Expressions of my blog!

Well I made it through this part of the day trying to make my house cleaning work for me. The kids were in my face most of the day when I've been trying to get things done but that's how kids work. They know when it's time to get in your face at the wrong time. I don't like housework so getting them involved and turning it into something they think is fun not realizing how not fun housework really is helps me. Now I'm tired and over stressed but I had a good friend stop by and we had our weekly bible study which helps me and that's a good thing. Even though we both have different religious views I like learning and I like her as a person. I'm starting to like this blog and at first when I decided to start this blog I figured I would jump right in and start writing whatever comes to my mind. Now I try to figure out what I want to write about but most of the time I'm just flying on the seat of my pants because the outcome never turns out the way I planned. At first, I didn't want to disclose private information but then I was like... this isn't me. I'm a very emotionally driven person and most of the things I talk about are about what I've experienced and what my thoughts are about situations I've come across. In my creative writing class in High School the teacher said write what your know so that's where I get all my writing material from. I'm not ashamed to express my thoughts and my private struggles because unless you are not human everyone at one time had inner struggles. I'm just a little more open with my struggles and everyday life experiences. I'm actually a very shy person until you get to know me and then I can't stop talking. It's weird how shy I am and I don't like social situations because I'm very uncomfortable and feel so awkward but hey this is my hang up I'm working on. I know talking how shy I am and then I have a public blog discussing my most private information doesn't make sense but I like writing and if it helps me help someone else or gives someone some funny or not so funny reading then I'm doing something right....I think! I think I enjoy other peoples blogs because you get that inner voice you wouldn't get from talking face to face. It's like this blog is my way to express myself without having to talk to someone face to face. I have no problem talking about private situations with someone if they ask me and I'm happy to talk about it but it's not like what I write is what people chat in social situations and that's why I typically don't talk about it. I'm very open to my life even though I am shy. After reading what I'm writing talking about being shy and now I'm not really sure if I'm shy at all. Okay, I'm not shy anymore but I can think it. :) I think I'm realizing with all my life struggles and what I've been through in my life I'm come to understand people more and have compassion for people I wouldn't have if I didn't experience certain traumatic events in my life. I wouldn't call myself a victim but a survivor of child abuse. At the time of the abuse I thought it was the worst in the world and going through the emotions of why could this happen to me?, what have I done to deserve this? and your life keeps moving on and you're left like the forgotten trash but people have choices and I made the choice after self abuse and destruction to say I don't want to live like this anymore so I started taking responsibility for me and changed the way I saw the world. No victim here! It took me years to figure this out and it's not like my life transformation happened over night. I work on my struggles every day in some way like making sure I keep on the right path with my Eating Disorder or making sure I do right with my children. I'm evolving and changing every day and for me I hope for the better. Sometimes I'm a little to hard on myself and judge myself to hard but I'm working on this part of myself. I can be my own worst enemy sometimes and with the help of my psychologist from California has given me tools to help me over come some of these short comings I consider a pain in my butt. Which reminds me sometime I will need to get another psychologist here in Oregon but right now it's not on the top of my list of to do so maybe in the Spring or when the hubby thinks I'm getting a little crazy..lol. Like my psychologist would tell me "The only control you have are the choices you make", my motto in life! Stick it, live by it and pass it on!!!!!