Not so private!

I got an email this morning asking me why I've been writing private personal information on my blog. They asked not to be identified so I'll respect them. I'm not ashamed of my life. It took me along time to figure out the shame I had as a teenager. I was hiding a family secret I didn't feel was right and it tore me up because I didn't think it was right my parents expected me to go along with their decisions. I had years of personal emotionally pain and is it fair for me to allow someone to make me feel like I wasn't worth fighting for? No, I came far in my personal growth and I'm an adult now with children of my own. Did I oust my parents? Yes, and of course I had to think about them when I wrote this blog. For one, I don't have a relationship with my adopted father. I cut him out of my life back in August 2001 because he's just an abusive ass and I decided I didn't need someone like him in my corner anymore. He is a selfish man who only cares about him and what he wants and will use and manipulate anyone to get what he needs. Not someone I want around me anymore. I got professional help because to achieve my goals for my life I couldn't do it on my own. I've been trying to have a relationship with my adopted mother for awhile. I have mixed feelings on her. I would love to have a friendship with her but we're not their yet. I'm not ready to just walk away. We don't talk so it's hard to actually mend our relationship. She's busy with her own life right now so I respect her for that and I'm sure some time we'll talk. Does it bother me we're not close? yes it does and I get frustrated but there is nothing I can do about it so I try to let it go. I was only a child when my family fell apart and is it my responsibility to further the secret because of there shame? My life is my life. I take responsibility for me and my family and they have their own journey to work out there own life. I asked for forgiveness for what I did in my heart and from god. I wasn't proud of some of the decisions I made in my life but I can't keep dwelling on it but I am aware of my mistakes and decisions. I will never forget. I'm not trying to sweep my life under the rug and to pretend it didn't happen. I'm not going to lie for them anymore and it's not right they should ask me to further there fake facade our family was happy. To get to know me you need to understand where I came from. Like I said I'm not ashamed of my personal private life. It's hard work trying to have a conversation with someone when you can't share something with them because you're afraid to say anything. It's hard because I may accidentally disclose something I shouldn't. I want to talk about my childhood, my mistakes and some of the crazy things I did as a teenager but when you start leaving things out because of fear it's not a life I want. I'm not the crazy one in the family and I'm sure when I was a teenager I acted like the out of control hateful kid but I was that angry kid who didn't care. I was disrespectful towards adults because I didn't know how to channel my anger elsewhere. Of course, I was angry having two selfish parents who only cared about keeping their own fake image in the community. I'm not like them and will never be. So writing about what I been though may some day help someone else. I appreciate my life and my lessons in life. I don't think I'm helping myself for keeping my past a painful destructive past. It's who I am and it's where I've been. I'm not going to live my life in fear and I may get some backlash for disclosing personal information but whoever reads my blog will understand this is my life. There is no shame in the truth. Thanks for the email and you question. Take care!