A hard path to take!

This topic is going to be a hard one. I would like to share how my children came into this world. You are thinking, we all know how babies are born but I'm talking about the emotional part I had to go through to have two beautiful healthy babies and what I went through to achieve them and both were being miracles from GOD. I will start with A. My husband and I were not expecting this pregnancy. I just made an appointment with a diabetic educator to get my diabetes under control so I would be healthy to be pregnant. I was going through a lot of emotional turmoil in the Summer of 2004. I was having a hard time dealing with a death near and dear to my heart. I was deep in an ever lasting fight with an eating disorder. My mother and I didn't have a relationship and didn't talk for 8 months and dealing with life was hard for me. First when I was late for the monthly friend I thought it was just about stress and didn't think about it but then another week went by and no friend so one night we went to Walgreen's at 12:30am to buy a pregnancy test. The first test came out positive. We didn't believe it so we did the second test and that one came out positive. We thought we'll wait and do the third one in the morning. Test three was done first thing in the morning and sure enough the test was positive. I think we were in shock and excited at the same time. We were ready in our marriage to have children so it was a blessing. Then the reality sank in and went to the lab to get it verified. Yes, I was indeed pregnant. I had my first Doctor's appointment. I was in shock, a blur and scared to death. First off I was considered a high risk pregnancy because I was a diabetic but then factoring an eating disorder on top of it and a high chance this fetus wouldn't grow to be healthy because of the out of control diabetes. I was put on a hard reality check. What ever my RN asked of me I did. She said jump and I asked how high. In a matter of 3 weeks my diabetes went down in numbers where the baby would be safe from complications. Then all the appointments on a weekly basis I had to do. My weekly schedule: Pregnancy appointment Pregnancy councilor Group therapy Psychologist appointment ( every 3 weeks) phone appointment for blood sugar results I was being taken care of really well by all the medical staff who took me under their wings to make sure I was healthy and on top of that our daughter being healthy. It was a hard road I knew I had to do. It wasn't about me anymore and I needed to know I was doing all I could do to protect this child I was carrying. I had the hardest time with eating and gaining weight. I went from one meal a day to having to eat 7 times during the day. Their were days where I would be crying when I ate. Each bite meant more weight gain but I did it for this child. Each Ultra sound was stressful. I was scared they would give me bad news but once I saw her and she was fine I was relieved. On my 36th Ultra sound appointment our daughter stopped growing. Doctor's think I couldn't handle being pregnant any longer and started taking back the nutrients from the baby. It was time to deliver this tiny little girl. My husband and I were prepared she would be going to the NICU after her birth because she was 5 pounds and some and early by 3 weeks. By c-section she was born March 25, 2005 at 10:39pm on Good Friday small and healthy weighting in 5lbs, 5oz. No trip to the NICU and no extra testing and she was ours. We took her home 3 days later. All the odds were against us to have a healthy baby but I did it with the help of others. It was a hard long road emotionally and physically but I did it and she's fine doing her milestones early. I am so proud of her our gift from Heaven. J was planned. We had to get permission to try with baby two. I had tests done and got the thumbs up. First month didn't stick and then by September we got the news we were expecting. By one month I was having really bad morning sickness. Smells were driving me crazy and this should have been a sign what to come next. A , told us we were having a boy like I didn't think a 18 month old could say boy :) By the end of November I wasn't gaining any weight and actually losing weight. The baby was doing fine and growing so no one was worried about him but I was another story. I had my monthly tests done and I was told I was severely anemic. What this would do to me I didn't know. I was scheduled to see a Hematologist to find out what to do. I was put on a drug called Procrit get some help for home and try to relax. When a RN you trust with your life is telling you she is worried what do you do but PANIC. I was scared for my family and of course, you think about death and all the possibilities. It was hard telling the one's I love what was happening and it's like giving them my death sentence. I had to come to terms my husband and I may have to end this life inside of me, a baby I fell in love with already. It was an emotional time I had to face head on.

I was put in the pregnancy hypertensive program showing signs of beginning preclamcia. We got help and was very appreciated. We were told what our options were and the possibility we may have to abort this child before 24 weeks and to prepare for it. I didn't want to think about it but they will do whatever they could so it wouldn't end up like that. Anyone women who had an Abortion before it's not an easy decision to make and a painful emotional situation. I think I had an Ultra sound every few weeks. More appointments and more tests. I was scared for me and this child I was carrying. I was scared for our daughter and my husband. We, as a family were dealing with this together. My husband was a rock when I needed a shoulder to cry on or just needed him to rub my back. I was so tired and so sick. My RN who took care of me had milestones for me. Lets get to 24 weeks she said, and then 28 weeks then 32, 34 and last 36 weeks. They didn't think I would make it until 28 weeks but I did. At 28 weeks I was scheduled for a c-section for April 24, 2007. This was my date I had to make it too. I didn't think sometimes I would get to this date. At the end of February I was hospitalized with walking Pneumonia for a week stay. First they thought I had a blood clot in my left lung. It was traumatic. J inside was doing his part. He moved all the time 24/7 letting me know he was doing fine and he was safe for 3 months before his birth. Our son was born 2 days shy of 37 weeks on April 24, 2007 weighing in 6lbs, 10 oz at 10:08am and healthy. No NICU visit and with some Jaundice we took him home 3 days later. We were a family of 3 to a family of 4 and our family was complete. All done, a girl and a boy.

A month later I had my first bone marrow biopsy and then 3 weeks later another one. J was anemic for a few months and we gave him iron drops and he's a healthy 16 months old. We were blessed.

The road to get these two babies was hard, scary and emotionally draining for me. I always give thanks for these two miracles everyday. My health hasn't been good since being diagnosed with anemia but I'm dealing with it. At times I'm really frustrated but you keep going forward one day at a time. This hard road was worth it. Thank you!