is stuffed full of shit and the pressure is just to the point of not killing anyone. I seriously want to be so over and done and would like to have my sanity back if that's possible. I would have a happier life is I was feeling better. I think the kids will remember this faze in there life as mommy being a crazy person on steroids. There is only room for one drama queen in our house and that's momma bear right now. I'm not surprised our daughter is also a drama queen having melt downs every chance she can get lately, It's not like I'm breaking down and crying every second but really I would like too. I'm just a total bitch with no patience more often then I would like. It's so not me. I'm the happy go with the flow kinda gal and this period in my life is not one of my finer qualities I want to admire or teach my kids. I seriously need a chill pill. Vacation from my life is what I really need and if people know how that's possible do tell I would like to know. I sure need a serious break. I really don't have patience for when people get sick and complain how bad they feel because frankly I feel bad every day. I pick myself up every morning and find the strength to take care of my kids and make sure our house doesn't implode so feeling sick doesn't get any sympathy from me. Live in my shoes for a day and you wouldn't be complaining anymore. Just think of feeling the worst you have ever felt when you were sick and remember I feel like that on a good day. I haven't really talked how bad I feel or explain how I feel because what good will that do and it's not like anyone can do anything about it and my Medical Doctor's don't know what to do about it but tell me to exercise like I understand the concept of exercise and how wonderful it is to the body like you don't need a degree to understand why it's good for you but they can't wrap it around there educated brains if I attempt to exercise like they are asking me too I will land myself in the ER. Are they prepared to pay for my medical bills when this happens? I get at least light headed 5 times a day and that's on a good day. I'm not passing out anymore thank god!! but I have two little kids I have to take care of during the day. My hubby is wonderful already when I get too worn out to care for them but he can't be rushing home all the time taking care of me and the kids. He has to work because he makes the money and I can't risk him losing his job because I'm trying to get the proper amount of cardio I need during the week. I don't need my children to get used to seeing the inside of an emergency room neither. I don't think the Doctor's also understand taking care of two young one's is work and tidying a house is work. If that's not exercise I must be on a loony train. These educated Doctor's don't actually consider my taking care of two little one's as the right proper amount of exercise I should be doing. What I want to do is tell them where to shove there educated diploma's. So I'm doing what I can do to find the inner strength to get though the day in one piece with the goal to have two happy kids, a nice tidy house and a good marriage. Take care, Peace!!